Channelknight Fadran

"Only if you choose to." Ayia pointed at him. "I don't want you to give up, but I definitely don't want you to do what's right only because I told you to."

"I noticed. You sure you're still thinking straight?"

"Is it an aspect of your Perception magic, perhaps?"

"An old friend of mine."

"You... changed." Ayia furrowed her brow. "Does you curse do that?"

"Sure did. You don't remember?"

"Allera, do you have those stones your friend gave us?" @Szeth_Pancakes

How did he know this? What was he seeing? "Élter's gone, Vari. I know he is. And I... I think about him every day. He wanted me to keep living and keep fighting, and he'd want me to make sure you keep trying too."

Even the smile was exactly the same. "Variance..." She whispered. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you."

Blast. "...Variance?"

"And I don't want you to give up and die now when there's more you can give back to the world."

"It doesn't matter," Ayia said, "because you're in less danger if you stay. Because we can help you. And you can help us, and somehow we can maybe stick a thorn in the side of whatever mad wizards are trying to kill us. Hell, did you think you're the only who's killed people? Or the only person who people have died for, even without any reason? That perhaps standing on a pile of bodies is enough to let you join them? "I've killed far more than you if you can remember their faces. I've been the villain in hundreds of people's stories because they believed on thing and I believed another. I've fought to save millions from slavery and oppression by killing the people who'd been pulled into drawing it out. Nothing can redeem me from that anymore. No torture or death agonizing enough can begin to match the suffering I've caused. All I have to show for it is to keep fighting for what I killed them for. I'm fighting for what my mother taught me, I'm fighting for what Élter died to give me, and I'm fighting for anyone else I can save because the worst disgrace I can spit on the souls of people I've ended is to give up now."

"You don't know us. We're not yours to save. I can take care of myself, Allera can take care of herself, and you can take care of yourself."

"If you're not afraid, then why are you trying to hide?"

"Instead accept your goddamn mistakes." Ayia was shaking again. "Accept your goddamn sins and your wounds and your scars. Stop running from what you did, because you'll only die a failure. If you're so afraid of your power, then learn to control it. Stake your life on becoming strong. Stake your life on becoming powerful. Stake it on fighting, stake it on becoming the kind of person you wish you were a million years ago when those people died."

"Then don't try."

"Do you think you can atone for their pain with your death?"

"What about their families? The people they loved? The people that loved them?"

"Do you think they hate you?"

"Tell me everything." Ayia crossed her arms again. "All of it. Details."