Theory to appease calderis's boredom

[Jonathon]

Conspiracy Theory:

@Calderis and @Extesian aren't actually the good guys we all believe them to be. We all think they're so great because they have sooo many posts and so much rep and they seem so knowledgeable, whereas we've been being deceived this ENTIRE time. Actually, I don't know if deceived is the right word for it. After all Calderis always says how he doesn't understand why he gets so much rep and both Calderis and extesian have talked about how they are held on such a high pedestal when really, there are tons of people with more posts/rep/knowledge than them. So they admit it themselves. That they are fakes. What if good old Calderis and Extesian are actually being payed off by someone to perpetrate false information around the shard. Now they wouldn't do it in obvious ways most of the time, just in small subtle ways so that nobody even realizes until it is too late. Much like how ruin changed the writings slightly to influence the characters in mistborn. They are our ruin. They are the seventeenth shards entropy. And what if the person paying them off is none other than Brandon himself. Why do you think they're always sooo good at finding WoB's for everyone and how come sometimes they "could've sworn" there was a WOB about a certain topic that no one can ever find? They needed to use facts at first to gain respect and acknowledgement but now that they've made it to the top of the food chain they can more easily spread lies about the cosmere information we have to try and prevent more of groundbreaking accidental discoveries ruining Brandon's plot twists and surprises. They practically monitor this place 24/7 between the two of them. Calderis has said that he practically spends all day on the shard -- EVEN when he's at "work". And then while Calderis sleeps Extesian monitors. Maybe not always taking as much of a forward approach like Calderis but posting less often with more "facts" and "research" yet he still has around the same amount of rep anyway. In fact when this was brought up to them Calderis and extesian both mentioned how they have completely different techniques on how they operate on the shard. This would help their plot of espionage because even if a person dislikes calderis's methods they would probably appreciate Extesian's and vice versa. 

We think the enemies are only in the book pages

but the real enemies

are already standing with a knife to your throat

thank you, and goodnight

Disclaimer:

i don't personally believe any of the claims or assumptions above and none of them are meant to harm or discredit any person in any way shape or form. It is not meant to offend or annoy either. Only for entertainment purposes (like most theories on here)

 

Edit: @Calderis I don't think you're ready for this one:

Conspiracy theory 2!

I am Calderis incarnate and I have come to take my throne beside him! Okay, lets back up here. After all that is a bit of a dramatic statement. Which is why I will explain in explicit detail why it is correct. Firstly as our neighborhood Calderis pointed out to me earlier, our names are literally one letter away from being identical. It is a matter of vowels, whereas I have an o and he has an a. Next, would be the fact that neither of us feel worthy of gaining reputation. Like seriously guys, 13 rep? On this one post??? What even.... As Calderis has said he lurked a long long time before he started being active, but once he did start being active he rose through the ranks quickly. I didn't lurk for too long only a few months and when I did I would post every now and then but only rarely. Then sometimes between I think the beginning of the month and now I went from about 5 reputation to 74 and my post count which was barely 10 is now in the eighties. Amazing what such a short period of time can do, or at least it feels amazing to me. It probably isn't all too amazing in relation to people who gain that much rep on a daily basis. Which in saying that last sentence I'm proving how much I'm like him because he always says how he's nothing compared to some other people. Now, there is one distinct difference between me and Not Me. That being, Calderis has over 2k posts and I'm not even at a hundred. Compared to him I'm just a little shard baby. But then again, so was he at one point. So we're all of you, too. Everyone was. After all, you gotta start somewhere. 

But now what does this mean in context of the original conspiracy? Well this means that I'm likely a super-secret spy espionage dude in training to corrupt people's views of the cosmere and keep them from the truth. 

I guess we all have a side that we keep hidden. What's yours?

Until next time, people of earth...

OMG I DID A THING! IT HAS A HEART!!

Edited July 22, 2017 by Jonathon
Shenanigans

[Calderis he/him]

You've caught me. My attempts to interlace false information with the real and true have been a subtle ploy to mislead you all along. 

Well done. You discovered one more layer to the mystery. 

And by that I mean you've made me laugh. 

This was ridiculous. 

Thanks. 

[Jonathon]

5 minutes ago, Calderis said:

You've caught me. My attempts to interlace false information with the real and true have been a subtle ploy to mislead you all along. 

