Insanity Clinic: Season Two

[Edema Rue she/her]

Rue's Room

Once in her room, Rue closed the door softly. Then she turned. Her room. It was her room. Her bed, her nightstand, her closet and her little trinkets. She belonged at the clinic, didn't she? It was her home, the closest thing she'd found to one in a long, long time. Since before the tower. Since before...before...Rue sat down on her bed. Then she lay down. A moment later, she was in the world of dreams. She was still in her room, to an extent, but not...not completely. For a moment, Rue looked as she always did; serene, ageless face, red dress, dark hair...then she closed her eyes, and she was a child in a patchwork dress of every color under the sun, and then some. A moment later, a woman appeared in front of her, and Rue opened her eyes and smiled. "Grandma." 

"Rue, my dear," the woman said. "What's wrong, child?"

Rue took a long breath. "I don't know."

The woman came forward and pulled Rue into a tight hug. "Well, I won't know either until you tell me, but you can take as long as you need."

Rue felt a tear roll down her cheek, and then another and another. For once, she didn't hold them in. She let herself feel. And it hurt. "How do you trust them?" She whispered. "How can you trust anyone?"

The woman looked up to the ceiling, which melted away into a vibrant pink sky. "Do you understand what trust is?"

"Of course. It's knowing that someone won't hurt you when given the chance."

The woman shook her head. "No, my dear. It's believing, not knowing. Never knowing."

Rue looked at her, her young eyes wide and afraid. "I can't believe that about anyone."

The woman smiled sadly. "No. No, I suppose you can't. You've always lived in a world that you couldn't trust."

"But you lived in the same world! You were...you were hurt too. He did this to you, grandma. How can you still believe in trust?"

"He did," the woman acknowledged. "But I choose to remember the good things. I choose to remember the moments before he hurt us all. I choose to trust, even when it hurts."

"So you're telling me I just need to be strong enough to deal with the pain," Rue snapped.

"No, I'm not," the woman said patiently. "I'm just saying that it'll be less lonely."

Rue looked away. "Isn't it easier to be a little alone now than to care about someone until they break, until they break you?"

The woman smiled sadly. "You've done both. What do you think?"

"I don't know. I want to trust someone who's still alive. I...I don't want to be paranoid forever. But I..." Rue trailed off.

"Yes?"

Rue laughed bitterly. "I'm scared. All these years, and I'm still the same scared little girl I always was."

"It's okay to be afraid."

"But it's ripping me apart. And I'm using it as a weapon, turning my terror to anger and making sure I hurt them before they hurt me because if I don't...because they will hurt me, they always do, and I won't...I can't...I can't do it. One more betrayal and I'll...I'll snap. I'll become the monster I thought I was protecting people from."

"And what if you already are that monster?" Rue looked at her sharply. "I'm only saying your thoughts, my dear. And now...my time is running out for today. I wish I could stay. I'll be here tomorrow..." the woman was fading. "and every day, forever. As long as it takes you." And then she was gone, and Rue was alone. Rue took a breath, then another, and somehow she was soon gasping for breath as tears fell. 

Finally, she dried them and stood up, changing from the child to herself in an instant. Cold. Hard. Uncaring. And a little bit broken. 

In the clinic, Rue sat up. She looked around. I need to leave.

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

9 minutes ago, Ookla the Believer said:

Rue's Room

Once in her room, Rue closed the door softly. Then she turned. Her room. It was her room. Her bed, her nightstand, her closet and her little trinkets. She belonged at the clinic, didn't she? It was her home, the closest thing she'd found to one in a long, long time. Since before the tower. Since before...before...Rue sat down on her bed. Then she lay down. A moment later, she was in the world of dreams. She was still in her room, to an extent, but not...not completely. For a moment, Rue looked as she always did; serene, ageless face, red dress, dark hair...then she closed her eyes, and she was a child in a patchwork dress of every color under the sun, and then some. A moment later, a woman appeared in front of her, and Rue opened her eyes and smiled. "Grandma." 

"Rue, my dear," the woman said. "What's wrong, child?"

Rue took a long breath. "I don't know."

The woman came forward and pulled Rue into a tight hug. "Well, I won't know either until you tell me, but you can take as long as you need."

