Mental health club!

[Keke They/he]

Just now, The Sly Cookie said:

If you remember my short story I wrote, it talks just all about this. I totally get you, I know how you feel. Just here to let you know, you're not alone.

Danke.

Thank you

That means thanks...

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

49 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Reveal hidden contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

*huuuuuuugs*

Edit: in class rn but will write out more when I'm out

Inbthe meantime *hugs more*

 

Edited March 26, 2025 by Just A Silvereye

[Honors Spectral Image She/her]

On 3/24/2025 at 9:37 PM, MirkerLurker said:

YES
I instinctively over-apologize. I've been working on doing it less. My reassurance is to let you know that you don't need to. But I'm not bothered by it. I do it too. I'll only play-smack you for it if I think you're beating yourself up, because we don't beat ourselves up around here. We give hugs instead.

 

Ahhhh, yep.

I never opened up enough in therapy for it to do any good while I was in high school. It wasn't till last year that I felt stable enough to try that (irony much? Had to get myself stable enough that I could do therapy properly), and it worked this time, actually helped - because yeah, if you're not ready to be really honest with it, it doesn't do much. I wouldn't bother with it then, with where you are now. And with your mom having her own anxiety...yeah, if you can keep yourself stable enough to manage for a...few years? Dunno how old you are...for long enough that you're living on your own and can start trying things your own way, without having to worry so much about triggering your mom's anxiety, I'd say keep working on it as you are. If it gets really bad, reconsider, but also, we're here anytime you want hugs and support.

 

You're boring? You at least wear a nice shirt - my everyday outfit is basic jeans and a zip-front hoodie over a t-shirt. 

Oooh, highly recommend lying down in the dirt and letting the earth slowly reclaim you. 10/10 would do again.

 

A few words if you want them; and if you don't, I shall just join Shattered Cosmere in sitting quietly with you. And honestly, this may not be encouraging. It's just my experience.

"I feel like a child playing dress up; I feel like I don't know what I'm doing"
As an adult, I can tell you - we all feel like that. All the adults, who look so commanding and decisive and responsible and mature and all that - we all feel like kids playing dress up. Inside, we're all frantically trying to figure out what we're supposed to be doing, let alone how to do it. Only now, we're also expected to tell other people what to do and how to do it too. We feel like imposters; but realizing that helps some, because then we can remember to reach out and help each other. We realize there's no "right answer" that everybody else has that we somehow missed; we realize that we're supposed to be reaching out to each other, leaning on each other, and figuring it out together.

We'll stay with you. Help you when you want it. Sit with you when you don't want help. I'm sorry you feel small; like nothing makes a difference.
I'm glad you're here.

 

Cookie! You're back! And you're smiling! Good to hear from you 
 

It's not about doing it right. It's about doing it better. Any time someone lets you know something you're doing wrong, it means you have a chance to do better. You can apologize to them, but I would strongly recommend asking them "how can I be a better friend to you?" or something in those lines.

"It's not the first, step, is it? It's the next one. Always the next step."

We'll stay. You won't lose everything. We're here.

 

Yes. *hug*

 

KITTYCATS! FLOOFY KITTYCATS!

Thank you so much i will try that

Tehe goes to bed at four in morning

[Throw TheLiving Silverware he/him/il/lui]

4 hours ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Hide contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

Coming back to this

*huugs*

Hey. Listen. You have been through a lot in your life. You have every right to feel sad and angry and unwell. You have every right to struggle.

You have every right to be who you are, and not who the others want you to be.

You have every right to want to come back to better times. And while no one can turn back the clock, you can take steps to get better and have a better future. In fact, I know you've already started that.

Not being able to open up to people around you, or even to be who you feel is the real you, really sucks. It sucks so so much. This said, you should probably try to sort that whole thing with your friends out; because if they are friends with a mask that hurts you the more you put it, and not with you, then it will hurt you even more long-term. I don't really know what would be the best way to do that (people who have irl friends please help) but it needs to be done.

