Kobold King

Well, Lucentia did prevent Revolution from having a piece of bacon. Eternal rivalries have been started over smaller offences. I can try to make a post here soon.

Ooh, that would be neat. Uh, I mean, no, that would be horrid.

I too am awed by TwiLyght's schedule. So, theoretically, if his hand was chopped off and worn by a certain necromancer as a necklace... would it still work?

Well the first post of Calamityville will feature a sane Möbius as the primary POV character, so you'll get a glimpse of her average personality then. She's usually a cross between Lucentia, dark!Funtimes, and Lightwards all rolled up into a single overpowered Epic. And to be honest, I don't know where her memetic status came from. I certainly don't know where the idea of her having a harem came from, though the idea is almost plausible.

Nighthound would throw the entire Harem Pocket Universe into disarray. Mr. Victor Milan? You are hereby promoted to Imperial Advisor status.

Plot twist: the entire Halloween RP was set up by Möbius to get rid of Funtimes' hiccups.

My original plan for Backtrack was for him to mention Möbius in front of Funtimes and the rest of the Empire people, which would make Lightwards point a gun in his face. While that plan's sort of been scrapped at this point, it would have been fun to give Lightwards such a big scare.

Joseph Stalin had more victims, so he gets locked in a cupboard with Nighthound.

You mean... I can't post pictures of ponies any more?

I was picturing a few of Hotwire's sports cars still sitting on the ground below the Museum. Maybe Nighthound could talk to Backtrack and make him glad he'll be heading out of town? (In case you didn't see my edit to the last post: on a scale of 1 to 10, how many atrocities have been traced to Ray in this part of Portland? Sam knows the names of all the Epics who live in the downtown area, and I wanted to know precisely how sorry she should be feeling for Ray right now. )

Alright. According to Google, it takes about an hour and twenty minutes to drive from Portland to The Dalles, so Backtrack should get to the farm around two hours after he gets his mission. We'll add fifteen minutes to the journey if he wastes time trying to get the momentum twins to come with him before he leaves. EDIT: Edgedancer, on a scale of 1 to 10, how many atrocities have been traced to Ray in this part of Portland? Sam knows the names of all the Epics who live in the downtown area, and I wanted to know precisely how sorry she should be feeling for Ray right now.

TwiLyght, I'm still sending Backtrack to The Dalles, right?

New plan: Remington Springfield arranges for Lightwards, CorpseMaker, and Altermind to play a game of Risk together. Winner takes Portland. You're all firstborns? But... but... * brain explodes *

I liked your last post. It actually struck me as concise and to the point instead of scattered. It was all made up of either character thoughts or story-driven actions, which is preferable to manufactured situations any day. And I like Remington's mom.

I don't feel like writing another post tonight. Last thing I posted there turned out kind of a mess, so I'd like to get a night's sleep before trying again. I would like to see the Momentum Twins back in the proper hands.

Who go-eth next in yonder Oregon RP?

My response to people who keep trying to cheat the system:

Waffle-Fist? I... I... * swoons from the awesomeness * (I don't care whether this double date is in Oregon or here on the Question. But it must exist pronto. )

The only ship that even comes near to rivaling Algaze. I--achoo!--like him.

Um... actually, I have no idea who Revolution's nemesis would end up being. The Trimmer, perhaps? The Unicyclist is also currently missing an archenemy.

Both genders are equally enslaved by an alien race. I wish for a bottle of pills that cure all diseases.

The Greek gods weren't nearly as creative as we are. New post up. "What Happened in Oregon Post 660," or, "In Which Sam Trattner Finds Her Epic Archnemesis." It didn't turn out quite like I wanted it, but it was the best I could do while rushing back and forth from the computer for various tasks.