Rue felt a tear roll down her cheek, and then another and another. For once, she didn't hold them in. She let herself feel. And it hurt. "How do you trust them?" She whispered. "How can you trust anyone?"

The woman looked up to the ceiling, which melted away into a vibrant pink sky. "Do you understand what trust is?"

"Of course. It's knowing that someone won't hurt you when given the chance."

The woman shook her head. "No, my dear. It's believing, not knowing. Never knowing."

Rue looked at her, her young eyes wide and afraid. "I can't believe that about anyone."

The woman smiled sadly. "No. No, I suppose you can't. You've always lived in a world that you couldn't trust."

"But you lived in the same world! You were...you were hurt too. He did this to you, grandma. How can you still believe in trust?"

"He did," the woman acknowledged. "But I choose to remember the good things. I choose to remember the moments before he hurt us all. I choose to trust, even when it hurts."

"So you're telling me I just need to be strong enough to deal with the pain," Rue snapped.

"No, I'm not," the woman said patiently. "I'm just saying that it'll be less lonely."

Rue looked away. "Isn't it easier to be a little alone now than to care about someone until they break, until they break you?"

The woman smiled sadly. "You've done both. What do you think?"

"I don't know. I want to trust someone who's still alive. I...I don't want to be paranoid forever. But I..." Rue trailed off.

"Yes?"

Rue laughed bitterly. "I'm scared. All these years, and I'm still the same scared little girl I always was."

"It's okay to be afraid."

"But it's ripping me apart. And I'm using it as a weapon, turning my terror to anger and making sure I hurt them before they hurt me because if I don't...because they will hurt me, they always do, and I won't...I can't...I can't do it. One more betrayal and I'll...I'll snap. I'll become the monster I thought I was protecting people from."

"And what if you already are that monster?" Rue looked at her sharply. "I'm only saying your thoughts, my dear. And now...my time is running out for today. I wish I could stay. I'll be here tomorrow..." the woman was fading. "and every day, forever. As long as it takes you." And then she was gone, and Rue was alone. Rue took a breath, then another, and somehow she was soon gasping for breath as tears fell. 

Finally, she dried them and stood up, changing from the child to herself in an instant. Cold. Hard. Uncaring. And a little bit broken. 

In the clinic, Rue sat up. She looked around. I need to leave.

TAAron moved away from Luna, exhausted, and began wandering the hallways. He didn't want to be still, didn't want to think. The ordeal in the underworld has left him rattled, and it wasn't necessarily over yet. He felt like he was dangling over a precipice, held only by a strand. He didn't know what awaited him in the fall, but he dreaded it.

Eventually, his wandering came to a halt at a certain door. Rue's room. How had he ended up back here? A strange coincidence, but not an unwelcome one. Hopefully she'd have calmed down by now. He could use a friend to talk to, or at the very least interact with. TAAron knocked.

[Aeoryi she/her]

Melody left. Retreated to her room, the place she had been the least. Maybe it was because she was simply a nomad.

Now that she thought about it, the more she did, she realized that she never did really have a home. 

And she had never wanted one.

It was strange in hindsight. Why didn't she want a place to stay, a place to live?

Because I don't deserve to live.

Did she really?

The more she thought, the more she realized how much of her actions were dictated by the fact that time would mend her bones if she fell or repair her heart if she died. The fact that she didn't have to worry about living, and instead worried about other people living instead.

Maybe she thought she didn't need to live, other people did instead. She had been reaching for death, or as close as she could get ever since she became Melody.

Ever since I became Melody.

That left the cold hard truth lying in her heart. She wasn't Melody. She never could be. She never could improve, no matter how hard she tried. She tried to help others, but it never worked.

Maybe that's just a sign of how much of a failure I am.

A failure why? Because she had failed the people? What did they even mean to her? Why did she even care?

I have to give back. I have to.

Give back what? What had she taken?

Their happiness. Their lives. Their joy, and sense of security. Their fearlessness and innocence. Their inner conflicts.

She couldn't stop herself from remembering. 

Why do I not want to remember?

Because she hated herself, even if she tried to externalize her own identity.

"You know, I used to think something." A voice said originating from outside the window. Upon farther investigation, she realized it was herself. Not Awaken, herself. The skies were brilliantly clear, showing all of the Ethercosm behind them. 

