10/13/25 - Appol PhD - Tooth and Claw sub 9, 3731 words (L)

[Appol PhD they/he]

This one ended up a bit shorter, which balances out me going over by a bit last week. Thanks as always! 

[Paul SB]

What worked:

Chapter 17

 

The more sedate reactions from G shows that he is not a cardboard character. There’s more going on in there.

 

“He should know that I’m practical and happy to seek him out when he can actually help rather than being some stubborn teenager stereotype.” Good line of thought

 

I love how you didn’t go for the fairy-tale magical transformation when K called L’s name.

 

“Funny how near-death experiences can turn even me into someone who strips down to her underwear to share a bed with a cute guy she’s only known for a week.”

Believe it or not, there’s actually a good scientific basis for that, though it’s unlikely K would know.

 

“Because he is a monster who must remain docile and subservient to humans in order to exit. A monster who must provide and educate and forgive while never ever taking. A monster who becomes a violent creature simply by reaching out for another person’s touch.”

Another really solid observation.

 

 

Chapter 18

“If he considers the time before now his second lease on life then this reasoning must be what’s kept him going so far, but I’m not sure how much longer it can last.”

Another very astute observation for a teenager. What does this girl read?

 

 

What didn’t work:

Chapter 17

The opening paragraph seems a little over the top. She just rescued the guy, so why wouldn’t he be smiling?

 

Nonetheless, a first aid kit in a car is just a smart thing to do.

 

Given G’s Asian parent paranoia, I wouldn’t think he would let K be alone with L when he knows he will turn out naked when he transforms back to human.

 

I would think that being a warm body would be important, but insufficient by itself. K & L like each other for who they are, not only what they are. Otherwise, anybody would do.

 

Chapter 18

 

The text conversation was cute, but maybe a bit longer than it needed to be. You might cut the bit about outdated slang.

 

Otherwise I think the chapter pretty much did what it needed to do.

[ginger_reckoning]

Fewer notes on this one, possibly since I accidentally read these subs out of order. Whoops, haha

 

Sub 9

 

Okay, so I see this is the real sub 9 haha, I think that may be why I was confused by some of the stuff in the last one, also called sub 9. For instance, I thought it was kind of a weird cut from them running to being mostly okay, so I think this will help fix that confusion haha. I thought I just had a really bad case of WRS

 

Pg1 “I’m surprised he doesn’t mention” should be surprised

“Unconcious wolf J” the way he was described made him sound way too big to be carried under one arm. I believe he was said to be 4 feet tall even on all fours, which would be bigger than a great dane. Even if N is superhumanly strong that would be really awkward to hold 

 

“Reminds me of them” its a little unclear who the them is here, though it is answered in the next couple of sentences so maybe not a big deal. I still think that her being strong enough to carry both of them with one arm each is more of a giveaway to having powers haha

 

“I’m practical and happy to seek him out” this sentence read a little clunky to me

 

“Asian parents” I feel like this particular instance is more just a “parents” thing 

 

Pg4 “G doesn’t step me” should be “stop”

 

“And with how fluffy” I think this would read better to cut the word “and” 

 

The scene where he turns back is cute. 

 

“In order to exit” should be exist

 

“Use my warm body” Yeah, I feel like she has inferiority issues, I really hope they get addressed at some point. I think that this isn't trying to encourage or romanticize this kind of thinking, and is just trying to be representational, but I can also see a young teenager reading this and not understanding that

 

I like the text conversation I think it characterizes N quickly

 

“Did you just imply that…” I actually don’t know what they implied here. If anything, it was implied that B was the cause of J’s last breakup. I see later it’s that the two of them dated, but if that’s the case the implication could be a little stronger imo