Paul SB

Hello once again, In the first entry we get a little Anthropology 101, which is important thematically for the story but plot-wise it’s only a transition, so it might be a good chapter to cut. The problem is finding a way to show what they talk about (you can probably tell this was a chapter I wrote way back in 2001). The next chapter is also all conversation; a discussion of the situation at the colony. I’m not sure if there is a way to get this information across otherwise. It makes sense that this is something that would be discussed directly, like the topic of a meeting, but meetings are still pretty boring. Thanks for taking a look. I would love to hear what people think.

Seems like you have been pretty busy lately. That's okay, since it's not like we're getting paid for this. I trimmed a bit of the first entry to get to the more interesting bits a little quicker, and dropped some hints about why the T couldn't understand the way humans reacted to them. It's been a while since the first book was posted. By the end all six of the crew had their brains modified, but they were too busy to really explore their new clusters. Over this and the next couple books they are going to find out that they can do a lot more than just talk without moving their mouths. No one in the Underground knows any of this, though, so they really had no idea what to tell the refugees.

Here comes another Monday ...

Back for more! The first entry has the mentor character (JRR) call in RM (the siekick/romantic interest) to give her a special assignment, one that is much more personal, that she has to keep a secret from AH (the official protagonist). I hope it doesn’t come across like a big coincidence. The second entry is told from the POV of the character that has gone cataleptic. In the middle is a flashback to just before the events of the first book. The whole flashback is in italics, and it’s clear to me what’s happening, but I’m not sure other readers might get confused. If that’s the case for you, pleas let me know and any suggestions that could make it more clear. Thanks again! The Backbone of Night In last week’s episode … Sub 01 Entry 02.01 — After the events of Volume 1, Amal and her hex have been taking it easy in Twilight’s Rift with Valirand and it’s mate and new baby. After Valirand invites Rey to be the first human to go inside the baby, Toona freaks out and attacks Rey using a telekinetic ability no one knew she had, then goes back into the cataleptic state she had spent most of her life in. Supplemental Entry 024BFZ7//-008 — Archbishop Cyril IX, the nominal head of the Church of the Holy Flame, the only religious organization that openly exists in the Meritocracy, meets with his underlings to discuss two projects that the Church is implementing now that the Meritocracy is in a labor crisis. One involves a planet that they have set up as a pilgrim site, the other a program of assassinations. Cyril decides to send an agent of the morality police to the pilgrimage site under the pretense of concern over entertainments. Entry 02.02 — The Hex transfer from V to M so V can stay home with the baby while M flies them back to Tel. space in the hopes that the aliens can figure out what’s wrong with Too. Supplemental Entry 024BFF1//-006 — While President M is away on some mission, Mor. is in charge, and she decides to visit a cafeteria and pretend to be an ordinary employee to get an idea of what the unwashed masses are talking about (the old Henry V trick). Entry 02.03 — The hex meet up with some familiar Tel. and find out that the human colony is not faring well. Entry 02.04 — A & R meet the command nexus in charge of the colony and find that the situation is worse than they had guessed, and the leader is arrogant and hostile to them. Supplemental Entry 166JAR\\-017 — The patron of our protagonists meets them and gives them assignments to help expose the Church’s fraudulent pilgrimage planet. This will involve splitting the group up. Supplemental Entry 126TVU//-011— We meet a few operatives for the Underground who have to deal with the chaos that human space has been thrown into because of the labor crisis they caused in the previous book. Bon Apetít!

Hey, the dwarf is back! It’s been too quiet around here. I’m up for tomorrow, of course

Okay, I'll send this one to you directly. You seem to have evaporated there for a while.

