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Pestis the Spider

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Everything posted by Pestis the Spider

  1. Pestis the Spider
    I don't believe in God. And I used to get by using talent, but talent is not going to help me when I skip all the lectures and then am too afraid to leave the house and skip the exams too. And it's wait too late for me to do my best.
  2. Pestis the Spider
    It's 11 pm. I have 10 hours to write 2500 words long essay that I have barely started, I am struggling to make myself work on it, but I have to. I already failed to that once and if I fail again I will waste 4 years of university. I also have exams in a week that I need to retake, and I haven't studied. Instead of doing it I am only dwelling for last 3 days, trying to find every excuse not to do it, because I feel like I should fail. That if I fail everyone will finally see the truth about me, that I am in fact terrible, worthless person that noone needs. I want someone to kill me. I won't do it myself, because I am afraid and I don't think I deserve a break from hurting. I want someone to realise how useless I am, how much they hate me and just get rid of me. I hate myself. God, I hate myself so much. It's been going now for over two years, and despite meds, some counselling, various help, it doesn't seem to get much better. I am just so tired of it all. And the worst part of it is just how alone I am. And also the knowledge, that even I somehow turn my life around now, write my essay, pass my exams, graduate, find wonderful job, I will always be alone. I don't know how to interact with people, and to be honest I dodn't really like it. I am terrified of them. Even interacting with my parents is hard, as I feel they don't understand me, and that I don't understand me. Whenever someone seems to care about me I totally freak out and drive them away, because I just am scared. I like to tell myself that I don't need anyone, that I am fine on my own, but that is a lie. I would like to have a friend. A single one, but I don't know how. I always ultimately drive them away or, if it doesn't work, lock myself away. I am sorry for crying here again. And again. It's not the first time that I complain in this topic. But there really is just noone else, no other place, and sometimes I just can't take it anymore. How do you learn how to live a happy life?
  3. Pestis the Spider
    God, I finally got around to reading Dresden Files. First 3 books were kinda meh, but now I am 8 books in and I am positively addicted to this series. It's absolutely awesome.
  4. Pestis the Spider
    Ability to connect to and browse the internet with my brain. Seriously, the benefits of having instant unstoppable access to all the knowledge ever should be self-explanatory. Also, no boredom ever again.
  5. Pestis the Spider
    Malazan Book of the Fallen is one of the top epic fantasy series ever. It is my personal #1 favourite as well, as it is absolutely massive, filled with great characters and plot lines. It's a real pleasure to read it. And t be honest I find it to be a little like a intricate maze, with so much stuff happening, so much world being described that finally leads to a interesting conclusion That being said, it is definitely much darker and grittier than any of Brandon's books. I know that a lot of ppl here don't really like books like that. Also, I would say it's not a book for young teen readers. Not because of darkness, because I don't believe in age restricting books, but simply because it is really complex, therefore young readers might simply find it boring. But if you are fine with some grittiness and complex books, definitely go for it. It's worth every minute spent on reading.
  6. Pestis the Spider
    This list is awesome! Thanks.
  7. Pestis the Spider
    Town of Salem: The coven has just been released yesterday. I enjoy it a lot.
  8. Pestis the Spider
    You can put me down for biology. I'm willing to help up to the undergraduate degree level. If you need graduate level info, you'll need someone more clever.
  9. Pestis the Spider
    Lately I have been a little out of touch with reading and all my other hobbies. But I just decided to come back, so I just need your help with learning of what actually happened when I was not around. So, could you maybe give me titles of all interesting books that were released (or release date announced) since January 2016? I do prefer fantasy/sci-fi, but I read everything. And yes, I know Oathbringer is coming, but I just want more. Thanks.
  10. Pestis the Spider
    It's not you. I was crying before you even asked. I was just absolutely unprepared for that. And I don't believe in any form of life after death, so she's just gone. I won't see her again. I don't even want to see her again, so she doesn't remind me of her death. She deserved better carer than me and better longer life. When I bought her I promised the breeder I will take good care of all of them, but I failed, and now one of them is gone.
  11. Pestis the Spider
    damnation. She was only 6 months old. Her name was Freya and she was such a lovely pet. And I treat my pets like my babies almost. She died way too soon, and in a way too cruel way. I loved her so much, and now she's gone, and I can't even go and hug my other rats, because I am in Poland. And they are probably just as sad as I am. I really can't believe that has just happened. Sorry, for long complaining here, but I am crying pretty bad now. Jeezuz.
  12. Pestis the Spider
    I am currently on holidays at my parents house, so I left my pet rats with a friend. Just 5 minutes ago, I got a text that one of my rats was crushed by a sofa and died. omg.
  13. Pestis the Spider
    Basically what happened is that I stopped replying in a round Sanderson Elimination. it may seem stupid, but that is enough to keep me away from here even forever. I might be paranoid a bit. But thank for welcoming me back, that is really reassuring. Oh, god, that's awful. I totally know how you feel, as this year I missed two of my exams due to anxiety attack (they were day after day), and I'm still don't know if they will let me try these exams again. I hope you get better and you pass your exams.