And I'm glad you stayed. Whatever the reason, I am very glad you stayed with us. There is never a wrong reason to not pull the trigger.

I wish I could go to you, hold you tight and listen to you brain barfing for as long as you need to. But I can't. All I can give you are some words and virtual hugs.

Please never forget: we love you as you are, with all the bruises and scars and wounds and flaws. For those are part of what makes you you, and you are awesome and fun and just someone really cool. And I know I wouldnt trade you for anyone else.

*huuuuuuuuuuugs*

 

 

12 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

(cw - suicide, death, grief)

  Reveal hidden contents

this morning i found out from a friend that a girl at school committed suicide yesterday

about an hour ago the school sent out an email announcing her death

i've been sitting here for about the past half hour grieving her

i didn't know her

i'm still sad, though

i'm sad for her friends

i'm sad for her family

i'm sad for everyone who gets affected because of it

i'm sad that she didn't think she could reach out for help

i'm sad that she thought she had to die

i'm sad that she died

suicide's a topic that's always been really close to my heart, especially because i was so close to doing it myself a few years ago at fsy

i wasn't the one who stopped me -- someone else did

someone else walked in and invited me to play a game of mash

i agreed, because i was ashamed

i didn't want her to know

i never told her that she literally saved my life that day

if she hadn't been there, i might be exactly like this girl

i might be dead

and a strange might be grieving my death

grieving it as if it was her own

please

never ever ever kill yourself

it's not worth it

trust me

 

*hugs*

That's really horrible

I dont really know what to say

I hope that she is happier now, wherever she is

12 hours ago, TwinStorm said:

cw 

  Reveal hidden contents

I'm scared

not for me

but for other people

I'm afraid I'll hurt the people around me

whenever I hold a sharp knife its just...

idk

and it scares me

I don't know what to do

its not a bad thing ig

im able to protect people 

but still

terrifying to me

 

*hugs*

I can imagine how hard it is

If it can reassure you, I would trust you to do good

 

12 hours ago, reisleK said:

Firstly, hugs to anyone and everyone who wants one.

Secondly, I'm contemplating breaking up with my partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/insert any other term here. 
Rant incoming (sticking it in here because I predict it will be LONG):
For reference, they use he/they pronouns

  Reveal hidden contents

Why, you might ask? I just... don't feel like I used to. They visited like two days ago and my mom was like "They seem to be so much more into you than you are into them." and thinking about it, I think it's true. I love him, but sometimes I feel like it's mostly platonic but it also ebbs and flows. I just feel like a good girlfriend wouldn't contemplate breaking up every few months. But it would not only crush him and I care way too much to do that but what if I regret it later? Since I know my love for him fluctuates (he's aware of it) I worry that it'd be a stupid mistake. But maybe we just need to communicate more and breaking up seems like a good escape? We're long distance at this point which is hard (our schools are an hour away from each other but we live maybe 4-5 hours away. He lives in an area where I have a ton of family so it's not very hard to get there.)

Also he's very future thinking which I'm not, it also stresses me out and makes me feel trapped. Like why are you talking about us getting married?? We are in HIGHSCHOOL!!! Our frontal lobes are NOT fully developed. 

I just feel like our relationship should be "better". I have school therapy (since I'm at boarding school) tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it but I also want to talk to my home therapist before too. 

I just feel like I'd crush him if I broke up with him and I just worry. They're at a therapeutic boarding school and will be until August so I know he'll be safe, which is the most important part just ARRGHHH

They also used to be like my safe person in the sense that when I'm stressed, their presence was calming but I don't know anymore. 

I learned that he could come to prom at my school and I'm just... disappointed. Which isn't a good sign. Maybe it's social pressure since they don't conform to the vibe (for a lack of a better word) just like arghhh. 

