6/16/25 - Ace of Hearts - Sanctuary of Steel, 3454 words

[Appol PhD they/he]

Additional content warning for abusive relationships. 

 

Hi everyone,

 

This is a prequel short story for my YA paranormal romance novel A Bond of Wildflowers. It follows the perspective of the love interest a few months before the novel, since he has more going on in the background at this point than the protagonist. I tried to balance it so it both feels like a cohesive story while also acting as a hook to A Bond of Wildflowers without revealing too many of the twists in the novel, which is a tricky thing to balance. For readers who have read A Bond of Wildflowers, I'd love to hear if this feels like a proper tie-in. 

 

Thanks! 

[Paul SB]

I'm new here, so I haven't read your book. Most of my critique is typos, minor grammar errors and the like, not much for making deep connections.

 

That way I won’t have to worry about you feeling sexist when you get away.” (… when you break up?)

 

“What happened,” I say, “To being okay if I wanted to go back?” (To should not be capitalized)

 

The two are meeting next week at an Irish pub downton (downtown)

 

She furrows her brow and opens her mouth to try and force (try to force)

 

Still, I don’t know why he even wants to be at the meeting. I ask him as much, and in response he ignores me too for the rest of the night. On the evening before the scheduled meetup, our parents discuss the matter over dinner between the three of us while Hugo eats in his room.

“If we keep letting him get away with this,” my mom says, “We’ll never see the end of it.”

(Still, I don’t know why he even wants to be at the meeting. I ask him as much, and in response he ignores me too for the rest of the night.

On the evening before the scheduled meetup, our parents discuss the matter over dinner between the three of us while Hugo eats in his room. “If we keep letting him get away with this,” my mom says, “We’ll never see the end of it.”)

 

“So instead of getting better at explaining himself so I can actually follow his reasoning, he throws a fit.” (He is a teenager - I’m surprised no one points this out)

 

He sees her for who she is, so much that I even had to defend her when he called her a fascist dictator.” (Be careful about using this word. It has become so cliché that these days few people even know what it really is, and when a word gets overused like that, it loses its meaning. I haven’t read the story this is a prequel to, but in this context I’m a little bit doubtful that the evil grandmother is a staunch anti-Marxist. Just dictator should work fine, or maybe something more sensory, like iron-fisted dictator.)

 

She takes the care to the fourth level of a parking garage (car)

 

After walking a few blocks, we finally arrive at the restaurant, marked a sign with a four-leaf clover (marked by a sign)

 

sitting at a small four-person table (small is redundant)

 

I should tell her that I’m  But before I can even open my mouth (I should tell her that,  but before I can even open my mouth …)

 

 

Fey use the truth to deceive and divide, while humans use lies to unify and ensure good faith cooperation. (This is a good, thought-provoking line.)

 

It’s easy to see how the internet stories about abandoned fiancées and wives come to pass when boys are coddled and don’t have to learn from their mistakes. (Also a good, thought-provoking line.)

 

[ginger_reckoning]

I think this works great as a tie-in to Bond of Wildflowers, especially showing how N already accepted that C was abusive and that he doesn't really want to go back. 

I'm curious as to the context this would appear in relation to Bond of Wildflowers. Is this intended to be included with the rest of the story, like as an introductory section, or as a prologue, or to be published seperately? To me, it does read more like a prologue or chapter one than a self contained story but that is probably just because I read Bond. 

N doesn't have a ton of agency in this I felt like, but that does kind of seem to be the point so it's not really a huge deal. He does feel a bit like a spectator though, though I do like how this sets him up for what happens in Bond, and his introspections are interesting to read. 

 

 

 

Pg 1 I feel like this sentence is a little confusing, like it’s a lot to take in for just one sentence and its a little unclear if the narrator is the girlfriend in question or not

 

“Left alone with glassy” this is also a little confusing, had to go back and infer that she was left in the fey realm

 

“Makes sense that we don’t” I think should be “makes sense since we don’t” 

 

“Across the face when frustrated” I would suggest adding “she is” after when

 

“Not at listening” this a really good line for characterization of the narrator

 

Pg 2 “digital watch” Okay I like H

 

Pg 3 “she hasn’t worked out” this phrase sticks out to me and makes me wonder what exactly he means by "worked out" 

 

“My grandmother” also makes it seem way more formal as opposed to just “grandmother”

 

Pg 6 I really like how the building is described as being alien and magical 

 

“She takes the care to the fourth level” should be car

 

P7 “corned beef” small issue, but I feel like if they heard this whole exchange as they approach it might be better to put exactly what they overheard in quotes, since it’s a pretty specific idea. I do like how this exchange immediately establishes a lot about the family and their dynamic 

 

P8 “should tell her that I’m” I think should have an ellipsis or em dash?

 

P10 “car painted pink” nice

[Appol PhD they/he]

6 hours ago, ginger_reckoning said:

Is this intended to be included with the rest of the story, like as an introductory section, or as a prologue, or to be published seperately?

Thanks for the feedback! The idea is that it's going to be separate from the actual novel but tie into it, so ideally it both stands on its own and could hook someone into reading A Bond of Wildflowers.