TwiLyghtSansSparkles

He doesn't. He's the evil abusive...whatever the heck he is, while the Unicyclist is the legitimate love interest. Nighthound is only part of the triangle at all because he insisted on it and he's scary.

Just as soon as I have access to a computer, I will set up the most awesome love triangle in fanfic history.

He won't act on it just yet. He hasn't survived this long by being rash. But I think Ray needs a nice guy in her life. A nice guy in a Darth Vader mask who agrees with the following: Now. If he waits at all, it must be so we can think of more painful ways to kill him.

That's it. After the latest Nighthound segment, I think it's high time the Unicyclist notice how pretty Ray is.

Motion carried. New Butt Monkey accepted.

For Nighthound, it makes sense that expressions of joy would be his undoing. Giggle at the ghosties and all that. I shall do it, then. And try not to imagine a meeting between Prof and Funtimes.

Especially effective there, since it sounds like her giggles caused his death. I also agree that it would be pretty awesome and lead to a fun sequel game. Shall I put the Funtimes-as-Prof-to-her-vanillas'-Reckoners wheels in motion, then?

"Being stopped from creeping out two beautiful twins made Nighthound so angry he couldn't breathe. His lungs, which hated him as much as anyone reading his scenes, asked permission from Nighthound's writer to simply quit their job. Permission was granted, and Nighthound died."

You know what might be cool? Since it looks like Timeport is going to do away with most of the Reckoners, it might be cool if Funtimes and her vanillas became the new Reckoners. Backtrack could be their Conflux. She might show you both mercy if you outlined your plans to off both of them.

A shopping date OF evil, or a shopping date WITH evil? Poor twins. And Backtrack. I'm starting to feel kind of sorry for him, telling Koschei's side of the story through him. Especially since he'll have already met Nighthound. That's probably wise. She might turn your drink into the most delicious parfait you've ever tasted, or she might turn your shirt to acid when she learns you're Nighthound's writer.

Lightwards can make even running errands sinister. There are indeed a lot of sources of evil in this RP. Are you sure you want to torment Backtrack with Nighthound just a few hours before he meets Koschei? Also, Aldo more charming than Funtimes? ...Okay, good point.

This is the best idea I've ever heard.

Yes. Yes, he is. Nah, she'd just clap her hands and giggle while you conjured smoke and ask if you could make it pink. I love them.

I like meta things. Bring it on! He seems like a turtleneck kind of a guy. There's nothing like a turtleneck to class up your rampage.

Thank you. If it involves a woman sliced in half, he will have a very hard time not looking revolted. But he will accept, as the chance to build rapport with Aldo is one that doesn't come along every day, and he needs all the Epics who don't want to kill him he can get. He'll leave out some of the juicier details of his own story, though. The drugged-and-strapped-to-a-table bit might give Aldo ideas, for all he knows. Edit: Ascended fanon. But then I remembered he was nude for most of that scene. One edit coming up.

