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Insanity Book

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1995; or, Lead Eyelids


uhmmmdnn

very tried trigjr now...

tried to pres the newline return key thrice brfore thfoirjt time it elrked

ineed slepeo but csnt go to bed uet

my eyes are dropoing like they did earijer toddy i close them and think just one second and rhen so relieving and its hard to open them agsin. i understand. i feeel oke my eyelids srr very vmhesvy snbthey are eightingbon nen sndi and fona fsll ssleepep ammybe.

i know im eritnngincoherenellble but i tried reading the mhrhkd syisotphus an di rdid i resd tlki reo oages ma e just one infodntb nie, no frfindilh tei or tmorr nahbe three?

i keep cosing eues for loike s second snd its a wave

a wave and irs hard omto opennthe eyemids and my fingers slow in the keyboard sbdd dbnsndbb and its hard tot yow and since i thoe nit looking at my lhkne sometimes rhen i dont knei ehat im ssying nsueshbbutbjtnm im vrrh tjred snd vision fsking andbi dk sb i csnt see snhmkrr bsrekhbsndnxsnecoi and unshstter ais plauing i thoihht i teoikdbjekp to to olah mucis loud music to twake me jo but it didnnkt not not rkjr

my fingers and rhe wave keeps xoming wnd my fingers and eeyes driol and my lhone falls a bjri jt mhbshhndnbsdbjbdkntnnle

and i kneow insomt doknow is jar i nenst  m .

so tired so i am have i have not i used to srsy stay ho later but thb jtbrbytnbutbowbrhlsterjbbndyeshcanwe confirm thetheroeisrsndomthoihhtsareweird and pspaxes to

my eyes mh eyes rhey feel burrbbb. spitting promise tslk about it hah. . nsmblirry bluery album xover palm tree shield lazers glass album thst srtist. i am do tired gang blade gang gang hang gang shhfbb. end send endss endssdd rndd dwave

the esbe esbebbb3b44b 

hands dropped droooed dropped droooped droooed snd i had oto oick them jp snd now rhey fall eithout evensropping tonswitch lsngage to do thr titbj thrjrjtjtn5

its a feeling of tiredness a wave definitely snd i receive jt sndbit reels oike a drug in a bad way and in tired and im so tired and its teo different realities bbecause i go between and dont remmeber the other when im in kne i forget ehicfwve dnn

gave up ehi i sm rirneho hou esbtebdmentonrb4bb

i thoed wirhout eealizin mshbe. idk

or not mevsdure

because ..

but i sidnt repair the damages from the others

is a thought fromthe other reakity siirs its sll ther thst thst thst that njmb nhmbbb

hands arms wesker to groe j to carry hikd tonhold thrbbrbbn thing

the thing the swknneñkng the not bexause ibsjbtieed

i close one eye to srsy sesje sometimes i xan feel my srms wesk and burning in the reeocontsminaant ro be more like yiu

but who are you

ho shee hoy..

ice beckme so njmbbi dwnt fe

thigh high suocks are a thing that sre interssitn totbhr brej. si feel i see rhe wordle on the keyboard rhe refular phone kegbksrd, why dont ee have thsr wuesrion ammar

candy weapper was obscuring some letters on kehbsord from kansas or the other one and didnt i mean it did i forget

i shoulda known betterrrrrrb4r 44bbbb 

spider lef just appear to ne it was hairy and had the soike studd wirh the srmoir and rhe othrrrs shdbi dsbebi4br . like a nintendoz the old phones xonsoles ddcixes handheld were like thst and old person sitting on a park bench in winter hilding knr. oomy rails but small and then her...