Melody allowed her other self to continue talking. "I used to think I was above conflicts, and that the best way to win them was just to avoid them altogether."

That means nothing to me now. I'm too wrapped up in others' conflicts in order to avoid my own.

"I used to worry, to grieve about the day I would finally have to encounter one." The words echoed into the unresponsive night. "I worried about being worried."

Melody nodded. She too worried about that, but she had other things to help suppress it.

"And so I tried to help. I tried everything to save them." Her reflection spoke clearly and without hesitation, but there was a pause to emphasize the thought behind each word.

"I did too." Melody finally whispered, barely audible.

Her reflection smiled. "I know. I decided the same thing too."

A sigh eminated from the other person. "And then I realized that the best way to help others is to remove yourself entirely. Remove your influence and never have to worry again! It was perfect!"

"And then what?" Melody asked quietly, as if she was scared to disturb the stars in the distance.

"It worked. It worked perfectly." The other Melody gave a twisted smile. "It worked perfectly. And you know it will too. You're just afraid of it."

"I am not." Melody responded. 

"You are. Deep inside, you truly are. You know that the only way to become a better person is to remove yourself altogether. Sometimes, the infection can only be defeated by removing the skin. Admit it! You are the skin and the infection. It is your responsibility to remove yourself. Admit it."

"No." Melody said, but internally wondered if it was actually true. She didn't want to know.

She wasn't wrong. I am afraid. Because it's true.

She wanted to cry, but held it together.

The reflection refused to relent. "It is your duty. Accept it with honor."

"No I won't. Because it isn't the right thing to do." Melody said with a quivering voice.

"Very well. I don't think I have to tell you again. You know the right choice, and you know how to execute it. I will leave it up to you to accept your fate." The reflection smiled, then shimmered a bit, clearly fading. "Do what is the best for others. You know you will."

"I won't! I won't accept it, because it is wrong!" Melody exclaimed, letting her voice pierce the night skies. She continued, "I will never!"

But she realized the reflection of herself was gone.

It's all a lie, everything it said. It isn't me. It can't be me, she thought, I hope.

Perhaps the reason why the tears never came was because on the inside, she knew it was all true.

Quote

Did I make a good wall post?

 

Edited November 28, 2023 by Ookla the Resolute

[Canada Lover]

Luna sat down. Everything was very confusing. This wasn't her body? It felt like hers.

[Through the Living Hope]

Hallway

Aventine sat in the hallway with Jar Man and Ash. Her face was red and her breathing was still unsteady, but she was a lot calmer now.

@InfiniteInsanity @Ookla of Ravens

[Ookla de los Cuervos he/him]

1 minute ago, Ookla of Hope said:

Hallway

Aventine sat in the hallway with Jar Man and Ash. Her face was red and her breathing was still unsteady, but she was a lot calmer now.

@InfiniteInsanity @Ookla of Ravens

jar man was calmly reading a book on the medical uses of Heroin.

[Through the Living Hope]

@InfiniteInsanity

Quote

If you want more context on why she's emotional, at the bottom of page 211 I have a couple posts, start with the one where it's labelled in her room

 

[Edema Rue she/her]

9 hours ago, Ookla the Abstract said:

TAAron moved away from Luna, exhausted, and began wandering the hallways. He didn't want to be still, didn't want to think. The ordeal in the underworld has left him rattled, and it wasn't necessarily over yet. He felt like he was dangling over a precipice, held only by a strand. He didn't know what awaited him in the fall, but he dreaded it.

Eventually, his wandering came to a halt at a certain door. Rue's room. How had he ended up back here? A strange coincidence, but not an unwelcome one. Hopefully she'd have calmed down by now. He could use a friend to talk to, or at the very least interact with. TAAron knocked.

Rue glanced at the door. Light. Light. Oh, light. Why did I bother to save him? Why…blood and ashes, I need to get out of here. I’ll leave soon. Soon. Rue opened the door. “TAAron.”

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

1 hour ago, Ookla of Hope said:

Hallway

Aventine sat in the hallway with Jar Man and Ash. Her face was red and her breathing was still unsteady, but she was a lot calmer now.

@InfiniteInsanity @Ookla of Ravens

Hallway

Ash squatted down in front of the girl. 