The jungle suddenly became very noisy. While the crowd of Epics was a welcome addition to the Empire, they immediately began to spread out in an unruly manner, many of them speaking at once. Aldo tipped his hat and went to introduce himself to the other members of the Empire, while Funtimes immediately gravitated towards the nearest similarly-colored woman she could find, the Epic called Parity. The child Epic strode forward and immediately began asking for his own dinosaur, and Nighthound's sister began asking when they could get down to business. Lightwards cast the latter a particularly long look. She looked something like her brother, though far more regal and reserved. As he'd noted before, one of her arms seemed to be cast from pure movable diamond, and she was dressed in tight plates of black crystal. The crystals formed a glittering carapace that made her look like a sleek, stern beetle. The beetle-woman was also looking at him with a look of utmost contempt, which made Lightwards set his jaw. "Business," he replied finally, fixing her with a determined smile. "I believe that introductions qualify as business, Lucentia. If you truly have an interest in claiming a role in this Empire, you will be meeting these people every day. I would suggest you get to know them now." He gave her what he hoped was an equally frosty and contemptuous smile before moving on to the next newcomer. Sandman was still smiling at him expectantly. Lightwards hesitated a moment before giving the kid another smile. "I am the founder of this Empire," he informed Sandman. That should suit the lad's infantile curiosity--now to settle his request. With what he hoped was a fatherly kind of smile, he called into the jungle for a specific dinosaur. Within a few moments the specimen came hopping out of the foliage. It was a smaller predator, standing on two legs and covered in deep blue scales. It's thin body came up to Sandman's waist, and it's fangs jutted out of its mouth in the semblance of a snaggle-toothed smile. "This is called a Masiakosaurus," Lightwards explained to the boy. "It's small but agile. The teeth aren't suited for biting people, but it can probably use its claws to bring down larger prey. He's yours to command." Technically, this animal had evolved for catching fish and would not be spectacularly useful in a fight. But it would hopefully sate the child Epic's enthusiasm for now. He tried clearing his throat to speak to the other Epics, but before he could get any words out, Purple Phoenix came before him in a low bow. "Emperor, as you requested I have finished surveying the area and discovered a multitude of new Epics for your Empire." Lightwards raised an eyebrow. "Have you, now? I believe Aldo the Enigmatic claimed credit for that particular achievement." The last time he'd seen this man, he'd found himself soaked in gasoline in an alleyway. After the man had planted explosives in his Museum. Purple Phoenix, Lightwards thought ominously. Whatever you are about to say had better impress me. Cricket kept her eyes moving over the chattering crowd of Epics, trying to figure out who was who. Some were easy. She'd met Lightwards before, and anyone who'd been to northern Oregon could recognize Lucentia the Diamond Queen. What she was doing in Portland was anyone's guess, but the identification was definite. The easiest to spot out of the crowd, however, was the woman in the glittering, rainbow-splattered dress. Cricket would have been content to shoot her a glance in passing and have done with her, but Aldo seemed transfixed by her. "Would you look at that, Cricket?" he asked in a soft voice. "That is an Epic. Lightwards is an impressive gentleman for sure, and there's no denying the brutal flare of a man like Nighthound... but that is an Epic to be remembered." "People sure did remember her," Cricket replied, thinking back to the vanillas they'd interviewed. People who'd witnessed the Empire's playground speech were often in shock or in hysteria, but there were details that everyone recounted at great length. A few people rattled about an old man being shredded on top of a merry-go-round. A few recounted Nighthound's ride through the city and the fatalities he had so happily caused. Everyone remembered the child-like cannibal who made it rain pancakes while smooching her boyfriend. "I kind of see what the fuss is about," Cricket admitted. "I mean, just look at her. She looks like my old ballet teacher crossed with a giant butterfly." Aldo straightened his hat and his twirled his mustache. "I'm going to introduce myself. We'll see who's really in charge of this here Empire--" The magician barely took three steps before he was interrupted by a feminine voice from behind. "Look at that guy! I didn't know Harry Houdini was still around." Suddenly curious, Cricket turned her head to get a look at the speaker. A teenager in goth clothing stood alongside a young hippie, respectively casting a grin and an icy smile their way. Cricket tried unsuccessfully to nudge Aldo away from the pair, but the man had already twirled around with a charming smile and a flourish. "I'm flattered that you mistook me for him," he told the girls smoothly. "Harry Houdini was one of my inspirations, after all." The hippie met Aldo's signature smile with one of her own. "Congratulations, then. You look just like a charlatan from the 1920s." Aldo the Enigmatic shook a finger gently in her face in response. "Nuh uh uh," he told her with a wink. "I won't stand for anyone speaking ill of Harry Houdini. It's against my personal code." The goth girl grinned. "Well, the important thing is that we know how to slight an Epic magician." "Yes," the hippie added with a guilty smile. "With slight of hand." Great, Cricket thought as the girls started laughing at their own wit. Now they've done it. Sure enough, Aldo's smile had grown obviously forced and he had a prominently twitching eye. Cricket sighed and patted him on the arm. "Go check out the Funtimes lady," she told him. "I'll take care of these comedians." Aldo gave her a curt nod, then a more sincere smile. Tipping his hat to the goth and the hippie, he strode off to regain control of himself. Cricket fixed her attention to the snidely laughing pair in front of her. "Bad magic puns?" she asked with smile of her own. "Is that really the best today's youth can come up with?" The goth finished laughing and met her gaze. "It made his eye twitch, so I'd say it was good enough." "Oh, good enough?" Cricket replied, smirking. "Same as that goth impression, I presume?" The girl raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, impression?" "I don't think you're old enough to even know what a goth is," Cricket laughed. "I mean, you're the first one I've seen in years, and I've been around. I think you just found a picture of one and thought, 'what the hay, I bet I can dress like that.'" The teenager stopped laughing long enough to flush slightly. "Like I'm taking fashion critique from the Epic who thinks gym shorts are a costume." "I'd quit it with the jibes if I were in your shoes," Cricket said with another smirk. "Actually, in those shoes I think I'd just try to stay out of sight..." The pair gave her an incredulous look, the teenager glancing at her glittering purple shoes. "Guess most Epics just threaten to cut off your limbs, huh?" asked Cricket. With that she chuckled and walked away, icy glares directed at the back of her head. Aldo approached Doctor Funtimes from a distance, putting on his best smile. A few more blinks of his eyes had his perception powers working as they should. Blasted vanilla girls. Blasted weakness, for that matter, he thought while he was at it. It couldn't have been anything hard to exploit, now could it? It had to be-- He stifled the thought as he came into Funtimes' presence. "So you're the good Doctor," he exclaimed, genuine happiness coming back to him. "I've been a fan of your work since your show of pancakes at the local playground. I wasn't there, but I'm told there's been no finer rain of pastries in quite a while." He bent over, gently taking Funtimes' wrist and kissing the back of her hand. "I would be honored to make your personal acquaintance."

Lightwards then became a tragic anti-hero, roaming the countryside in search of an equally awesome hat. Remington was conflicted; on the one hand, taking vengeance in the form of a brutal murder sounded pretty satisfying. On the other hand, it could be argued that such a sad quest was a punishment in and of itself. That is anything but a 'subtle' advantage.

Thus signalling to the audience that things are about to get real. I foresee a smoldering cold war within the Empire as Epics subtly align themselves with either Lightwards or Funtimes. Lightwards supporters (or "Leprechauns") flaunt their allegiance by wearing sickly green bowler hats. Funtimes supporters (or "Kitten-kaboodles") flaunt theirs by clanking pink Converse shoes together at every opportunity.