People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[Fatebreaker he/him]

You laugh now, but just wait till you're picking apples and a Treequisitor branches you.(it's like spiking, but more organic. and it takes a looong time...)

[traceria she/her]

I think it's already too late for me.

[Lightsworn Panda he/him]

You laugh now, but just wait till you're picking apples and a Treequisitor branches you.(it's like spiking, but more organic. and it takes a looong time...)

 

What kind of inquisitor is next? A Poniquisitor? Or have we already done that? 

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Um, have you seen Voidius's profile pic?

[Voidus]

The Poninquisition has already begun!!

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

The Poninquisition has already begun!!

I was not expecting that.

[Voidus]

Nobody did.

[Lightsworn Panda he/him]

I am sorely tempted to call a Pandinquisition... 

[Voidus]

Only DA approved animal-inquisitor hybrids may form an inquisition. Except of course for catquisitors, they are a power beyond all mortal understanding.

[Quiver he/him]

Treequisitors, you say?

 

Looks like a job for the Hero of Apples

 

 

 

I love her expression. She's just looking at those unsuspecting Treequisitors and working out how many ways she's going to break them.

 

[Left he/him]

Sometimes I think wonder what the catquisiters acutally do. And than I decide that whenever Kurk gets tired of speculating and researching he comes over here and observes the clans so that he may find new targets for spikes. He doesn't make himself known though, much easier to kidnap people if they're not looking for you.

 

[BreathTaker he/him]

*Dramatic music plays, camera fades from black onto BreathTaker in his gleaming black and silver Shardplate with his Black Shardblade resting point first in front of him. *

 

"Hello, my name is BreathTaker. You may know me as the King or Raven's Keep. I am here today to talk to you about the wonderful Dark Alley, or DA." BT chuckles, "Don't be alarmed at the name. These are a group of wonderful scientists who strive to bring you the best Spikes... *cough cough* I.. uh... I mean sweets.... and things." 

 

*pictures of cookies and other confections drift across the screen* 

 

"Yes, here at the Alley, they have everything you could ever want. And they are in NO WAY WHATSOEVER, evil. The DA strives to make the community a happier place." BreathTaker walks through a Dark Alley where there are many shadows lurking, but as he passes they all stand up and wave at him, he waves back with a smile. 

 

"You see, there is nothing evil or menacing about a Dark Alley here in Shardland, they places of joy and totally not spikes. Come, join the Alley, we have cookies."

 

*BT smiles at the camera as the super rapid "I'm totally lying" voice plays*

 

"The Raven Throne is an Affiliate of the Dark Alley, who are actually totes evil. All Murky, Shadowy, slightly dark-ish, possibly-just-painted-black, or dark; alleys, pathways, narrow streets or tiny patches of land between houses are owned and controlled by the Dark Alley LLC. All spikings that occur therein are non refundable and The DA is not liable for any spikings or weight gain due to excessive cookie eating." 

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Ah, it's so beautiful. Well done BT old chap.

 

Where to go next...

 

 

I love her expression. She's just looking at those unsuspecting Treequisitors and working out how many ways she's going to break them.

 

We've prepared for that eventuality. The fruit of treequisitors, if they have any, is laced with iocane powder and tastes of burnt eggplant. 

[mail-mi he/him]

I would like to join the dark alley. 

 

See? I even brought delicious baked goods *secretly hands over sacrificial pile of spikes.* 

 

Also, I did this to Frozen. 'Nuf said. 

Edited September 7, 2014 by mail-mi

[Voidus]

We can always use more spikes delicious baked goods, welcome to the Dark Alley!

[mail-mi he/him]

We can always use more spikes delicious baked goods, welcome to the Dark Alley!

Great! I have plenty of new metals recipes to share!

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Welcome to the Alley. Mind the shadow vipers, they can be, uh, playful with newcomers.

If you're interested, you can be a part of our research team! 

[mail-mi he/him]

Welcome to the Alley. Mind the shadow vipers, they can be, uh, playful with newcomers.

If you're interested, you can be a part of our research team! 

Ooh! What's in it for me? I accept extra Steel and Gold Chocolate chip spikes cookies. And what am I supposed to do? 

[Fatebreaker he/him]

We simply research new recipes and techniques. Size, alloy flavor, placement, species, that sort of thing.

 

Other divisions include sales, marketing, and ???.  

[mail-mi he/him]

I would like to apply for a position as a Dark Alley Placement researcher

[Voidus]

Welcome to the DA research division!
We offer a fantastic package, infinite spikes for your own personal 'baking', virtually unlimited supplies of newcomers to the forum for experiments, and also lots and lots of cookies!

[Fatebreaker he/him]

And there's retirement benefits if you achieve immortality. 

[mail-mi he/him]

Welcome to the DA research division!

We offer a fantastic package, infinite spikes for your own personal 'baking', virtually unlimited supplies of newcomers to the forum for experiments, and also lots and lots of cookies!

Excellent! 

[mail-mi he/him]

I am now officially moving to the Advertising department. Much more fun than research 

[killersquirrel59 he/him]

I've looked at a few of the guilds and after consideration have decided that my place is to walk down the dark alley. I'm quite an accomplished spike murderer baker, and am always eager to learn new bind points recipes. Please accept my application to join your brotherhood of evil villains lurking in alleys waiting to jump out and spike unwary travelers generous guild of bakers looking to spread joy and cookies to all those who pass your way.