Just-A-Stick

I'm tired, but I can't sleep
I'm hungry, but I don't feel like eating
I'm numb but also sad
I'm depressed.
I can't move.
I can't find my purpose.
I feel like crying
but the tears
won't 
come.

I'm so lonely...
I'm still broken...
I told everyone that I'm fine... That I was over it...
But how do you get over a heartbreak
In 2 weeks...
I'm a good actor...
I don't show it.
I don't show anything.
People think I'm fine,
Because I can't not be.
But I'm thinking...
My mind races...
I can't stop it
I'm just getting pummeled with all these ideas.
None of them are good,
but all sound so wonderful...

I got help
I'm getting help
it's just not working
I feel like I'm beyond
healing and wholeness, happiness
and yet... I'm still breathing
I just don't want to be...

I just want to give up
On my life, my plans
On my dreams...
Nothing is working...
I hate everything
I can't be saved
I just want to hide somewhere
And cry till I fall asleep

I want my friends to hold me
I need someone...
I just can't find anyone
So I'm just here
I'm just hurting
No music, no words can take away
All this pain.
I want it all to go away...
I don't know what will happen...
Tonight, 
Tomorrow... the day after...
I can't promise anything, and
I'm sorry for that.

I'm a grenade, waiting to go off
And when I do, I'll hurt everyone around me.
I'm sorry in advance.
Most of you
Don't know me,
But some of you do.
Please,
Watch out for the shrapnel...
When it comes,
It'll be sharp.
I'm sorry for those of you who get cut.
 

Loving hurts
Breathing hurts
I don't know anything
But this pain.
 

In case...
In case I leave...
In case something happens...
I'll miss you all.
I love you all...
I'm sorry...

But
Who knows what comes in the morning....