Channelknight Fadran

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[12:22 AM; Jan 22, 2023]

Ladies, gents, and genderbents; we call this court into session to discuss the reinclusion of Pluto into the Solar System Family. All rise for the honorable judge.

[Judge enters]

"At ease. Defendant may state their case."

[Defending Attourney]: Your honor, let the record show that there are three qualifying factors to make you a planet:

1. Be round (have enough gravity to squish yourself into a ball - known as Hydrostatic Equilibrium)
2. Orbit the sun (obviously)
3. Achieve influencial domination

That third one is the one that disqualifies Pluto. Influencial domination means that the object in question has assimilated most or all smaller objects on their orbital path - that is to say, that it has conglomerated enough mass to dominate its sphere of influence. Pluto has achieved no such end result.

[Judge]: Very well. May the prosecutor make their case.

[Fadran (Prosecuting)]: Your honor, let the record show that this assumption was derived arbitrarily. While it is an effective claim, it is not based in fact or logic.

[Defending]: Objection!

[Judge]: Defending?

[Defending]: Request for source.

[Judge]: Affirmed.

[Fadran]: The IAU's official term for the third effect is "clearing the neighborhood." There are no official thresholds, values, or proportions to back this claim. It is a simple phrase without any clear meaning. By its definition any amount of debris in any orbit could disqualify any planet, such as a rogue asteroid or even just a speck of dust.

[Judge]: Defending?

[Defending]: Your honor, while this claim is correct, it breaks down upon further investigation. On the other end of its scale, by removing this definition, any significantly-sized, round object orbiting the sun could be defined as a planet.

[Fadran]: Request for source.

[Judge]: Affirmed.

[Defending]: Here is Wikipedia's list of objects in our solar system by size. The majority of these objects exist in an orbit around the sun. There are, approximately, dozens of these objects. Rejecting the definition of "clearing the neighborhood" would qualify most of these as planets.

[Judge]: Prosecuting?

[Fadran]: Your honor, the prosecuting wishes to cross-reference this information with this list of gravitationally-rounded objects.

[Defending]: Your honor, relevancy.

[Judge]: Affirmed.

[Fadran]: Your honor, this list provides clear information as to several very specific bodies to be considered in Hydrostatic Equilibrium. In addition to the eight current planets plus the sun and moons, there are only ten other objects listed to meet this criteria. They are Ceres, Pluto, Haumea, Makemake, Eris, Orcus, Salacia,Quaoar, Gonggong, Sednar.

[Judge]: Let the record show that each of these objects have adorable names.

[Defending]: Regardless, your honor, to remove the qualifier of clearing the neighborhood would be to speak out against the IAU itself in a decision made based on science that we had nothing to do with. It would violate the trust of our greatest minds and innovators. I call to cede this case to them on behalf of the Planet Earth.

[Judge]: Is this your closing argument, defending?

[Defending]: Yes.

[Judge]: Prosecuting, are you prepared to make a closing statement?

[Fadran]: Yes.

[Judge]: Continue.

[Fadran]: Your honor, the jury, and the world: Ohana means family. Ohana means no one is left behind. Pluto was once our own brother in the Solar System, and to cast him aside due to such arbitrary conditions and lackings of traits is to dishonor our names as children of the Sun and as citizens of the Milky Way Galaxy. We disservice our science, we disservice our culture, and we disservice our brother in spacetime.

Let the record show that it is no more than rank distate that disqualifies him as our sibling. It was our human misconduct that pushed aside this deformed ally, friend, and brother. We cast him away to the other belittled and forgotten dwarf planets because we were too blind to see that a brother no matter the shape or size is a brother indeed.

I call to reinstate Pluto as a planet! I call to bring our brother home! And if it means we must recognize a dozen others, them let them come! Let us open our doors, open our arms, and open our hearts to the family we have forgotten and cast aside! Is there not room enough in this Solar System for the all of us? I call to bring them home!

[Defending]: ...

[Judge]: Have you concluded your finishing statement?

[Fadran]: Yes, sir.

[Judge]: The vote is now taken to the jury.