TwiLyghtSansSparkles

Wait, wait, wait! We're forgetting the most angst-ridden pairing this story has to offer! What Hurts the Most, a Lightmaker story:

I upvoted that at "puppy of evil" and then wished I could do it again.

Twenty minutes later…. "Nathan? I thought you were going to trail Lightwards for a while." "Things were getting weird. I left."

*sighs* I'll get the mortician. We'll need one, if they hit the town together.

Oh yes I di-id! He said he'd be gone this week, didn't he? We could always invent a side plot, if we get bored—something smallish, but entertaining.

Good question. Guys? What sorts of nocturnal activities do you have going on, and how long do you expect them to take? CorpseMaker's alliance, were you raiding Kliever under the cover of darkness, or waiting until morning?

*bows* And here I thought I'd have to use the "So, so sorry" gif.

You Raise Me Up, a Lighture story: Ever and Ever On, Travelwards story: Tripping the Light Fantastic, a Light-times story: Endangering Love, a Lighthound story: Oh No You Didn't, a Ladry story

Kobold! You can't say the word "shipping" to the Internet! Do you want 3,582 Lightwards/vulture stories? I've spent quite a lot of time on those fanfic sites in my day, and let me tell you, they are not for the faint of heart.

The thought of sleeping in the same house as three reanimated corpses and a delusional Epic made Nathan want to scream, but he smiled instead. Their new ally apparently wanted to keep his friends close, and the best way to put him at ease was to do what he wanted. He nearly asked where the Sadrys and Donald would sleep, but they were technically dead. Dead people didn't need to sleep. They would spend the night puttering around or sitting quietly in the house that used to be theirs. They would know, but not care, that it was now the headquarters for the man who had killed them. The thought made him want to hug the couple, but they wouldn't care. That made him even sadder. Still wearing a smile, Nathan took the map of Portland and the museum pamphlet from the table and headed down the hall. The first door he opened led to a room with two pink and two purple walls. "Doctor? I think this one's yours." She clapped her hands when she saw it, then put her arms around him. "Aren't you coming with me?" They'd only been fake-dating for--what?--three hours and she already wanted to share a room? "I'll be in later. I need to get some work done first." She said nothing, but her pouting smile made him laugh. "I promise, sweetheart. Just give me a little time." She closed the door with a giggle. Nathan's room was painted beige, with camo bedspread and photographs of the previous tenant posing with freshly killed deer and fish. Whoever the Sadry hunter was, Nathan hoped he was still alive. He took off his duster, hung it in the closet, and allowed himself a sigh. He had a month, maybe less, to stop a delusional necromancer from killing half of Portland and putting the rest in the queue, and nothing more than a map, his wits, and an extremely forward fake girlfriend to do it with. He stretched out on the bed with another sigh. Portland was so screwed.

"911, what's your emergency?" "Yes...I'd like to report a sexual harassment. And attempted murder." "All right, ma'am, stay calm. Describe what he's doing." "He's SMILING at me!" "Ma'am, we can't arrest someone for smiling at you, let alone charge him with attempted murder." "COME AND LOOK AT HIM!" "Ma'am, are you crying?"

Were they still allied with CorpseMaker, or had Funtimes broken it by giggling in his ear and vanishing without swearing fealty? More importantly, was the museum in his territory? "I'll need a few hours at least to study the map and plan a route." Alone, preferably. "So dawn."

I didn't find a natural history museum on Google Maps, but the most likely location would be downtown. That could be within a few blocks to a few miles of CorseMaker's old bank. Thoughttown is in a suburb, so it wouldn't be in AM's territory. There was a map posted a few pages back, but I can't dig it up at the moment. And yes, NH is super creepy. If he smiled at me while in line at the store, I'd call the police. I'm fairly sure they'd arrest him for harassment.

Nathan did agree with Lightwards on one thing: Death was a tyrant. More than one Epic had given friends of his over to death's waiting arms. But there was a simple way to prevent that sort of thing, and that was to refrain from killing people. Which Lightwards, being a madman with a pistol and an abiding love of zombies, would not do. "I'm a bit new myself," he said. "I'll need time to scope out the area." Since Lightwards seemed under the impression that he could teleport, he glanced at Funtimes. "But I'm not going near Thoughttown without her."