Doctor Funtimes grinned as she watched her boyfriend lean against a tree. Aldo the Enigmatic—an amazing name, but not as amazing as Nathan—had pulled a chair from his pocket and sat. That was interesting. And fun. She would like to pull chairs out of her pocket, but her dress didn't have pockets. Which was stupid, but few prom dresses were made with pockets because every dress designer was a meanie buttface. Meanie buttface. She giggled, savoring the way those words sounded in her head. Meanie buttface, meanie buttface, meanie…. She liked the way he stood. Sort of relaxed, sort of not, arms folded across his chest. Even if he had a gun, she doubted his finger would be on the trigger. She liked that about Nathan. She liked the way he could stand and talk and listen without even thinking about murdering things. And he was cute. Cute and not murderous and completely able to talk to Epics like Jeffrey without getting killed. Jeffrey. She giggled again. He looked like a Jeffrey, no matter how much he might deny it. It was the hammer pants. Hammer pants made everyone look like a Jeffrey. Funtimes watched the conversation play itself out. Aldo was listening and Nathan was talking, and Aldo didn't seem anywhere near killing him. That was good. For him. If he tried, she would have to turn his shirt into acid, and he had such a snazzy mustache it would be a shame to cover his chest in acid burns. Not that she would like the screaming, either, and it would be a double shame to have such a fun Epic be her enemy. "My dear." Funtimes turned abruptly as Saccharine's voice reminded her she was there. "It can be hard can it not, when we want to trust our loved ones to protect themselves, but wish we could remove the need to trust them in the first place? No danger, no worry. Especially when they are in company unlike themselves." Was that a threat? Had Funtimes said it, it would most certainly be a threat. But Saccharine wasn't Funtimes. Not at all. She had much nicer hair, for one thing. It was all curly and spilled all over the place from beneath one of the best hats she had ever seen. Saccharine was an Epic who knew how to choose a hat. Maybe it wasn't a threat. Maybe she was offering to help. Funtimes waited for Saccharine to continue, but all she added was: "After all, we don't all wear fedoras that get hungry." Funtimes looked from Saccharine to Nathan and Aldo to Saccharine again, pulled the woman close, and whispered in her ear. "How did you know about that dirty meanieface's meanie hat?" Nathan leaned against a tree as Aldo whipped a folding chair out of his pocket, increased it to normal size, and sat. "And if you're still a little edgy around little old me, we can talk right here where these fine ladies can see the whole thing." Aldo wanted a story. Not just any story, but his story. A story that involved a murderous precog and a lot of things that made very little sense, even in hindsight. A story that could very well tip his hand as to how little he wanted to be there. Nathan studied Aldo for a moment. He sat there with an expectant smile, waiting for him to begin. He had sought Funtimes out the moment he spotted her rainbow dress. Not Lightwards. Not Nighthound. Her. He admired her—that much was clear in the doe-eyed glances he gave her—and sought her favor over the Emperor's. And he hadn't attempted murder yet, so he had one thing going for him. Something began to stir in Nathan's chest. He had been punched, threatened, glared at, and insulted. He suspected Funtimes' trick with the tar was the only reason he was still in the jungle instead of splattered across the pavement five thousand feet below. And now he had an Epic, who could apparently shrink things at will and probably had a small arsenal in his pockets, grinning expectantly and waiting for him to tell his story. He had enough enemies in the Empire, and he wasn't about to be Aldo's lackey. One minute it's a story; the next minute, it's a request for something larger. If Aldo were willing to treat him like something slightly less than an equal, he would make sure it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. And, if all else failed, Funtimes could always turn his own hat against him. "All right, Aldo. I'll tell you my story, but I need to know something first. What you get out of this is clear. You get to know who I am, where I came from, and what I'm doing here, but you never said what I get out of it. So tell me: If I tell you my story, what are you willing to do for me?"

Two upvotes in under a minute, plus enthusiastic verbal support. I'm going for it.

In the sequel, Sam must write "I am sorry for calling my professor an idiotic blowhard" 500 times. I had actually not thought of that. Odd, huh? All right, I'm going to conduct a quick and extremely informal poll. I think I know Doctor Funtimes well enough now to cut her loose from her sane narrators. Does anyone have any objections to a Funtimes viewpoint scene? And I mean that seriously. If you think it's too soon, or you think she'd bog the narration down, or anything like that, let me know. I don't think I'll use her viewpoint that often, but I'd like to say how she feels about Saccharine, and Remington can't very well see into her head. (Even if he could, I doubt he'd want to.)

Like Nine, he takes them to see the destruction of their planet for the first date.

But...but as a decent human being beyond his scope of control, I am contractually obligated to taunt his neuroses at every opportunity! I will post Nathan's response soonish. He needs to be less passive....which is hard when you've been frightened into being passive.

The only problem here is that CM actually IS badchull. Fine, he can vent his frustrations. Better Backtrack than others.

Sorry, Lightwards, but you will never be able to rock a cape like Steelheart. Also, stop acting like Steelheart. You're creeping me out. Not that you weren't creeping me out before, but it's like you're trying now.

I do believe so, my good man. (Great. Now you've got me talking like him. )

He does get right down to business. It's nice to see a man with ambition who takes initiative. #lookingontheverydimbrightside