Well done. You discovered one more layer to the mystery. 

And by that I mean you've made me laugh. 

This was ridiculous. 

Thanks. 

Anytime

[+Extesian he/him]

This is the best. The. Best. 

Timely as well since I'm in the closing days of writing up a ridiculous megatheory that is definitely wrong but seems well researched. Well, it's very well researched, it will come with a collection and summary of dozens out WoBs. But the theory itself is ridiculous. One could almost call it...misinformation

Anyway, this post was wonderfully ridiculous enough to get me out of my theory hovel temporarily. So thank you and don't worry, you'll think less of me soon

[Calderis he/him]

4 minutes ago, Extesian said:

This is the best. The. Best. 

Timely as well since I'm in the closing days of writing up a ridiculous megatheory that is definitely wrong but seems well researched. Well, it's very well researched, it will come with a collection and summary of dozens out WoBs. But the theory itself is ridiculous. One could almost call it...misinformation

Anyway, this post was wonderfully ridiculous enough to get me out of my theory hovel temporarily. So thank you and don't worry, you'll think less of me soon

If we joke along with this theory enough do you think it will be brushed aside and forgotten?

I can't afford to lose this gig. 

(and my impatience wants to legitimately see your theory) 

[Jonathon]

8 minutes ago, Calderis said:

If we joke along with this theory enough do you think it will be brushed aside and forgotten?

Nope  

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom he/him]

Now I'm wondering if Brandon (or someone on Team Brandon) possibly has a similar role to what you describe: Spreading the chaos, and throwing us on wild goose chases so we ignore actual potential spoilers, and solid leads. Someone who doesn't advertise that they are on Brandon's team, but only have the one account, so they technically aren't breaking any rules.

Of course, the chances of the above are astronomically low. But still..... I'll have to keep the idea in mind for when I start publishing monolith works like Brandon, and I get a fan-base of my own.

[+Extesian he/him]

It's totally the indeterminable Peter Ahlstrom. Occasionally popping in to troll us. Telling us the bridge a Nahel-bonded Listener forms is a cultural one. That Dawnshards are obviously Honorblades. Disagreeing with Brandon on Shardblades cutting aluminum. Laughing and stroking a black cat. Classic Ookla.

[King Cole he/him]

I have wondered if they ever sleep, I mean every single time I have ever looked at who is on Calderis has been there

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

That is very true, and he replies to tons of topics. It all fits.

[Toaster Retribution he/him]

7 hours ago, King Cole said:

I have wondered if they ever sleep, I mean every single time I have ever looked at who is on Calderis has been there

Calderis is a bronze ferring! 

[+hwiles He/Him]

22 minutes ago, ElephantEarwax said:

That is very true, and he replies to tons of topics. It all fits.

I believe "he" is actually many people working in shifts. I've caught tidbits of backstory, and frankly, they just don't add up.

However, this is an obvious red herring; like allowing one spy to be identified to draw attention away from your other agents. Classic Sanderson.

Edit: for the record, we don't know what we'd do without you @Calderis and @Extesian , even if you are spies, please don't leave us 

Edited July 21, 2017 by hwiles

[Calderis he/him]

2 minutes ago, hwiles said:

I believe "he" is actually many people working in shifts. I've caught tidbits of backstory, and frankly, they just don't add up.

However, this is an obvious red herring; like allowing one spy to be identified to draw attention away from your other agents. Classic Sanderson.

Edit: for the record, we don't know what we'd do without you @Calderis and @Extesian , even if you are spies, please don't leave us 

This is remarkably entertaining. 

And I have to ask, my backstop doesn't add up? Do I need to do an AMA or something? I'm a real person. I eat, I sleep, and I dedicate far too much time to a fictional world. 

[+hwiles He/Him]

We should probably quit engaging this thread; if they can prove to their programmers that they've already passed the Turing test they won't have to talk to us anymore...

[Jonathon]

17 minutes ago, Calderis said:

This is remarkably entertaining. 

And I have to ask, my backstop doesn't add up? Do I need to do an AMA or something? I'm a real person. I eat, I sleep, and I dedicate far too much time to a fictional world. 

That's what you WANT us to think!

