12/15/25 - Tooth and Claw sub 18, 2270 words

[Appol PhD they/he]

This is the last submission, and thanks for making it all the way through! J and K's section here is a bit less romantically oriented than a standard romance novel epilogue to focus more on their roles and goals, and I'm curious how that comes across. 

[AnAirSickFool]

Finished reading.

It was nice to see everyone doing well at the end after everything that happened. The ending leaves things open to more stories and give a desire to know more about how those stories play out. 

As with most things I only have small nitpicks. For example when stating that the flowers were roses the color is never specified. Roses come in a variety of colors each symbolizing something different depending on where you are from and the situation that you received them. so know the color of the flower gives an extra depth to characterization. 

In addition I feel saying that they are sterile and American is a disservice to a flower with a history stretching back thousands of years to China. 

[Paul SB]

After reading this one over I don't have anything to critique, really. It's a well-written epilogue that does exactly what an epilogue needs to do. It doesn't exactly wrap things up. It sets the characters on a new trajectory, which is a great way to leave open the possibility of sequels, but it feels like a complete story.

The one thought I had at the very end was that you had a perfect place to bring up the Paradox of Tolerance. Most kids in high school are not likely to have heard of it, but given some of the socio-political egghead stuff J talks about I would think he would be familiar. Very timely, and it would give an impression of urgency if you intend to write more about these characters, though I could just as easily see starting off the next book with it.  

As the blue fish says, just keep writing, just keep writing, writing, writing...

[ginger_reckoning]

 

Congrats on finishing another book! My main points on this submission are that I would like to see a little more mention of how they are dealing with being vampires a year in, such as how they deal with wanting blood, going out at day, and the fact they will be teenagers forever. 

Also, while K can be characterized as callous, I think just a little bit more of a hint of loss would make her more relatable.

Overall, as I have said before, I think this book could benefit from having P's viewpoint earlier on. I also think it could benefit from a scene from the viewpoint of J's brother earlier on so we can see how life is like as a vampire and get a better sense of the threat from the original gang of vampires. I really like the themes of this book and how it ties supernatural creatures into colonial conversations. Again, congrats! I'm glad I got to read this.

 

pg 3 "thrown away at his lowest point" thrown away by whom? I get the sentiment, presumably having his life ruined, but would maybe change it since I didn't get the sense G was going to kick him out or soemthing. Also, personally I would simplify this sentence by just saying something along the lines of "because the american healthcare system sucks" or something along those lines. I think including voters kind of muddies the sentence a little

"B's been helping he" helping her?

pg 5 "lack of body heat" can vampires get hypothermia? Interesting, but I don't think has been brought up before as a potential danger

I like the flower scene and it's very in character for both of them. 

"for every step they take" I think this last line might be more powerful if it just ends on "bleed"