Creepileigh Posted January 7, 2016 Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 The forum says "Post a topic here letting us know that you exist!" and I'm pretty sure I do, so... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormgate he/him Posted January 7, 2016 Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 Greetings. Just a warning, the cookies offered by some members of the Shard are in actuality Hemalurgic spikes. If you have not read Mistborn, they basically stab you with metal spikes, and you don't die. Very painful, and you get magic powers. Emphasis on painful. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zathoth Posted January 7, 2016 Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 Speaking of cookies, would you like a cookie? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creepileigh Posted January 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) Greetings. Just a warning, the cookies offered by some members of the Shard are in actuality Hemalurgic spikes. If you have not read Mistborn, they basically stab you with metal spikes, and you don't die. Very painful, and you get magic powers. Emphasis on painful. That honestly raises more questions than answers. Like, where are these users getting/making these spikes? What's their motivation for spiking a bunch of people with Hemalurgic spikes? Especially if said spikes are not "fresh" and have probably been sitting around leaking? Is refusing a "cookie" gonna get me on the spike, er, donor list? And, most importantly, why ruin a perfectly good opportunity for an actual cookie? Speaking of cookies, would you like a cookie? I'm gonna have to pass. Edited January 7, 2016 by Creepileigh 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormgate he/him Posted January 7, 2016 Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 Nobody really knows where the Dark Alley keeps their spikes or how they are kept, and at this point, we're all just the teensiest bit afraid to ask. Does anyone else write certain phrases down and see memes in their heads? Completely random, I know. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 7, 2016 Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 (edited) Nobody really knows where the Dark Alley keeps their spikes or how they are kept, and at this point, we're all just the teensiest bit afraid to ask. Does anyone else write certain phrases down and see memes in their heads? Completely random, I know. Sentient cardboard. It's a boring answer but not every part of the DA can be interesting. That honestly raises more questions than answers. Like, where are these users getting/making these spikes? What's their motivation for spiking a bunch of people with Hemalurgic spikes? Especially if said spikes are not "fresh" and have probably been sitting around leaking? Is refusing a "cookie" gonna get me on the spike, er, donor list? And, most importantly, why ruin a perfectly good opportunity for an actual cookie? I'm gonna have to pass. As for why there is only one answer: For SCIENCE! We also have non-hemalurgic cookies, we just don't give them away as often. I mean if you ran several quintillion functioning bakeries in various realms of existence would you give the cookies away? Edited January 7, 2016 by Voidus 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creepileigh Posted January 7, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 Sentient cardboard. This answer actually increases the ratio of questions to answers. I'm reminded of Halloween candy scares. Check your candy apples for razor blades. Check your welcome cookies for spikey murder weapons. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 7, 2016 Report Share Posted January 7, 2016 This answer actually increases the ratio of questions to answers. I'm reminded of Halloween candy scares. Check your candy apples for razor blades. Check your welcome cookies for spikey murder weapons. That is the way of the Alley, always finding more questions to answer. Hey it's all there in the disclaimer, it's not our fault if no one reads it. Disclaimer: Disclaimers follow. (Neither the seller not the manufacturer will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited. Above terms subject to change without notice. Action figures sold separately. Actual price set by retailers. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant. All rights reserved. All sales final. Any other application constitutes fraud. At participating locations only. Alternate toy available for children under 3. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. Caveat emptor. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye. Your results may vary. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of a Shard, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.). User assumes full liabilities. Some humor and satire included. Price and participation may vary. Not to be used for the other use. Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor. May be addictive. Must be 18 months or older to order. Prices subject to change without notice. No refunds available. There is a slight chance (between 12-87%) of Ruinous corruption; this may or may not cause the following side effects (including, but not limited to): delusions of grandeur, hallucinations, compulsive and destructive behavior, pain, headaches, voices in your head, pneumonia, heart attack, stoke, severe internal bleeding, and death. These side effects are not permanent and are perfectly normal. Please see your cookie vendor to see if Hemalurgy is right for you. No kandra were harmed in the making of this product. Some disclaimers may not apply to all participating victims participants. All constitutional rights are waved by use of this product. Irreparable damage may occur. Vendor is not liable for damaged packaging, bodies, or souls. There is always another secret. Surgeon's Warning: Spiking causes severe Investiture warping. Fragile. This side up. If normality persists for a period of time exceeding 30 days, consult with a Dark Alley representative near you. This may be a sign of chronic dementia. This side down. The information contained in this disclaimer is intended by the Dark Alley for the use of consumers only and may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and/or protected from disclosure by inapplicable laws. Contents of this disclaimer are under pressure. This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Shake well before using. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Avoid prolonged exposure to this disclaimer. Do not read this disclaimer while driving a vehicle or operating heavy equipment. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and intended by the author. Reading this disclaimer does not provide grounds for a legal dispute. Parental guidance suggested. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt at home. See the owner's manual for more information.Trespassers will be spiked.˙ʍolloɟ llᴉʍ ʇxǝʇ pǝʇɹǝʌuᴉ ǝɹoW ˙ʎɔuǝᴉɔᴉɟɟǝ ƃuᴉpɐǝɹ ǝzᴉɯᴉxɐɯ oʇ uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ǝʇɐʇoɹ ǝsɐǝlԀ ˙uʍop ǝpᴉsdn sᴉ ɥɔᴉɥʍ 'uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ʇᴉɟ oʇ pǝʇʇɐɯɹoɟ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʇxǝʇ sᴉɥ┴ Approved by the FDA. Made in a facility that also processes wheat, eggs, and radioactive materials. ¡noʎ ploʇ 'ǝǝS White text included at no additional charge.Warning: Although the company has taken reasonable precautions to ensure no viruses are present in this product, the company cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this cookie or attachments. The opinions expressed above are yours. They are not necessarily those of my employer or myself. The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of my employer, not necessarily mine, and probably not necessary. This message represents the official view of the voices in my head. This disclaimer is available to the visually impaird.Calorie measurements are estimates only - Individual weight loss may vary.Cook Thoroughly.Cookies will be extended to those persons born before 1901, as long as they are accompanied by their parents. Do not leave unattended. Do not prepare in a toaster oven or nuclear facility. This supersedes any previous disclaimer: The above disclaimers may be inacurate and cookies will be provided in case of Shardic intervention.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ookla the Absent Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 In reading the disclaimer, I think I suffered prolonged exposure to the disclaimer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citadel16 he/him Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 (edited) the knightbloods have no disclaimers other than we are not responsible for losses in investiture from any source, nor the consequences thereof. that being said, Would you like to slay some evil today? and welcome to the shard! Edited January 8, 2016 by warriormark16 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 the knightbloods have no disclaimers other than we are not responsible for losses in investiture from any source, nor the consequences thereof. that being said, Would you like to slay some evil today? and welcome to the shard! See? No disclaimer, they're so reckless they don't want people to be informed about the consequences. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormgate he/him Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 They have the only disclaimer that matters for them. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citadel16 he/him Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 um... that was the consequence. if you mess around with investiture sucking swords you will probably end up as dead as cotton candy made of baby. sigh... this is what reading the church of wayne stuff makes you write. well! in any case we are not responsible for loss of investiture followed by death in any way shape or form. that my friends is true freedom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaymyth she/her Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 sigh... this is what reading the church of wayne stuff makes you write. Glad to be of service! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mashadar Mistborn he/him Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 That is the way of the Alley, always finding more questions to answer. Hey it's all there in the disclaimer, it's not our fault if no one reads it. Disclaimer: Disclaimers follow. (Neither the seller not the manufacturer will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited. Above terms subject to change without notice. Action figures sold separately. Actual price set by retailers. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant. All rights reserved. All sales final. Any other application constitutes fraud. At participating locations only. Alternate toy available for children under 3. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. Caveat emptor. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye. Your results may vary. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of a Shard, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.). User assumes full liabilities. Some humor and satire included. Price and participation may vary. Not to be used for the other use. Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor. May be addictive. Must be 18 months or older to order. Prices subject to change without notice. No refunds available. There is a slight chance (between 12-87%) of Ruinous corruption; this may or may not cause the following side effects (including, but not limited to): delusions of grandeur, hallucinations, compulsive and destructive behavior, pain, headaches, voices in your head, pneumonia, heart attack, stoke, severe internal bleeding, and death. These side effects are not permanent and are perfectly normal. Please see your cookie vendor to see if Hemalurgy is right for you. No kandra were harmed in the making of this product. Some disclaimers may not apply to all participating victims participants. All constitutional rights are waved by use of this product. Irreparable damage may occur. Vendor is not liable for damaged packaging, bodies, or souls. There is always another secret. Surgeon's Warning: Spiking causes severe Investiture warping. Fragile. This side up. If normality persists for a period of time exceeding 30 days, consult with a Dark Alley representative near you. This may be a sign of chronic dementia. This side down. The information contained in this disclaimer is intended by the Dark Alley for the use of consumers only and may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and/or protected from disclosure by inapplicable laws. Contents of this disclaimer are under pressure. This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Shake well before using. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Avoid prolonged exposure to this disclaimer. Do not read this disclaimer while driving a vehicle or operating heavy equipment. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and intended by the author. Reading this disclaimer does not provide grounds for a legal dispute. Parental guidance suggested. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt at home. See the owner's manual for more information.Trespassers will be spiked.˙ʍolloɟ llᴉʍ ʇxǝʇ pǝʇɹǝʌuᴉ ǝɹoW ˙ʎɔuǝᴉɔᴉɟɟǝ ƃuᴉpɐǝɹ ǝzᴉɯᴉxɐɯ oʇ uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ǝʇɐʇoɹ ǝsɐǝlԀ ˙uʍop ǝpᴉsdn sᴉ ɥɔᴉɥʍ 'uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ʇᴉɟ oʇ pǝʇʇɐɯɹoɟ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʇxǝʇ sᴉɥ┴ Approved by the FDA. Made in a facility that also processes wheat, eggs, and radioactive materials. ¡noʎ ploʇ 'ǝǝS White text included at no additional charge.Warning: Although the company has taken reasonable precautions to ensure no viruses are present in this product, the company cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this cookie or attachments. The opinions expressed above are yours. They are not necessarily those of my employer or myself. The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of my employer, not necessarily mine, and probably not necessary. This message represents the official view of the voices in my head. This disclaimer is available to the visually impaird.Calorie measurements are estimates only - Individual weight loss may vary.Cook Thoroughly.Cookies will be extended to those persons born before 1901, as long as they are accompanied by their parents. Do not leave unattended. Do not prepare in a toaster oven or nuclear facility. This supersedes any previous disclaimer: The above disclaimers may be inacurate and cookies will be provided in case of Shardic intervention.) I printed that disclaimer and it sits on my door. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Creepileigh Posted January 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 I feel like I've walked into a protracted battle between groups I barely understand. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voidus Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 I feel like I've walked into a protracted battle between groups I barely understand. Apologies for that, the social guilds can get a little heated in the introduction section sometimes If you'd ever like to join the insanity then just visit the social groups, clans and guilds subforum at the bottom of the site. We're all open to visitors. Other than that, hope to see you around the forums! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaymyth she/her Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 I feel like I've walked into a protracted battle between groups I barely understand. It's a friendly battle, I assure you. *grumblemumbles about the spike lodged between my ribs from when I was a foolish enough newbie to accept a cookie...I don't even know what it does...* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cam9ryn Stormblessed Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 Apologies for that, the social guilds can get a little heated in the introduction section sometimes If you'd ever like to join the insanity then just visit the social groups, clans and guilds subforum at the bottom of the site. We're all open to visitors. Other than that, hope to see you around the forums! I think "heated" is a hilarious way to put it. The worst I've seen is one downvote. It's a crazy fantastic alley of the Internet. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stormgate he/him Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 At the end of it all, we still are members of the 17th Shard who generally respond civilly to posts and probably won't stab you with a Hemalurgic spike made from sentient cardboard. I can't speak for the Alley. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChickenPlague he/him Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 *grumblemumbles about the spike lodged between my ribs from when I was a foolish enough newbie to accept a cookie...I don't even know what it does...* It is Feruchemical maturity. Like Atium for the mind. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaymyth she/her Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 It is Feruchemical maturity. Like Atium for the mind. *looks around her cube at all of the tiny plush unicorns and other toys* I don't think it worked. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChickenPlague he/him Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 You must be storing at the moment. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaymyth she/her Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 You must be storing at the moment. ...everything makes sense now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Citadel16 he/him Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 like how I can never seem to figure out how to stop filling chromium? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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