Shivertongue Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 This is just a handy little reminder to all of our members and staff, from your all-powerful friendly Adminlords. I've been seeing, lately, some misconceptions about the forums, and I felt the need to address them directly, instead of individually on a case-by-case basis as I have been. Starting off... 1) We do not spike new members. We love getting new members, and love that everyone is so welcoming to those who have decided to register and join the conversation out of love for the work of Brandon Sanderson. However, many new members are greeted with warnings of spikings, and that is just not right. New members do not have the power required to fill a Hemalurgic spike with any kind of charge worth using. It'd be like spiking a fish, honestly, or a gummy bear. The members who have been around longer are the ones we sacrifice for our ever-growing lust for power desire to make this an awesome community, but in all honesty we take the spambots first. When we run out of spambots, what determines who gets spiked is Reputation, which brings me to... 2) Rep does not bestow powers upon you. I'm sorry to inform you, but Reputation does not grant you access to greater powers. Rep, in all honesty, is our way of knowing which members are getting ripe for spiking, for when we run out of spambots contributing to discussion and helping to foster a friendly atmosphere. High Reputation do not give you access to Surgebinding, Soulcasting, Awakening, The Dor, Shadesmar, Shardblades and/or Plate, Allomancy, Feruchemy, or Hemalurgy. Which brings me to my next point... 3) Only Admins have access to the secrets of Hemalurgy. Please, please, PLEASE do not begin experimenting with Hemalurgy, even if you think you know what you're doing, because you don't. You're going to end up with a lot of screaming test subjects and useless spikes. Hemalurgy is very messy and very dangerous, not to mention very expensive. There is a reason Eerongal is the only Global Moderator; Global Mods are very difficult to make, and very expensive, and, as he can tell you, it's a long and painful process. He still has trouble finding shirts that come with premade holes for his spikes, and it takes a long, long time to learn how to decipher sight through thousands of blue lines. He puts in a lot of work for 17th Shard, as do all of the staff, each of whom has suffered a degree of stabbing for the cause. Hemalurgy is no joke, and trust me, I know, because... 4) I'm funnier than most of you are willing to admit. Seriously. I post hilarious things in here frequently, and it seems as though nobody notices. I've been taking it to mean that everyone is too busy laughing, tears streaming from their eyes at my rapier wit and clever wordplay that they cannot see the keyboard, and the lack of responses is because you're worried about latent heart conditions from reading my posts too often. Trust me when I say that I understand, and I can sympathize, but... well, a guy likes to know he's appreciated, you know? 5) There is no number 5 **Admins, use your secret admin powers to see the hidden message here, and don't tell anyone what it is!** Move along, nothing to see here. The last one isn't a misconception, but an observation that... 6) You guys are awesome. Seriously. You are. You have made this place better than I imagined it would be when we started this endeavor. You all have definitely made it worth the time, money, lives, monkeys, waffles, and sharpened bits of metal we have sacrificed to create this community. I see new awesome people every day, entertaining and well-thought out theories and posts, and overall a great sense of fun every time I log in. It brings a tear to my eye... or would, if I hadn't put spikes through them. That is all, loyal minions forum-monkeys. I hope I've cleared up a few things for you. You wonderful people have made this even better than we imagined it could be. Keep making it awesome. Now bring me some waffles. ~Shivertongue~ Shard of Confusion, Wit of Ages, and Supreme Graphics Monkey. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eerongal Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 2) Rep does not bestow powers upon you. I'm sorry to inform you, but Reputation does not grant you access to greater powers. Rep, in all honesty, is our way of knowing which members are getting ripe for spiking, for when we run out of spambots contributing to discussion and helping to foster a friendly atmosphere. High Reputation do not give you access to Surgebinding, Soulcasting, Awakening, The Dor, Shadesmar, Shardblades and/or Plate, Allomancy, Feruchemy, or Hemalurgy. Which brings me to my next point... But doesn't it possibly bestow a lesser form of bragomancy at some point? 3) Only Admins have access to the secrets of Hemalurgy. Please, please, PLEASE do not begin experimenting with Hemalurgy, even if you think you know what you're doing, because you don't. You're going to end up with a lot of screaming test subjects and useless spikes. Hemalurgy is very messy and very dangerous, not to mention very expensive. There is a reason Eerongal is the only Global Moderator; Global Mods are very difficult to make, and very expensive, and, as he can tell you, it's a long and painful process. He still has trouble finding shirts that come with premade holes for his spikes, and it takes a long, long time to learn how to decipher sight through thousands of blue lines. He puts in a lot of work for 17th Shard, as do all of the staff, each of whom has suffered a degree of stabbing for the cause. Hemalurgy is no joke, and trust me, I know, because... You have no idea how hard it is to read a computer screen when you have spikes for eyes also, the site's blue color scheme doesn't help at all D: All in all, i approve of this topic. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shivertongue Posted March 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 But doesn't it possibly bestow a lesser form of bragomancy at some point? Yes, except that using Bragomancy uses up Rep. All that painstakingly gained Reputation would vanish with one Bragomantic pulse, letting everyone know how awesome you are, and then they would have to start over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe ST Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 What do you do with the spambots? bleed them out until the spurt some cosmic fact? Let me pick holes in your press-release: If you so adamantly claim that you do not use the new members, where have 90% of them gone Why are spambots more potent than the new members, who would at least give you some human traits to steal ITS A CONSPIRACY I TELL YEEEEE And I am safe, for I am an the admin with all the Brass spikes not that they do any good; Somehow my memory is so bad it corrupts metal minds XD 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lance Alvein Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Let me pick holes in your press-release: If you so adamantly claim that you do not use the new members, where have 90% of them gone Why are spambots more potent than the new members, who would at least give you some human traits to steal Bah - the members are all in hiding. Only those few who are willing will dare to pop their heads out as fake bait for the admins to chase after when necessary! The rest of the members just hide in their caves, waiting for the perfect moment to strike... And everyone knows that while spambots aren't necessarily more potent, it's just that nobody notices when they go missing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satsuoni Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 (edited) 4) I'm funnier than most of you are willing to admit. Seriously. I post hilarious things in here frequently, and it seems as though nobody notices. I've been taking it to mean that everyone is too busy laughing, tears streaming from their eyes at my rapier wit and clever wordplay that they cannot see the keyboard, and the lack of responses is because you're worried about latent heart conditions from reading my posts too often. Trust me when I say that I understand, and I can sympathize, but... well, a guy likes to know he's appreciated, you know? I dare you show me one of your posts that is funny, much less hilarious Keeping in my that mind sense of humor is in its infancy Edited March 21, 2012 by Satsuoni 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyssie95 Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 I dare you show me one of your posts that is funny, much less hilarious Keeping in my that mind sense of humor is in its infancy this thread comes to mind 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satsuoni Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 this thread comes to mind That seems to be a valid, confirmed theory. Where is the humor part? I mean, seriously. I don't see its significance, but that does neither invalidate it nor make it particularly funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shivertongue Posted March 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 What do you do with the spambots? bleed them out until the spurt some cosmic fact? Let me pick holes in your press-release: If you so adamantly claim that you do not use the new members, where have 90% of them gone Why are spambots more potent than the new members, who would at least give you some human traits to steal ITS A CONSPIRACY I TELL YEEEEE Spambots are everywhere. They are like the hydra - cut off one head, and two more will take it's place. We can spike them over and over and over again, and they will never die. And you would be surprised by how many humans are behind spam"bots". Or, at least were at one point. And I am safe, for I am an the admin with all the Brass spikes not that they do any good; Somehow my memory is so bad it corrupts metal minds XD See, your problem here is that we never gave you Feruchemical copper, only bronze. Have you been trying to store memories within Bronzeminds? As a wiki admin, we don't need you to remember things; we need you to stay awake excruciatingly long hours. Tsk tsk, know your spikes. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe ST Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 As a wiki admin, we don't need you to remember things; we need you to stay awake excruciatingly long hours. damnation YOU TO RUIN!!! *falls asleep for storing too much* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shivertongue Posted March 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 damnation YOU TO RUIN!!! *falls asleep for storing too much* Pfft. Ruin's nothin'. I'm an Admin. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyRioter Posted March 22, 2012 Report Share Posted March 22, 2012 Ruin is such an amateur. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironeyes Posted March 22, 2012 Report Share Posted March 22, 2012 Hark who's talking about spikes. *gestures at the signature* But point 4 is absolutely correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shivertongue Posted March 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 Hark who's talking about spikes. *gestures at the signature* But point 4 is absolutely correct. Finally SOMEONE acknowledges item #4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satsuoni Posted March 23, 2012 Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 (edited) The cake is truth, but point 4 is a lie A logical paradox, too, since by admitting that it is true we give give you your due credit, thus invalidating the point anyways. Edited March 23, 2012 by Satsuoni Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelek Posted March 23, 2012 Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 Aaand noone is curious about #5? Is it just a fight club reference? or some Cosmere shattering fact that we don't need to know? Ahhh Spikes!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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