Pros and Cons 

Pros:
Don't have to figure out what we do in the future going off to college and stuff
Don't have to worry about any of this
I won't be leading them on (though if this goes away than its irrelevant)
I consider breaking up before college (we're juniors in high school) anyway and now (or anytime between now and august) would in theory be a good time. 
Being single would probably give me more time to work on relationship work with my therapist over the summer

Cons:
I'll loose them as not only a partner but as a friend as well (there's a slight chance we could still be friends but I'm not sure)
He's one of my last connections to my old school and he can wrangle my friend who never responds to texts
He'd be crushed
His family would be crushed
I'd feel bad/Guilty
I might regret it
It might make more sense just to see how it goes for now
I wouldn't be able to attend prom at my old school and see my friends


Just wanted to rant. 

Anyway, I should probably go to dinner. 

*hugs*

Dang that's a tough situation to be in

I don't know what to say

I hope you can find something that works well for everyone involved

 

 

*hugs to everyone else who needs it, and the others too*

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Hide contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

I understand. I really understand.

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back

Yes. I do. More than that, I’m scared of the person I’m becoming. It’s like being stuck between two abysses, walking a tightrope but unable to see which is which.

The past will always be there, trying to control you. What matters is that you keep walking. Even if you don’t know which way you’re going.

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

o in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

I do this too. While the music is on, it feels for a second like I can do anything, and nothings stopping me. And then I turn it off, and I fall back into my life. My meaningless, pathetic life.

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Yes. And for this, I don’t have the answers. But maybe, we can find them together.

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

So you pretend to be someone you’re not. You look at others, the expectations they have for you, and begin to wonder when you became a terrible person. When you let them down. And when they will notice.

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

You’re not bad. Maybe you’re different. You’re hurting, and you feel like a terrible person. You want things you can never have again.

But that little girl? She didn’t endure the things you have. She didn’t suffer through waves of fear and anxiety and come out the other side stronger. She didn’t survive.

But you did. The world has been hard on you, and you’re still alive. And that’s amazing.

5 hours ago, Hawks said:

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Because they don’t know what normal for you is. Nobody does. And so you are forced to carry the weight. On and on. Alone.

But you don’t have to. We’re here for you. And we can carry some of the weight.

6 hours ago, Hawks said:

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family

I really need to go now. But talk to me, okay? I’m your friend, Hawks. I want to help you. I don’t care how bad you think you are.

*mega hugs*

[Keke They/he]

1 hour ago, Just A Silvereye said:

Coming back to this

*huugs*

Hey. Listen. You have been through a lot in your life. You have every right to feel sad and angry and unwell. You have every right to struggle.

You have every right to be who you are, and not who the others want you to be.

You have every right to want to come back to better times. And while no one can turn back the clock, you can take steps to get better and have a better future. In fact, I know you've already started that.

Not being able to open up to people around you, or even to be who you feel is the real you, really sucks. It sucks so so much. This said, you should probably try to sort that whole thing with your friends out; because if they are friends with a mask that hurts you the more you put it, and not with you, then it will hurt you even more long-term. I don't really know what would be the best way to do that (people who have irl friends please help) but it needs to be done.

And I'm glad you stayed. Whatever the reason, I am very glad you stayed with us. There is never a wrong reason to not pull the trigger.

I wish I could go to you, hold you tight and listen to you brain barfing for as long as you need to. But I can't. All I can give you are some words and virtual hugs.

Please never forget: we love you as you are, with all the bruises and scars and wounds and flaws. For those are part of what makes you you, and you are awesome and fun and just someone really cool. And I know I wouldnt trade you for anyone else.

*huuuuuuuuuuugs*

 

19 minutes ago, Hoid_Slayer said:

I understand. I really understand.

Yes. I do. More than that, I’m scared of the person I’m becoming. It’s like being stuck between two abysses, walking a tightrope but unable to see which is which.

The past will always be there, trying to control you. What matters is that you keep walking. Even if you don’t know which way you’re going.

I do this too. While the music is on, it feels for a second like I can do anything, and nothings stopping me. And then I turn it off, and I fall back into my life. My meaningless, pathetic life.

Yes. And for this, I don’t have the answers. But maybe, we can find them together.

