TwiLyghtSansSparkles

….yeah, I've got nothing.

Well, I'm sitting here thinking of random semi-solid things the flamethrower could shoot, so if you can think of anything better/more insane than glue, tomato soup, cactus thorns, or a live tiger cub, feel free to post it. If I post it, it'd be more of just a reaction than an action, so like I said, if you can think of anything more appropriate, feel free to go with it.

Raise your hand if you read that in his voice.

Beef jerky? Psh, that's for losers. Does anyone in Portland have buffalo jerky?

Oh, thank goodness. Is the cheese statue bit taken from page 27?

My question: Do the diamonds count as living things, since she has to be touching them? (That's got to be the weirdest sentence I've ever typed, by the way.)

Also, turning a table back into a tree is freaking awesome.

Many things could be said about Doctor Funtimes, but it could not be claimed that she did not have an excellent sense of timing. The moment it became clear the table would not remain one for long, Funtimes took them outside the house, landing as the tree crashed through a wall and into the street, dodging both the tree and Stupidface. She coughed again, then giggled. Nathan knew what that giggle meant. "Let's stay out here for a minute," he whispered into her ear. "He almost killed you." Funtimes said nothing, but the gleam in her eye said more than words could. "All right," he sighed, then forced a smile. "Let's take care of that—what'd you call him? Poo-poo head?" She shook her head. "He's a cuckoobrain. Fortuity was a poo-poo head." "Of course." How could he have gotten them mixed up? She took them inside once more. Oak leaves and branches lay scattered across the carpet. Cool air filled the living room, the smell of oak wood mingling with the smells of acid, gunpowder, and cracked plaster—and the fainter, yet still discernible, smell of blood. Both the man and the woman were dead. "I like the misty, misty misty misty," she sang, and waved a hand in Stupidface's direction. His shirt and jacket melted into liquid, and the strong, chemical smell of acid filled the room.

And here I was hoping to see Mike, the Evil Living Building.

Go right ahead. A post with a zombie table?

Does his necromancy have a wood setting? Also, who be next?

"Lightwards threw his gun across the room in rage. For it was no longer a gun, but a teddy bear. "Nighthound laughed, but that was before he looked down and realized he was wearing a traditional mariachi outfit, complete with sombrero and maracas. "Let's party! Funtimes cried, tossing a handful of glitter into the air."

Let it be written, let it be done. Let us meet this Nightmare Child!

Of course she's an Epic. No sister of Nighthound can be not terrifying! She HAS to be a creature of pure, unfiltered nightmare fuel. Astoria, or Aurora, perhaps. Aurora is a town with a lot of history, and it kind of has a reputation for witchcraft and superstition, since a lot of the original inhabitants practiced both. Just seemed to fit a sister of that terror-bot. Speaking of guns, would Lightwards appreciate it if Funtimes turned a couch cushion into a pile of ammo?

Well, what do we have so far? A human basilisk A Creeper McCreeperton who can take control of people and force them to run until their legs shatter A woman who can destroy things by looking at them A woman who can turn coffee into acid A necromancer An illusionist A pyro An electro who can scramble brains If I were Oregon, I just might destroy myself to get away from those guys.

Done. Also, Nighthound has a sister? I'm scared.

Nathan's power was teleportation, and he couldn't teleport. Should've faked telepathy or something, he thought, waiting for the others to look away so he could grab Funtimes. He didn't have to wait long. As the mist obscured Stupidface's blood and exposed ribs, Lightwards fired. The first two bullets hit Stupidface in the skull; the rest of them were for the bearded man. Nathan didn't wait to see whether the man-hound could heal or not. While Stupidface was distracted by his injuries and Lightwards by causing them, Nathan rolled across the floor and wrapped his hand around Funtimes' ankle. Thank goodness, she teleported. He had hoped she would take them far away—North Dakota, perhaps—but she was an Epic. Epics didn't run from fights, even fights they didn't start and had no intention of finishing. Instead, she landed across the room, safely out of Stupidface's reach. Nathan got to his feet quickly and pulled her close. ​You slontze what did you do—no, no, you did the right thing, just pretend she's normal, she's not an Epic, just a girl who was nearly choked to death by one. He stroked her hair as she coughed into his shoulder. Soon, her coughs became a strangled sort of laugh. "You—cukoobrain." A few more breaths steadied her voice. "That dark stuff is pretty." Nathan knew where her thought led. Loathe as he was to finish it, he knew it was his responsibility. So he smiled deviously. "I think she'd like to see more of it. Wouldn't you, darling?" She grinned.

U can't dunk me in milk. Problem? Nathan playing diplomat is probably the most likely way to end the fight, but at the moment, I highly doubt it would work. (Plus, the brawling is fun. ) Probably the most plausible thing to have happen is that the brawl goes on for a bit longer, it becomes clear to everyone but Nighthound that they're at a stalemate, and Nathan gets them to agree to an alliance based on the fact that there are a lot more powerful Epics in the city and they'd be stronger together. What say you?

Still night, I believe. And yes, I agree. There's nothing more awkward than to realize your character has just been standing there for an entire fight.

Acts of violence happened quickly. That was the first thing Nathan had learned when Chicago became Newcago. It wasn't uncommon to be walking one moment and shoved against a wall the next. The window incident had been so quick, with so little warning, that Nathan hadn't felt the pain until he tried to sit up. When they happened, there was no time to think. The idea of preparation was laughable. There was time to react, time to see if the reaction worked, and—if it did—time to decide on the next move. Stupidface—he needs a new name, he's not stupid—leaped from behind the sofa. Nathan registered his grinning face, the anticipation before a kill and— He was batted out of the way like a rag doll. The woman took hold of his arm just as his side began to ache. He couldn't fight back, he didn't know how to fight back, everything he had experienced in the last nine years had taught him to lie down and take it— He kicked at the woman. HIs first kick did little—don't hurt her, she's not the enemy—but his second connected with her shin. She loosened her grip long enough for Nathan to twist free. Doctor Funtimes, meanwhile, had wound up on the wrong side of Stupidface's chokehold. Panic seized him, she couldn't heal, she was going to die and he'd be alone with— With what he assumed was her last conscious breath, Funtimes giggled. Most of the coffee had been spilled, but there was still enough for her to toss it at her assailant's side. But when it flew through the air, Nathan knew it wasn't coffee. It was too clear, and he could smell the chemicals as the bearded man tried and failed to get ahold of his wrist. Acid. She had turned the coffee into acid. Nathan laughed as the acid connected with Stupidface's side. He could hear the liquid burning through clothes, and hoped the pain distracted him long enough for her to escape.

D'awww. You're welcome!

I've always thought Calamity was sentient, and either malevolent or really oblivious to the damage it's causing. Whatever the case, it seems more likely that Calamity would focus on humans, rather than animals, with the rationale that either A. humans are the dominant species on Planet Earth and thus in the best position to use their powers for genuine evil, or B. Calamity just doesn't care about other species on the planet, regardless of intelligence. On a more meta note, Sanderson may have just not wanted to deal with slews of evil dolphins shooting laser beams from their eyes, or evil gorillas crushing buildings with their minds. A fun (and terrifying) thought, but more out of a really weird apocalyptic film than a deconstruction of the old world-ruled-by-supervillains trope.

And there is a zoo in Chicago…. Maybe Calamity is racist toward non-human species?