Alright Mr. "Real Person", if you're not a group of people taking shifts, then how are you on here for so many hours? It's like you don't sleep. And if you don't sleep that means that at least some of the stuff you say should make no sense because you weren't thinking in your tired state. But no. It ALL makes sense. You are TOO DARN PERFECT to be a real person. So you better fess up

or we'll find you....

[Calderis he/him]

1 minute ago, Jonathon said:

That's what you WANT us to think!

Alright Mr. "Real Person", if you're not a group of people taking shifts, then how are you on here for so many hours? It's like you don't sleep. And if you don't sleep that means that at least some of the stuff you say should make no sense because you weren't thinking in your tired state. But no. It ALL makes sense. You are TOO DARN PERFECT to be a real person. So you better fess up

or we'll find you....

As I've said before, during the work week I sleep from 10:30 pm to 5:30 am pacific time. On the weekends I tend to push that back to about 1 or 2 am, then my son wakes me up anywhere between 6:30 on horrible days to 9 on good days. 

I work a construction job that starts at 7 am, but I'm a detailer, which means I go out take measurements and then sit at a desk for hours making drawings that then get submitted to the engineers for approval. 

I'm busy the majority of the time that I'm on here. 

[Jonathon]

41 minutes ago, Calderis said:

As I've said before, during the work week I sleep from 10:30 pm to 5:30 am pacific time. On the weekends I tend to push that back to about 1 or 2 am, then my son wakes me up anywhere between 6:30 on horrible days to 9 on good days. 

I work a construction job that starts at 7 am, but I'm a detailer, which means I go out take measurements and then sit at a desk for hours making drawings that then get submitted to the engineers for approval. 

I'm busy the majority of the time that I'm on here. 

And you just so "happened" to have that giant excuse ready? It sounds almost like you've rehearsed it and used that excuse before. Many times. Now why would you need to do that unless you've got something to hide?

Edit: I feel like the essence of the original conspiracy has been lost and the entire Extesian side of this has been dropped. It just feels like the theory about how to attack Calderis

Edited July 21, 2017 by Jonathon

[Calderis he/him]

8 minutes ago, Jonathon said:

And you just so "happened" to have that giant excuse ready? It sounds almost like you've rehearsed it and used that excuse before. Many times. Now why would you need to do that unless you've got something to hide?

I suppose I have rehearsed it, seeing as I live it every day. 

I'm hiding the fact that I'm... Uh... Dude, I got nothing. 

[Jonathon]

We've been missing the big pictre everybody! Nobody has been asking about Extesian, instead we've all been distracted by Calderis! What if Extesian is the real spy and he paid off Calderis to distract us so that he would continue to go unnoticed

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

4 hours ago, Calderis said:

This is remarkably entertaining. 

And I have to ask, my backstop doesn't add up? Do I need to do an AMA or something? I'm a real person. I eat, I sleep, and I dedicate far too much time to a fictional world. 

I do exactly that... All I think about is this.

[+hwiles He/Him]

In their defense, I know plenty of people who usually have a tab open on the Shard during their day, which if mostly spent on a computer in some capacity, means they can pop in if someone responds to them almost instantly and stay for 2 minutes (while not actively browsing) for, on occasion, as much as 12-16 hours.  It's less an insidious conspiracy and more an indication of working a job where occasional breaks are either encouraged, or required.  

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

Guys, we've been skirting around this the whole time. I think @Calderis is Brandon. It explains how he knows so much.

[Calderis he/him]

7 minutes ago, ElephantEarwax said:

Guys, we've been skirting around this the whole time. I think @Calderis is Brandon. It explains how he knows so much.

I'm both laughing hysterically and horrified. 

Don't sully the master's name by comparing him to me. 

He definitely doesn't deserve that. 

Edit: besides, if he were here as often as me, when would he write? 

Edited July 22, 2017 by Calderis

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

39 minutes ago, Calderis said:

I'm both laughing hysterically and horrified. 

Don't sully the master's name by comparing him to me. 

He definitely doesn't deserve that. 

Edit: besides, if he were here as often as me, when would he write? 

Fair point. He does a lot of writing. It's like its his job. 

@Calderis this discussion has made me laugh a lot too.

[Calderis he/him]

20 minutes ago, ElephantEarwax said:

Fair point. He does a lot of writing. It's like its his job. 

@Calderis this discussion has made me laugh a lot too.

Hey, he's obviously more dedicated to his job than I am. I have no grounds to argue that even if I wanted to.