So you pretend to be someone you’re not. You look at others, the expectations they have for you, and begin to wonder when you became a terrible person. When you let them down. And when they will notice.

You’re not bad. Maybe you’re different. You’re hurting, and you feel like a terrible person. You want things you can never have again.

But that little girl? She didn’t endure the things you have. She didn’t suffer through waves of fear and anxiety and come out the other side stronger. She didn’t survive.

But you did. The world has been hard on you, and you’re still alive. And that’s amazing.

Because they don’t know what normal for you is. Nobody does. And so you are forced to carry the weight. On and on. Alone.

But you don’t have to. We’re here for you. And we can carry some of the weight.

I really need to go now. But talk to me, okay? I’m your friend, Hawks. I want to help you. I don’t care how bad you think you are.

*mega hugs*

I cannot audibly express how much these helped me. 

These were the best things I've ever heard. Yall

Rhank you so much for this. *huge hugs*

[Through the Living Questio he/him]

16 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

(cw - suicide, death, grief)

  Reveal hidden contents

this morning i found out from a friend that a girl at school committed suicide yesterday

about an hour ago the school sent out an email announcing her death

i've been sitting here for about the past half hour grieving her

i didn't know her

i'm still sad, though

i'm sad for her friends

i'm sad for her family

i'm sad for everyone who gets affected because of it

i'm sad that she didn't think she could reach out for help

i'm sad that she thought she had to die

i'm sad that she died

suicide's a topic that's always been really close to my heart, especially because i was so close to doing it myself a few years ago at fsy

i wasn't the one who stopped me -- someone else did

someone else walked in and invited me to play a game of mash

i agreed, because i was ashamed

i didn't want her to know

i never told her that she literally saved my life that day

if she hadn't been there, i might be exactly like this girl

i might be dead

and a strange might be grieving my death

grieving it as if it was her own

please

never ever ever kill yourself

it's not worth it

trust me

 

I’m terrified of this happening to someone I care about 

Spoiler

A friend has attempted it, but I think she’s doing better now

Spoiler

my girlfriend has attempted it multiple times 

and I’m scared of losing them

In English we have a non-fiction book club and I picked a more tame book 

main reason is that I’ve wanted to read it for a long time 

the other is that many of the other books are more serious 

and one of them 

I didn’t even try to read 

I read the back panel and it just 

it’s about a girl committing suicide and

I

can’t read that

a part of me didn’t even want to read your post

but I did it anyways because I care too much about the random online people on this forum to listen to that segment of my consciousness 

 

on another note… 

(cw: violence) 

Spoiler

I’m scared 

of myself 

of others 

of the world 

just now was the second time in two weeks when I’ve had someone hit my backpack or instrument case while they’re on my back. 

on Monday, two of my friends were talking crap about me and insulting me while I could here but I don’t know if they knew I could hear them 

and my mind just 

flashed to an image of me attacking with my water bottle and it scared me 

Spoiler

it was worse than that but I’m taming it down because internet

I don’t know what to do 

I’m stressing over schoolwork and relationships and stuff 

and I’m slipping again 

people can tell 

and that’s really not good 

I try to avoid that but right now… 

I don’t know what to do 

it’s honestly funny to me that I can hide what I’m feeling from my close friends and family better than I can hide it from less good friends. 

(Not including gf in this because she knew because A. she could tell, and B. I told her

 

[Mags she/they]

no cause I'm lowkey having an anxiety attack

but I can't get out of class because there's a participation based lab today

sjfa;klsdfj;alskdjfaklsdjflsdfjl

I'll just cry during biology I guess

[Keke They/he]

8 minutes ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

I’m terrified of this happening to someone I care about 

  Hide contents

A friend has attempted it, but I think she’s doing better now

  Reveal hidden contents

my girlfriend has attempted it multiple times 

and I’m scared of losing them

In English we have a non-fiction book club and I picked a more tame book 

main reason is that I’ve wanted to read it for a long time 

the other is that many of the other books are more serious 

and one of them 

I didn’t even try to read 

I read the back panel and it just 

it’s about a girl committing suicide and

I

can’t read that

a part of me didn’t even want to read your post

but I did it anyways because I care too much about the random online people on this forum to listen to that segment of my consciousness 