Well....zombies and hounds are controlled by willpower, aren't they? So I think it would come down to a question of whose will is stronger. Since they're both stubborn, being Epics, I might even say that a battle of wills MIGHT result in whoever had control losing it, and the subject in question being temporarily freed. On the other hand, I could also see whoever had control first having the upper hand, with whoever wants control having to fight twice as hard for it.

They're gonna rock Portland like a hurricane. Because hurricanes are destructive and scary. Like Funtimes on a dinosaur.

I'm picturing CorpseMaker trying to stare down a T-Rex as Nighthound tries to make a lizard-hound-monstrosity thing. Could he do that?

If Epics can disregard the laws of biology, math, and physics, then you can too.

Pics or it didn't happen.

He refused Funtimes generous offer of a bejeweled loincloth. He forfeits his right to speak.

The Insano Party requests you put your pink sombrero back on.

(((Agreed. Those poor people never thought the apocalypse would be so full of cats.))) Funtimes took the pamphlet, flicked through it, and tossed it back onto the table. "BOR-ing." Nathan flipped the pages with unsteady fingers. He had never thought of a museum as a necromancer's paradise, but as image after image of extinct predators snarled at him from color photos, he felt himself go cold. He pictured an army of saber tooth tigers rampaging through the streets with party hats on their heads, and he wanted to run screaming into the night. But there was nothing he could do. They had already agreed to an alliance. Backing out now would create suspicion. "I think it could be fun," he told Funtimes. "If those....kitties were moving...." She perked up a bit. "They're cute." Cute wasn't the word he'd use, but it would have to do. He would just have to think of a way to delay the inevitable as they went.

*gasp* He's speaking her language! What is HAPPENING here? Doctor Funtimes clapped her hands and laughed in glee. "Make a kitty this time! Make it a kitty!" Nathan weighed his options. Lightwards was willing to work with them--well, with Funtimes, at any rate--which was a departure from his earlier insistence on world domination on his terms. And compared to what CorpseMaker might do, transforming Portland into the world's first smiley-shaped city seemed positively magnanimous. The map was put away, and she pouted. Nathan took her hands in his. "We could do that, couldn't we? Only make it real this time. What do you think?" She nodded. "With kitties, and root beer!" "Of course," he said with a chuckle. Ordinary people loved root beer, and the sort of kitties she conjured were relatively harmless. Perhaps he could get her to poof up some allergy meds for those who needed them, after finding a way to keep them from becoming a legion of undead slaves. He smiled not at Lightwards, but at her. "Count us in," he said.

Nathan forced himself to look smug throughout Lightwards' terrifying speech. It wasn't the madness that created the terror, though he was nothing if not mad. Nathan had served madmen. He knew how to handle madmen. But the madman, in this case, was right. Funtimes didn't need to stay with him. Might made right, and by all rights she should have watched him die. He was nothing to her, valuable only so long as she found him amusing. Fortunately for him, her eyes glazed over at the word 'responsibility.' When he finished, she stuck out her tongue in distaste. "Science isn't amusing, dummy. This is amusing!" With a snap of her fingers, Donald's work pants became a pink and orange kilt. A rhinestone Santa Claus smiled benevolently from his shirt. Nathan gave his cockiest smile. Donald looked nonplussed.

A mad scientist and evil professor all in one. Great. All the arrogance of a professor with none of the wisdom or foresight. "How is it that I hear of so many Epics contesting your rule of this city?" How indeed? "We--" Nathan began, but Funtimes burst into laughter. "Who said we want to rule it?" Nathan smiled through his surprise, wishing they had been able to save fleeing Newcago for the third or fourth date. A few conversations about long-term goals would have done wonders for their relationship. "She's right." He sipped his cocoa. It tasted faintly of caramel. "We're here for fun. Ruling--that's for later. No need to rush things,"