Hello everybody, It’s been two weeks and not a peep. Not encouraging, but I do want to keep this going. This time we have two supplemental entries, meaning that they center around other characters than our hex of protagonists. The first is the mentor character, who parcels out assignments to our protagonists. It runs a bit long, so I would appreciate any suggestions for places it can be trimmed without denuding the chapter of its life and purpose. The second introduces new characters for the purpose of showing the reader some of the chaos happening in the Meritocracy that our protagonists haven’t encountered personally, as they have been on vacation in the middle of nowhere. Now that I think of it, that could be accomplished with epigrams like newscasts, maybe even something like journal entries. These characters reappear in Book 4 and have more of a role, interacting directly with one of our protagonists. So their presence in this book isn’t strictly necessary, though it might feel like a bit of a treat to a reader who meets them in Book 4 and remembers their brief appearance in Book 2. If nothing else, it gives the (mistaken) impression that the author knew what he was doing. The Backbone of Night In last week’s episode … Sub 01 Entry 02.01 — After the events of Volume 1, Amal and her hex have been taking it easy in Twilight’s Rift with Valirand and it’s mate and new baby. After Valirand invites Rey to be the first human to go inside the baby, Toona freaks out and attacks Rey using a telekinetic ability no one knew she had, then goes back into the cataleptic state she had spent most of her life in. Supplemental Entry 024BFZ7//-008 — Archbishop Cyril IX, the nominal head of the Church of the Holy Flame, the only religious organization that openly exists in the Meritocracy, meets with his underlings to discuss two projects that the Church is implementing now that the Meritocracy is in a labor crisis. One involves a planet that they have set up as a pilgrim site, the other a program of assassinations. Cyril decides to send an agent of the morality police to the pilgrimage site under the pretense of concern over entertainments. Entry 02.02 — The Hex transfer from V to M so V can stay home with the baby while M flies them back to Tel. space in the hopes that the aliens can figure out what’s wrong with Too. Supplemental Entry 024BFF1//-006 — While President M is away on some mission, Mor. is in charge, and she decides to visit a cafeteria and pretend to be an ordinary employee to get an idea of what the unwashed masses are talking about (the old Henry V trick). Entry 02.03 — The hex meet up with some familiar Tel. and find out that the human colony is not faring well. Entry 02.04 — A & R meet the command nexus in charge of the colony and find that the situation is worse than they had guessed, and the leader is arrogant and hostile to them. Bon Apetít!

Umm ...

You seem to have disappeared for a while. I said I would give you an example from someone who writes way better than I do to show you what I mean in terms of giving the reader some of the feel of the scene, I've been pretty worn out lately. Here's a little excerpt I got by transcribing an audiobook, after the author gave me permission, of course. From The Rigel Redemption by Robin Duncan YL shifted in the darkness, moving against Quirk with the with the train’s tilt toward the inside of a bend in order to maintain its ludicrously high speed. Massive machines did no more than hum softly to them. Super dense wheels, agile bogeys, silky hydraulics cushioning her dreams, lulling him toward familiar nightmares. This isn't very long, but it brings in sound and the sensation of movement, which helps pull the reader into the scene. I had an old gaming buddy ages ago who decided that he was going to write a novel after I drafted my first. He wrote a long, rambling historical drama in the time of Pharaoh Thutmose II. There were places where he went on for literally four pages just describing the room the protagonist entered. Don't do that. But little additions like the excerpt above could do wonders for both your prose and your narrative voice. Of course I need to practice what I'm preaching here, too. Every time I read a better author I learn a little, at least if my hippocampus is willing to cooperate with me. Hope to see you again soon.

Hello again, In our next exciting episode, our heroes arrive in the territory of their friendly aliens, who immediately take the cataleptic communication nexus under observation. At the same time, A & R ask about the new colony and get disappointing news. It's my hope that the current situation, much of which is hindered by cross-species communication failures, feels both believable and sufficiently alien to make sense. They have a very frustrating conversation with the command nexus in charge who threatens to shut the colony down if there isn't sufficient progress, so the stakes are high both for them and the future for a splinter of humanity. I hope you all enjoy the show.

I guess ... If I don't maybe no one will, and Reading Excuses will be effectively kaput.

Another Monday cometh. No one seems to be home, though.

Back for more. This submission has two entries. The first is just a connecting flight -- the protagonists move from one ship to another so they can go back to the galaxy while V can stay home with the baby. I'm not certain this scene is even needed, especially given the high word count (currently 113 Kilowords). It also reintroduces a minor character from the first book who will have a role to play later in this one. The second entry follows a character that was pretty background in the first volume. Here Morgan's assistant pulls a Henry V, pretending to be a common employee and goes to the cafeteria to get an idea of what the plebes are thinking. This scene might also not be strictly necessary, but this character will have an increasing role to play over this and the next book, so I wanted to do something to make her more than a cardboard cutout. Thanks for taking a peek.

I have checked my spam folder and that doesn't seem to be the issue. Connor has said the same thing to me, and he has had to ask me to resend much more often than I have asked him. That might be a platform issue, assuming he uses a PC, since I use Mac. I hope this clue helps. Happy bug hunting!

… I hear them saying (tomorrow's just another day) I hear them saying (and it gets better every day) I hear them saying (tomorrow's just another day) Tomorrow's just another day A little Madness for you. Tomorrow's another Monday, and another submission, I presume?