 

on another note… 

(cw: violence) 

  Hide contents

I’m scared 

of myself 

of others 

of the world 

just now was the second time in two weeks when I’ve had someone hit my backpack or instrument case while they’re on my back. 

on Monday, two of my friends were talking crap about me and insulting me while I could here but I don’t know if they knew I could hear them 

and my mind just 

flashed to an image of me attacking with my water bottle and it scared me 

  Reveal hidden contents

it was worse than that but I’m taming it down because internet

I don’t know what to do 

I’m stressing over schoolwork and relationships and stuff 

and I’m slipping again 

people can tell 

and that’s really not good 

I try to avoid that but right now… 

I don’t know what to do 

it’s honestly funny to me that I can hide what I’m feeling from my close friends and family better than I can hide it from less good friends. 

(Not including gf in this because she knew because A. she could tell, and B. I told her

 

*hugs hugely* 

Just now, Mag said:

no cause I'm lowkey having an anxiety attack

but I can't get out of class because there's a participation based lab today

sjfa;klsdfj;alskdjfaklsdjflsdfjl

I'll just cry during biology I guess

*hugs* 

[Through the Living Hope]

11 minutes ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

I’m terrified of this happening to someone I care about 

  Hide contents

A friend has attempted it, but I think she’s doing better now

  Reveal hidden contents

my girlfriend has attempted it multiple times 

and I’m scared of losing them

In English we have a non-fiction book club and I picked a more tame book 

main reason is that I’ve wanted to read it for a long time 

the other is that many of the other books are more serious 

and one of them 

I didn’t even try to read 

I read the back panel and it just 

it’s about a girl committing suicide and

I

can’t read that

a part of me didn’t even want to read your post

but I did it anyways because I care too much about the random online people on this forum to listen to that segment of my consciousness 

 

on another note… 

(cw: violence) 

  Hide contents

I’m scared 

of myself 

of others 

of the world 

just now was the second time in two weeks when I’ve had someone hit my backpack or instrument case while they’re on my back. 

on Monday, two of my friends were talking crap about me and insulting me while I could here but I don’t know if they knew I could hear them 

and my mind just 

flashed to an image of me attacking with my water bottle and it scared me 

  Reveal hidden contents

it was worse than that but I’m taming it down because internet

I don’t know what to do 

I’m stressing over schoolwork and relationships and stuff 

and I’m slipping again 

people can tell 

and that’s really not good 

I try to avoid that but right now… 

I don’t know what to do 

it’s honestly funny to me that I can hide what I’m feeling from my close friends and family better than I can hide it from less good friends. 

(Not including gf in this because she knew because A. she could tell, and B. I told her

 

Oh... man.. *hug*

4 minutes ago, Mag said:

no cause I'm lowkey having an anxiety attack

but I can't get out of class because there's a participation based lab today

sjfa;klsdfj;alskdjfaklsdjflsdfjl

I'll just cry during biology I guess

*hug tight*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

9 hours ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Hide contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

*hug*

1 hour ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

I’m terrified of this happening to someone I care about 

  Reveal hidden contents

A friend has attempted it, but I think she’s doing better now

  Reveal hidden contents

my girlfriend has attempted it multiple times 

and I’m scared of losing them

In English we have a non-fiction book club and I picked a more tame book 

main reason is that I’ve wanted to read it for a long time 

the other is that many of the other books are more serious 

and one of them 

I didn’t even try to read 

I read the back panel and it just 

it’s about a girl committing suicide and

I

can’t read that

a part of me didn’t even want to read your post

but I did it anyways because I care too much about the random online people on this forum to listen to that segment of my consciousness 

 

on another note… 

(cw: violence) 