not Her but the xoronoe and the aolle juice sray tuned the apple bungo stray tueks. grotuund.which dirextion are you thinking of

ehich pleasee tell you just made my muscles rekeax

swhcih directionp

i saw xargo and wood strapped down on a rruck i sse ti sse i ssw is swnschuld

will i ever hav a xhild and raise a xhild iwull i have a family am i a damily 

numberbb njmber two hwars a oenxil skrt

rorbiticis i remember i rember when i lost rhe emotienes msxhiner..,...r.  ,

ceeuspru bacon potatoes and a xhocalote xandy bar were in my cision on the lhkne screen snd i kehldnt not eat it with xarkes a side kf kiei and plastic an eshempoo mistard all ocer the theee djmensional words

mustard. bu tnkt the yellow kind jt was the kther in4 we ith the bi

rwists

twigs

twigs not snap jiugh

mjscles ache now and finges njmb get again

glacing st the time snd i glsñfe st tjofirjt

mstch box and blue cakendar with sun and nineteen eighties and surfing and wood xabin 

nirvana in a n orange shirt

with cutlery od xiurse

dont i know it

neither do i

i think wait soe rhst make sense evfnen everyrhig nis a msirake xaulifloer sndbbixxili sndbefjkdkmdmfñd..nri want to donsoemthing j shouldnt say and ny filter is kiw snd low low is wht i mean to ssy.m...,.

ibijderstoendmmnymb

i xan feel my fingers lil

ejir uo

shhr nnfn you shiukd be kesss like youu kjke dyiudefelf. ife veen rbbrnn

onions and farnlic

itxhy itxh fiinseshdbhh4hb

i wondr if sh ewas haesrtborken but nownnwuirébbo i wonde if sh like the book i made for her

4ñyiu rhink wuerinfmm5

they shoukda madr the humans lean alidn language not rhe kther eah around dont ykj rhjnk jsnr thst si sruoiddddhhd4hrrnr

jaws and teeth but fake like olastic and in the dark and white ir silverr4brnrnrnf

i didnt know so hi w xoukd i asneer

did anyon aks me thet actualh whestio

..5nnññnñnnr

i thiught that was a dferent whsueoer

maybe i wole jo

make mayberb dnmshne i owe you everything

xan i rleas my wrms yes 

more swkae but fingers hadd fonmvod

infeel a buzzing tiredness now and i 

my eyes dont want to close anywmore it seems rhey are foued open but now neevrmind because rhey are slowly slclosing it just fakes time expefially because rey dont want to approach me because if thst thing they said i eont say brcsuse the sku is blue like thst.

i should not hide i should not eorry but i dont know because if i dont then ehu then then do i want them to see sonehonsm i

if fehy knownwhetnrn fehf

flashing loghts like the police csr loghts just spoeared in my vodion and opened me for a second

now i sm back and not normsl i mesn notmsl sd csn be. si am trord

i tfdeld errodngonetotr brvause i knoe inksongnerkgf anutjing sbkjg pockdld

my ryelids feel cool and stockytgaisng my eyeballs

stocksticky

sticky

they ate eirdd they dint eutir fit bevause i dont eant contscts

i dont eant to br in s movie brvsusf rtehyy eont car ehwat makes me want to go to jell instesd thrull ijust nontcarr but omdp they mab rhtheh do

dlringting kegters on december thirty forst

botf pressure of walking in your shoes caught int

flashing light and it was in the cordner dnfñjndint frrktjsn

double cisiona dnnhesd dromrooo

snd dim lighting like backrooms but greener.

do youe evr feel like thst wurstion

fjejrweusjo

thirdt store comvrncisne spple juice

cornona

spld juice ice 

nfn.dons sontirsndd

socrates ice crream hankg ijt fbfn

but was he inspireation ot wa hs h r mocied was hr patenthesis not socrstsrd osfstnrbdkssbdidbrhr

gay

did hér4rrr did h fo srrMm?

i migh thav rrmenbrrd the movie bqck different ly rvcause4bfbfbbtt

bceuss ts the sanr hust fisifidnreg its aleeady here its orobably waghcing ober my shuhkdd4rhn

you need garnlic and s coffin of soof dnfnnknnfhss

ares

you need to be a liat to subrbivefr4bt

vivid

it mus tbbr vivid dreignthat painting for the first tim4 isnt

i wonder if she knew woth the grrrn snd thr kne hundred if she was just

 

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its now ytei thiusand fige

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