Impossible but awesome back story for Hoid

[I Am Witless]

Hey, guys! More for kicks than anything else, I have a "theory" for you. The different parts of it have been disproved half a million times, but I'm putting it out here anyway since it is kind of fun.

Hoid is Alcatraz. Brandon Sanderson is Adonalsium. Brandon Sanderson was "shattered", or maybe " murdered", by his sixteen most prominent fans, and now one of his creations is trying to put him back together again so that more stories will be written. Disproven by countless WoBs and common sense, Alcatraz's world isn't cosmere, by imma ignore that. Alcatraz isn't a nice person, but neither is Hoid. They've got a similar sense of humor and snazzy/sassy style. We know almost nothing about Hoid, so who knows what we could make his back story. And Brandon Sanderson being Adonalsium? Both created the cosmere. Duh. 

Here it goes.

Brandon Sanderson created his stories, like he usually does, some connecting, some not. Alcatraz versus the Evil Librarians is Hoid's TRUE back story, though only Brandon knows. Funny, poignant, and sad, sassy Alcatraz quickly grows into the Hoid we know, with his character arc stretching past the known books. And then, right after Sanderson finishes writing his last cosmere book, he is killed by sixteen angry fans because it IS the last book. After they steal the amazing creativity power that is held by Brandon, Shard stuff happens, cosmere, blah blah blah. Knowing that the murder of Adonalsium is unfair, Hoid/Alcatraz sets out to put him back together for one last story.

The cosmere then becomes a cyclic storyline, restarting every time it ends, with the endpoint being Hoid/Alcatraz putting Adonalsium/Brandon back together. The book Brandon writes after being put back together is the story of Hoid putting everything back together.

This silly theory ignores some very obvious facts, like that Alcatraz isn't cosmere, that Yolen would have to be Earth, and that someone would actually want to kill Brandon.

What do you all think? Bring up some info that disproves - or better yet, DOES prove - that this is the true cosmere plotline. Have a nice day!