Hi there! It's @Akimikoisthecutest again! It’s time for week 2!

This week we're going to be talking about the things I learned as a boy, and am now discarding as I move on in my life! Coming to terms with being a trans girl isn't just about finding the right clothes or a new name; it’s about deconstructing years of "training" that told me how a person is supposed to exist in the world. For many of us, growing up was like being handed a script for a play we never auditioned for. Now, I’m finally putting that script down.

Number One: Emotional Expression.

Growing up a boy, they teach you that you need to treat your heart like a high-security vault. From the playground to the dinner table, the message is clear: vulnerability is a liability. I was taught that "real men" are stoic, and that the only socially acceptable emotion to show in public is either stoicism or, occasionally, anger. Anything else—sadness, fear, even extreme joy—was seen as a "leak" in the armor.

I’m discarding the idea that tears are a sign of failure. In reality, repressing those feelings didn't make me stronger; it just made me numb. Now, I’m learning that expressing my needs isn't being "needy" and crying isn't "hysteria." It’s human. I’m giving myself permission to feel the full spectrum of my life without checking to see if I’m being "too much."

Number Two: Physical Presence and Movement.

Just watching any kind of media shows young boys that you need to walk like you’re trying to push the earth down with every step and sit like you’re trying to occupy three zip codes at once.

There is a specific way boys are taught to inhabit space. It’s all about angles and dominance. I was taught to keep my shoulders wide, my gait heavy, and to never, ever look small. If you've ever seen "manspreading" on a bus, you’re seeing that socialization in action—the learned belief that your comfort matters more than the space of the person next to you.

I am unlearning the habit of "performing" toughness through my posture. I’m discovering how it feels to move with fluidity rather than rigidity. It’s a strange, beautiful process to realize I don’t have to "hold" myself in a specific, aggressive way just to be safe. I can be soft. I can be graceful. I can take up exactly as much space as I need—no more, no less—and feel perfectly at home in my own skin.

Number Three: Assertion vs. Aggression.

This is a big one. Boyhood socialization often blurs the line between standing up for yourself and steamrolling others. I was taught that if I wanted to be heard, I had to be the loudest person in the room. I was taught that a disagreement was a competition with a winner and a loser. In that world, "assertion" often looked like dominance—interrupting, using a "commanding" tone, or using physical presence to end a debate.

Now, I’m learning the art of true assertiveness. The difference is all about respect. Aggression says, "I matter, and you don't." Assertiveness says, "I matter, and so do you."

Handling this shift is a daily practice. It means learning to use "I" statements—like saying "I feel hurt when this happens" instead of "You are doing this to me." It means realizing that a "win-win" solution is much more valuable than a "win-lose" outcome.

However, being a trans woman adds a layer of difficulty here. Because of how we were raised, some of us might still have those "aggressive" reflexes when we feel threatened. But there is also a double standard: society is often hyper-critical of trans women. If we stand up for ourselves even a little bit, people are quick to label it as "male aggression" to invalidate our womanhood.

Handling that requires a lot of grace and a lot of boundaries. I have to stay calm, keep my voice steady, and be firm in my truth without letting my old "defense mechanisms" take the wheel. I’m learning to be firm without being overbearing. I’m learning that my voice has power even when it isn't raised.

Discarding these lessons is like shedding a heavy winter coat in the middle of spring. It’s scary to let go of the "armor" that kept me safe for so long, but it’s the only way to feel the sun. Thanks for following along on this journey! See you next week!

- @Akimikoisthecutest