  Hide contents

I’m scared 

of myself 

of others 

of the world 

just now was the second time in two weeks when I’ve had someone hit my backpack or instrument case while they’re on my back. 

on Monday, two of my friends were talking crap about me and insulting me while I could here but I don’t know if they knew I could hear them 

and my mind just 

flashed to an image of me attacking with my water bottle and it scared me 

  Hide contents

it was worse than that but I’m taming it down because internet

I don’t know what to do 

I’m stressing over schoolwork and relationships and stuff 

and I’m slipping again 

people can tell 

and that’s really not good 

I try to avoid that but right now… 

I don’t know what to do 

it’s honestly funny to me that I can hide what I’m feeling from my close friends and family better than I can hide it from less good friends. 

(Not including gf in this because she knew because A. she could tell, and B. I told her

 

*hug*

Oh gosh

I'm sorry, Why . . .

1 hour ago, Mag said:

no cause I'm lowkey having an anxiety attack

but I can't get out of class because there's a participation based lab today

sjfa;klsdfj;alskdjfaklsdjflsdfjl

I'll just cry during biology I guess

*SQUEEZE*

[Mags she/they]

Thanks for the hugs everybody

I'm feeling less awful but

Some people from the nearby university came to the class to direct our lab, because it's a bit more complicated. So it's this professor guy and an assistant, and they helped us to the lab.

BUT THE ASSISTANT was like gENUINELY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN?? She was wearing a waistcoat, slacks and a white tie under her lab coat? And she had the most beautiful auburn curls I have ever seen???? She was gorgeous?? And her voice was so soothing??

Her aura was so incredible that it shocked me out of my morning existential crisis. Like, life still sucks but HOLY CRAP I CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO BE THAT CLASSY AND THAT BEAUTIFUL ALKSJDF:LKJSD:LKFJS:LDKFJ

I'm actually so speechless I'm never gonna forget her.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

11 minutes ago, Mag said:

Thanks for the hugs everybody

I'm feeling less awful but

Some people from the nearby university came to the class to direct our lab, because it's a bit more complicated. So it's this professor guy and an assistant, and they helped us to the lab.

BUT THE ASSISTANT was like gENUINELY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN?? She was wearing a waistcoat, slacks and a white tie under her lab coat? And she had the most beautiful auburn curls I have ever seen???? She was gorgeous?? And her voice was so soothing??

Her aura was so incredible that it shocked me out of my morning existential crisis. Like, life still sucks but HOLY CRAP I CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO BE THAT CLASSY AND THAT BEAUTIFUL ALKSJDF:LKJSD:LKFJS:LDKFJ

I'm actually so speechless I'm never gonna forget her.

. . .

Okay

That took a turn I wasn't expecting!

*hug*

Yay!

[Mags she/they]

5 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

. . .

Okay

That took a turn I wasn't expecting!

*hug*

Yay!

yeah lol

what a rollercoaster of a morning

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 minute ago, Mag said:

yeah lol

what a rollercoaster of a morning

Seems like it

*squeeeeeze*

Glad you're doing a bit better, though

[Mags she/they]

1 hour ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Seems like it

*squeeeeeze*

Glad you're doing a bit better, though

Yeh, sheer awe has suspended my anxiety lol

and now I feel a bit calmer

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

11 minutes ago, Mag said:

Yeh, sheer awe has suspended my anxiety lol

and now I feel a bit calmer

Good

*squish*

. . .

*puts in fishbowl*

You've been squished into a human puddle

you are my pet flesh-fish, now

[Mags she/they]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

Good

*squish*

. . .

*puts in fishbowl*

You've been squished into a human puddle

you are my pet flesh-fish, now

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

I love being a fish ehehehe

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

Just now, Mag said:

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

I love being a fish ehehehe

ehehehehe good

*sprinkles fish food*

[Mags she/they]

3 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

ehehehehe good

*sprinkles fish food*

om nom nom

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

1 hour ago, Mag said:

om nom nom

ehehe

mmmmm

scone?

