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Last Supper

Usseewa

Entry posted by Usseewa in Ramblings

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I feel my days are at a close and the worry grows and sets and cements never to go but to be... resigned to.

my days are at a close but does the worrygrow? im not ready to go.

they will take me fro ntohing because i have goven up everything hiven up on the nothing. im am not ready for trusting.

hours slip by at my horror and i CANONLYWATCH as the death grows nesrer.

 there is nooneleft notevenme because i  cant see what there is i am just waiting in limbo for it all to end hoping oh hoping for a delayedexecution a reprieve butiknowit wont come.

i try not to think of it because it is too much it will happen i cannotstop it from its course so i try not to think instead i let it i let the time go by while still hoping.

i try to calm ishouldtry to calm for the end because that then i will not hurt when i go but i am scared i dont want this i dont wantthisend i wanttostay in the blissivefrayed the ruin of a limbo of time stopped frozen before death in that moment i want to stay forever until i am ready or never

stillihope still i dont want it still i want hope still i want help still i hope someoneoutthereknows

still i wantto not this to go this way but it must i fear it must

still i wish it would allbeokay and still i wishitwerentthisway butitis anditwont

not todaybut tommorow isthe day but tonightmayaswellbe for everything will be gone soon

soonthey willknow soon theywillsee and there will be no further reprieve from my sentence that was destinedallalong from the progression

still i hope ofcourse ihopebutitwillneverendbecauseitalready has

i can only wait and stay and hope itllbeokay hope it wont happen hope ill get tostay and hope there will be no pain

i wish i hadnt done it but now its toolate

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Factor

Factor Misting

Posted

Please. Please stay a while longer. In the end, that's all any of us can do, and I beg you to try. I am going to help you.

Usseewa

Usseewa Savant

Posted

Just now, Factor said:

Please. Please stay a while longer. In the end, that's all any of us can do, and I beg you to try. I am going to help you.

im so worried about tomorow it feels like its already ended and i dont know what will happen and i dont want it to happen and if nothing happens then it will go back to dullness 

i dont even know what my mind is or what i am thinking and it feels unreal

 

it's stupid anyway but i dont want to confront truth

Factor

Factor Misting

Posted

4 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

im so worried about tomorow it feels like its already ended and i dont know what will happen and i dont want it to happen and if nothing happens then it will go back to dullness 

i dont even know what my mind is or what i am thinking and it feels unreal

 

it's stupid anyway but i dont want to confront truth

It's OK. It's going to turn out OK, even if there's some stuff at first. You'll be OK if I need to fly across the country to visit you nobody knows what their mind is and everything matters greatly.

It won't go back to dullness. It won't stay that way. Seriously, YOU WILL BE WARM AGAIN.

Usseewa

Usseewa Savant

Posted

18 minutes ago, Factor said:

It's OK. It's going to turn out OK, even if there's some stuff at first. You'll be OK if I need to fly across the country to visit you nobody knows what their mind is and everything matters greatly.

It won't go back to dullness. It won't stay that way. Seriously, YOU WILL BE WARM AGAIN.

i dont know what to do and i feel like a failure and ive screwed up and i cant talk to anyone about it irl and i just want to ignore it till it fades away but wil it ?

will it be any different this time

Factor

Factor Misting

Posted

Nobody does, yevrp not, you will make it through, it will, ln away. It'll be better, or made better.

Usseewa

Usseewa Savant

Posted (edited)

i try to prepare but i dont know what reality/future to accept and prepare for

 

i dont know what to think and i dont want tomorrow to come because i dont know what will happen.

i dont know what i need. it's too unreal to think about too much

i dont even think im doing anything to help

 

what do i do

Edited by Usseewa
Usseewa

Usseewa Savant

Posted

uhm it went good btw

just want ed to say.

since i was eorrying snd all thst..

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