Hope!

beautiful!

1 minute ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Hope!

beautiful!

Yes..

I ... unfortunately forgot about this..

Nice to remember I was happy then

wait that sounds depressing

uhh

Nostalgia is a lie. Best to fixate on and savor the good things, and lift each other up. You’ll get through this, I know it.

5 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Nostalgia is a lie. Best to fixate on and savor the good things, and lift each other up. You’ll get through this, I know it.

hehe

also i wonder if im just making myself depressed...

becuase i want to be...

oh and do you think i should keep posting the backlog today? I added a five minute gap between them, but for people not online it'll be like a dozen notifs. Maybe an hour gap? (I can set the time for the blog thing to be published)

edit: oh darn these next poems are kinda embarrassing lol.. (from 2026/03/04)

Oh my god yes i 100% relate to feeling like im fabricating my emotions 

i have like, 2/10 autism and dont ever really feel sad, so i have like an addiction to being sad and will try to make myself feel sorrow or make it linger 

3 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Oh my god yes i 100% relate to feeling like im fabricating my emotions 

i have like, 2/10 autism and dont ever really feel sad, so i have like an addiction to being sad and will try to make myself feel sorrow or make it linger 

hehe

like idk why but i just want to be depressed sometimes. maybe i am depressed those times. or i wanna be depressed all times? kinda hard to know when i'm always depressed haha. but even if im "depressed," i dont necessarily feel it or i want it worse.

then when im not depressed or less so, or not feeling waht i was before, i dont like that cuz I want to be depresded.

EDIT: sometimes i struggle knowing what i think and feel is real and what im "making myself feel" or "making up" cuz iddkkkkkk

im also neurodivergen as well and have been depressed my whole life

I have a hatred inside for the sickening cheerfulness i conjure up only to fill the void of boredom or lethargy, so feeling angry at myself and then feeling sad and cathartic is somehow the most euphoric experience ever

10 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

I have a hatred inside for the sickening cheerfulness i conjure up only to fill the void of boredom or lethargy, so feeling angry at myself and then feeling sad and cathartic is somehow the most euphoric experience ever

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Besides singing sleep token,

 

im perpetually bored and lethargic

joy is sickening

at least, this used to be true? now i might be Happier. at leastrecently

Okay, so it’s less joy, and more… amusement, which sickens me. Settling for something stupid and shallow, scrolling the internet when i have work to do, wasting time for something i dont even really care about. That exposes the worst parts of me. True joy… I can’t say i have experienced that in a long time, but what i would give to again.

thats great to hear!

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Okay, so it’s less joy, and more… amusement, which sickens me. Settling for something stupid and shallow, scrolling the internet when i have work to do, wasting time for something i dont even really care about. That exposes the worst parts of me. True joy… I can’t say i have experienced that in a long time, but what i would give to again.

thats great to hear!

OMG

i waste time on youtube and then hate myself :3

what's joy

nah jk i had some recently, after a while of not