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

22 hours ago, echo74 said:

hey guys.

(cw - suicide, death, grief)

  Reveal hidden contents

this morning i found out from a friend that a girl at school committed suicide yesterday

about an hour ago the school sent out an email announcing her death

i've been sitting here for about the past half hour grieving her

i didn't know her

i'm still sad, though

i'm sad for her friends

i'm sad for her family

i'm sad for everyone who gets affected because of it

i'm sad that she didn't think she could reach out for help

i'm sad that she thought she had to die

i'm sad that she died

suicide's a topic that's always been really close to my heart, especially because i was so close to doing it myself a few years ago at fsy

i wasn't the one who stopped me -- someone else did

someone else walked in and invited me to play a game of mash

i agreed, because i was ashamed

i didn't want her to know

i never told her that she literally saved my life that day

if she hadn't been there, i might be exactly like this girl

i might be dead

and a strange might be grieving my death

grieving it as if it was her own

please

never ever ever kill yourself

it's not worth it

trust me

 

*huuuuuug*

*huge hugs*

13 hours ago, Hawks said:

Mmm is 12:36 and I cannot sleep

  Reveal hidden contents

Dyall ever look at your life and see that your reverting to old ways? Now normally that'd be fine but your scared of how you used to be and don't want to go back. So in an attempt to break it you drowned out life in music. But that doesn't help. 

It's like a constant record playing in your head

Every mistake

Every moment

Just going at once. And no matter how loud you blare your music. No matter how much you write in a journal. It doesn't work. 

Everyone says it'll help but you try

And try

And try

But nothing. 

But you can't say that

Its mean

We can't be mean

We are supposed to be that nice Lil girl who is the best smart girl. 

But instead your what you said you'd never be. 

You look at your little self and say sorry

Sorry for killing you. Sorry for ruining us. Sorry. For. Everything. I wish I could protect her. The little girl who just wanted to play heros with her friends. Bayblade battles on the swing. Seeing who could run fastest. Helping friends. Being able to walk to friends houses. It's gone now. So is your innocence. That's what we call it now, the move that changed everything. 

Now your me. And that's bad. 

But again we can't be bad. Because everyone expects us to be good. Regardless of how much we want to. Your gonna go through your day wanting to say this or do that. But can't because even your best friends will say "thats not normal for you" 

Sometimes i ridicule past me. But that's because I miss them. Even when I hate them. Because they might not have been happy at home. But. They had a different life that I long for now. 

So I listen to my music. Trying to stop old habits. Trying to stop the brain. Until smart shuffle brings up a few old songs. The ones you cried to. But now. You cry for another reason. I mourn you. Why does it always go back to the past. 

Whats the way to get my brain to shut up! These thoughts scare me! Because when they get to big, I imagine it. Tsking my mom's gun. Then bang. End it. But it stops before then because I have to stay alive I have to be strong for someone else. Like citizen soldier says. I imagine people alone with my ghost. Then I realize the only reason I'm here js others. Had sprout not have befriended me id have pulled the trigger years ago. 

And you can't mention that to anyone because nope. Your the happy one. Always have been. But internally you were dying the whole time. You would scream yourself to death at night and in the morning you'd smile and walk out to more yelling from other sources. 

Yelling, crying, pass out. Wake up and smile

 Every day

All day

No break. Becahse the second you break there gonna yell at you. And yelling is bad. 

Am I talking to me, you, or past me? I don't know anymore. I can't deal with this! I don't know why! I should be happy! What's there to be sad about?

I don't even know amymore. Other then I gotta stay alive. That's all

 Stay alive. Ok? Stay alive for little me, my friends, my family. 

Sorry if that was hard to follow. I just, *sigh* brain barf? I dunno.

Now it's 12:53

*hugs*

Get good sleep.

Or else.

13 hours ago, Hawks said:

*sobs in hating life*

I know

I hate everything rn

TIME STOP PLEASE

IM HAVING A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS!