  14. Pestis the Spider
    Ummmmm... I feel really frustrated today, because I can't use the Shard, and I haven't used it for a long, long time. The reason for that is that once upon a time I failed a lot of people here, then freaked out, then decided to completely disappear. Now I am to embarrassed and scared to just come back like that. But I noticed that someone mentioned me recently in one of the topics, and that really made me remember how much I used to like the Shard. So I am a sad disappointment of a user. Do you think I can come back to the Shard despite that? I'm asking 100% seriously. EDIT: Yes, it is my description of a bad day.
  15. Pestis the Spider
    I've never played SE, so I'm not going to do anything until I know at least something.
  16. Pestis the Spider
    Um, guys. It's been 8 hours and i still have no PM.
  17. Pestis the Spider
    I have questions: - Post and Clacks workers receive 3 pennies a cycle, and CMOT doesn't work for either Post nor Clacks. Does it mean that CMOTD doesn't receive any money a cycle and the only way he makes money is by selling his sausage buns? - I'm pretty sure it's possible, but I want to confirm: Can Post workers send Clacks message and can Clacks runners send Post message? Edit: - Also, is there any information that we are not allowed to share with other characters (in game, I mean)? I'm talking about GM PMs, and what we learn e.g. from Scans, Post/Clacks messages and so on. I also understand that we are allowed to lie about anything and everything? Edit2: How many Docs will there be and who exactly (i.e. which roles, not players) has the access to them? Because I am a little lost here. Edit3: What is about this "Tax" that is mentioned in the Banker section? Edit4: Do ALL thieves steal ALL the money and ALL the items from the target, or just some of them? Because I am in general confused by this section. First it states that all the items are stolen, and then the Pickpocket role has an ability to additionally steal one item. I'm lost. But maybe it's because it's late here. Edit5: Captain of the Watch (maybe you meant Commander of The Watch?) and Captain Vimes is not the same person, right? I'm asking, because they're both Captains... Ad. to Edit5: Wait. So Captain of the Watch and Captain Vimes are two different players, and Captain of The Watch has a survival win con, and Vimes is immune to all actions (so he cannot be killed if I understand correctly). Does it mean that if Vimes becomes Commander of The Watch they win? Edit6: Do Monarchists know who the Monarch is? Edit7: Is the "Patriarch" from the "Monarch" section actually supposed to be "Patrician"? Or am I just confused? Sorry for so many edits.
  18. Pestis the Spider
    Thank you! I appreciate that help.
  19. Pestis the Spider
    Oh, no. I'm not reading any very old games. The rules have clearly changed, games changed andf in general it's only going to be more confusing if I read those. Fortunately, I know how Mafia works, but what I am confused about a little is PMs and Docs that are incorporated to make it work on the forum. I'll work it out, don't worry. EDIT: Well, whatever happens, the worst possible outcome is just me dying too soon, so it's not that bad. I can survive that.
  20. Pestis the Spider
    Thanks! And I did read the Rules thread, but it didn't make me any less confused about how to play. Well, i learn best by practice, so I'll see how it goes.
  21. Pestis the Spider
    Is this open to total beginners that never played SE and are currently super confused about it, buit still want to try? Yes, I am talking about myself. So if it's fine I'd like to join as Pestis, please. EDIT: Is this post everything I need to do to join? I just wanna be sure.
  22. Pestis the Spider
    Can I just say how I just absolutely hate my ADHD? I finally motivated myself to clean my room, which obviously involves taking some rubbish out. In the last hour I already lost my keys 3 times. And this time I lost them really, really well, so I'm kind of locked in the house. Lovely. I'm used to things disappearing randomly, but I don't like when they do it, when I need them. I'm surprised I ever manage to get anything done this way. Any idea where my keys can be? I've already checked the doors, my shelf (where my keys usually are), my jacket (where they usually are), the window ledge (where they usually are... they are usually in sooo many places), my bed (where they... well you know), the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, the dressing gown, my pockets... I'm out of ideas. Eh. EDIT: Wait, I got inspired and just found them inside the package that I got 2 weeks ago and swore to unpack after I clean my room. Well, problem solved for a moment.
  23. Pestis the Spider
    As a person living in UK I can confirm that Marmite does exist. You can buy it in every shop, it's everywhere. Also as a person currently working as a Catering Assistant in the UK in the restaurant that caters up to 2500 ppl per meal (2-3 meals a day) I can confirm that noone ever eats Marmite. Like noone. But everyone eats Nutella. So my only conclusion is that people buy Marmite and then don't eat it. True story, guys.
  24. Pestis the Spider
    Yeah, but there is a difference between calcium in milk and calcium in tablets. Mainly it's much more difficult (as in impossible) to overdose the calcium by drinkin milk. Calcium in tablets can be overdosed like any other medicine. And to be honest quite a lot of simple painkillers and other meds are totally natural products, just purified and put on a tablet, so it's not that much different.
  25. Pestis the Spider
    But what is actually the difference between taking antihistamines and calcium. Taking extra minerals and vitamins to treat something is not that much different from taking meds. And it's not like I have a calcium-deficiency.
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