Throw TheLiving Silverware

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

what am i even doing

why cant i just do something for once

its like the last minute and i still havent done anything

the more it goes the less i feel able to stand the look of someone else

because i feel if they look at me they will see me for what i am

the guy who keeps letting them down

who says he will do his part and then disappears

never to be heard of until 2h before the deadline

while i just stand here frozen in place

unable to even think about the work

and every mornring i tell myself it will be the day where i finally get myslef together and do something

and the day ends

and im still in the same place

like a fool

why did i ever go there

its been years and its still wrecking me up

and i knew it would happen

and then i thought i would be able to take it

and i wasnt

and now look at me

a wreck who drowns himself in whatever hes got because he cant do stuff that he could perfectly do

i had everything laid out for me and i managed to screw it up

why am i so stupid sometimes