"Hello. What's your name?"

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

1 minute ago, Ookla the Believer said:

Rue glanced at the door. Light. Light. Oh, light. Why did I bother to save him? Why…blood and ashes, I need to get out of here. I’ll leave soon. Soon. Rue opened the door. “TAAron.”

"Hello, Rue..." he said softly. "How are you doing?"

[Argenti he/him]

Arget is roasting what apears to be a dragon skull.

[Edema Rue she/her]

4 minutes ago, Ookla the Abstract said:

"Hello, Rue..." he said softly. "How are you doing?"

“Probably no worse than you. How’s recovering?”

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

Just now, Ookla the Believer said:

“Probably no worse than you. How’s recovering?”

"I'm... I don't know. It's a lot, I guess."

[Edema Rue she/her]

1 minute ago, Ookla the Abstract said:

"I'm... I don't know. It's a lot, I guess."

“It certainly is. I suppose that means death doesn’t get easier with practice?” Rue’s face was still perfectly serene, but her eyes were…glittering?

[Through the Living Hope]

28 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

Hallway

Ash squatted down in front of the girl. 

"Hello. What's your name?"

"A-Aventine."

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

12 minutes ago, Ookla the Believer said:

“It certainly is. I suppose that means death doesn’t get easier with practice?” Rue’s face was still perfectly serene, but her eyes were…glittering?

TAAron frowned. "You avoided my question. How are you actually feeling?"

[Ookla de los Cuervos he/him]

35 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

Hallway

Ash squatted down in front of the girl. 

"Hello. What's your name?"

"and im jar man, nice to meet you" 

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

3 hours ago, Canada Lover said:

Luna sat down. Everything was very confusing. This wasn't her body? It felt like hers.

Elan walked over, seeing Luna. "Hey," He said. "Luna, right? I'm Elan." He held out his hand for her to shake, but she didn't accept. He put it back in his pocket. This was... distressing. Who was Luna? What had happened to Ezrium? Elan sighed deeply, then slid down next to Luna. "You alright?" He asked. He knew she wasn't. He could feel the confusion radiating off of her. What do I do to help her though? He thought to himself. 

[Edema Rue she/her]

1 hour ago, Ookla the Abstract said:

TAAron frowned. "You avoided my question. How are you actually feeling?"

“Doesn’t matter to you. Besides, you avoided mine, too.”

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

1 minute ago, Ookla the Believer said:

“Doesn’t matter to you. Besides, you avoided mine, too.”

"It does matter to me. And I really don't know how I feel, anyway."

Edited November 28, 2023 by Ookla the Abstract

[Edema Rue she/her]

1 minute ago, Ookla the Abstract said:

"It does matter to me. And I really don't know how I feel, anyway."

“So you’re allowed to not know, but I must always be able to give you a sure answer?”

[The Aspiring Archivist any pronouns]

12 minutes ago, Ookla the Believer said:

“So you’re allowed to not know, but I must always be able to give you a sure answer?”

"No, but I think you have an answer you aren't giving me. But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

@Ookla the Believer

Edited November 28, 2023 by Ookla the Abstract

[Through the Living Hope]

@Ookla the Abstract

Quote

Welcome back btw

 

[Edema Rue she/her]

10 minutes ago, Ookla the Abstract said:

"No, but I think you have an answer you aren't giving me."

“Do I?” Rue shut the door to her room and stepped around him.

[Aeoryi she/her]

Melody finally got up.

It wasn't something she wanted to do, or something she technically had to. 

I don't have to leave. I don't.

She could only think about what happened last night.

"Do the honorable thing..." The voices seemed to say, whispering at her from around every corner.

"No. No. No."

She quickly fled her room, and tried to find her friends.

"They aren't your friends. You've never had friends." She hated those whispers. Because they were true.

"Do the very thing you are afraid of doing. Make everything better."

"I hate you." She spoke out loud, silencing the room.

They were not there ever. 

She was fighting herself.

I need my friends.

She paused, then thought about what the whispers told her.

I still need them anyways.

She got up, and left the room, searching for Ezrium or Elan or someone.

@Ookla of Hope, @Canada Lover, @Ookla the Prehistoric

Edited November 28, 2023 by Ookla the Resolute