*sobs again in why djd i post that long rant*

DONT HATE LIFE

RANTS ARE GOOD

AND SO ARE YOU!

SEE

OPTIMISM!

5 hours ago, WhyEverNot_8 said:

I’m terrified of this happening to someone I care about 

  Reveal hidden contents

A friend has attempted it, but I think she’s doing better now

  Reveal hidden contents

my girlfriend has attempted it multiple times 

and I’m scared of losing them

In English we have a non-fiction book club and I picked a more tame book 

main reason is that I’ve wanted to read it for a long time 

the other is that many of the other books are more serious 

and one of them 

I didn’t even try to read 

I read the back panel and it just 

it’s about a girl committing suicide and

I

can’t read that

a part of me didn’t even want to read your post

but I did it anyways because I care too much about the random online people on this forum to listen to that segment of my consciousness 

 

on another note… 

(cw: violence) 

  Reveal hidden contents

I’m scared 

of myself 

of others 

of the world 

just now was the second time in two weeks when I’ve had someone hit my backpack or instrument case while they’re on my back. 

on Monday, two of my friends were talking crap about me and insulting me while I could here but I don’t know if they knew I could hear them 

and my mind just 

flashed to an image of me attacking with my water bottle and it scared me 

  Reveal hidden contents

it was worse than that but I’m taming it down because internet

I don’t know what to do 

I’m stressing over schoolwork and relationships and stuff 

and I’m slipping again 

people can tell 

and that’s really not good 

I try to avoid that but right now… 

I don’t know what to do 

it’s honestly funny to me that I can hide what I’m feeling from my close friends and family better than I can hide it from less good friends. 

(Not including gf in this because she knew because A. she could tell, and B. I told her

 

*hugseses*

5 hours ago, Mag said:

no cause I'm lowkey having an anxiety attack

but I can't get out of class because there's a participation based lab today

sjfa;klsdfj;alskdjfaklsdjflsdfjl

I'll just cry during biology I guess

3 hours ago, Mag said:

Thanks for the hugs everybody

I'm feeling less awful but

Some people from the nearby university came to the class to direct our lab, because it's a bit more complicated. So it's this professor guy and an assistant, and they helped us to the lab.

BUT THE ASSISTANT was like gENUINELY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN?? She was wearing a waistcoat, slacks and a white tie under her lab coat? And she had the most beautiful auburn curls I have ever seen???? She was gorgeous?? And her voice was so soothing??

Her aura was so incredible that it shocked me out of my morning existential crisis. Like, life still sucks but HOLY CRAP I CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO BE THAT CLASSY AND THAT BEAUTIFUL ALKSJDF:LKJSD:LKFJS:LDKFJ

I'm actually so speechless I'm never gonna forget her.

…

well

glad ur better

*hug*
 

 

 

 

HUGS FOR ALL!!!!

[Keke They/he]

2 minutes ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

hugs*

Get good sleep.

Or else.

13 hours ago, Hawks said:

*sobs in hating life*

I know

I hate everything rn

TIME STOP PLEASE

IM HAVING A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS!

*sobs again in why djd i post that long rant*

DONT HATE LIFE

RANTS ARE GOOD

AND SO ARE YOU!

SEE

OPTIMISM!

*laughs in got to sleep at 2 o'clock and woke up at 6 o'clock*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

7 minutes ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

*huuuuuug*

*huge hugs*

*hugs*

Get good sleep.

Or else.

DONT HATE LIFE

RANTS ARE GOOD

AND SO ARE YOU!

SEE

OPTIMISM!

*hugseses*

…

well

glad ur better

*hug*
 

 

 

 

HUGS FOR ALL!!!!

*hugs*

4 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*laughs in got to sleep at 2 o'clock and woke up at 6 o'clock*

*hits with sleepy stick*

[Through the Living Wrath he/him]

5 minutes ago, Hawks said:

*laughs in got to sleep at 2 o'clock and woke up at 6 o'clock*

HEY I DO THAT SOMETIMES