My parents are clergy members so I quite literally grew up in a church, wandering between pews and sneaking into bell towers. I’ve never felt anything in particular towards religion, though. Not a pull, but also no anger or resentment. When I found out about other religions as a kid, I was super fascinated. And it just seemed logical to me that Christianity wasn’t “correct.” How can half the world be condemned for not believing or sometimes even knowing about Jesus? And I know there’s a ton of theological answers to that particular train of thought… but it’s just so inconsistent.
Also, by growing up in a church, I saw people reframing their lives through religious lenses in really confusing ways. Like, if someone is sick, we pray for them. If they get better, we thank god. If they die, it was meant to happen. You got a promotion? Thank the Lord, you deserved it! You got hit by a bus? God is testing you? For what? A single mom of 4 is being tested for what exactly? It just wasn’t consistent enough, so I never paid much attention to it in a personal way.
In college, I took a bunch of anthropology/religion courses because ritual and belief fascinate me.
It sounds a little crass but religion and theology occupy the very same part of my brain as fantasy does. If I were to, like, group concepts in my head the two would just completely overlap.
I really like devout people. I’m happy for them! I don’t wish I was like them or anything, but I like it. I love when my parents have the ash on their foreheads on Ash Wednesday. I love lighting candles with my aunt on Shabbat. Boy oh boy do I love seeing a nun or imam on the street. That life is just not for me. Like seafood. Ya know?
Yeah, I’ll light a candle when I visit the Catholic church with one side of my family, and of course I’ll say Hamotzi over the challah. I love ritual, action, movement, belief, humanity. But I could never commit. All the religions are right, and they’re all completely wrong.
I’m not as scientific as many of you. I don’t need an equation to believe in (or not believe in) God. No one does because ultimately religions center around faith and the unseen. Hope, devotion. It’s so deliciously human! An animal could never build a place of worship, would never prostrate themselves to an unseen force that they’ve gaslit themselves into believing in, or deny their own instincts for an abstract concept like repentance or purity.
I don’t believe, but I think belief is beautiful. In the same way I think Dune is cool. And Stormlight. And Harry Potter…
Wait and I guess what I mean to is that I don’t need proof that god exists I recognize that that isn’t the point lf religion. But why would I rearrange my whole life… my lifestyle, the way my brain works, for a single system of belief that is as inconsistent as the others? If praying to a tree or shooting a dart at a dartboard and telling myself “If I get a bullseye, x will happen!” is just as consistent as prayer… I just don’t get the point.