Lotus Blossom

i hate mood swings.

i hate crying for no real reason.

i hate screaming and i hate breaking things and slamming my fists onto my desks and feeling all these terrible things that i dont want to feel.

and i hate whispering curses that i would never say and look at my tear-streaked face in my mirror and just feel so terrible- so so terrible that i can't even look at my face anymore and i start clawing at my hair and ripping off my clothes and realizing that there is no real reason to why i'm like this

and i wish i could just stop it all but i cant and i still have this terrible feeling that keeps the tears falling and this urge to scream and tear down the world and watch it burn but i cant and then i ask myself that if i dont even love this monster i've created why would i expect anyone else to

and then i realize it is just a mood swing that i can shake off.

and then i try and i try but no matter what i do i can't shake it off.

so i come to the shard.

don't you hate it when that happens?