Kobold King

In a previous post I discussed the nature of alicorns within the My Little Pony continuity, specifically giving my thoughts on how caste-specific magic works in Equestria. Today I'd like to bore you, er, regale you with the Grreat and Insightful Kobold's thoughts on one of the program's more enigmatic characters, Zecora the zebra, and the hidden agenda that brought her to Ponyville. (Just to get this out of the way: I am a devoted fan of Zecora's, and I do not believe her intentions are anything short of benign. Theories that imply that she really is "an evil enchantress" risk negating the moral of "Bridle Gossip," which I am not willing to do.) Now, what do we know about Zecora? We know: That she is a zebra from an unspecified far-away land, presumably Planet Equestria's version of Africa; that she lives in the middle of the Everfree Forest, where the processes of nature operate on their own as opposed to the pony-controlled state of things in the rest of Equestria; that she predates Twilight Sparkle's arrival in Ponyville by at least a few years, judging by her reputation among the ponies. Also, when she's on the show each time, she only speaks in words that rhyme. It is possible that she is merely a migrant hermit, simply making a living for herself by harvesting the magical plants of the Everfree. I believe she has a greater purpose in mind. Let us consider her cutie mark: It is a spiral with triangles pointing outwards from it. At first glance, Zecora's cutie mark is one of the more inexplicable marks on the show. While cutie marks have a tendency to be symbolic, hers is more so than most. It almost blends in with her stripes, and gives no intuitive sense of what special talent might be. Some have shrugged off her cutie mark altogether for its incomprehensibility. However, scouring the Internet for the meaning of the spiral shape, I found this on the dubiously reputable "whats-your-sign.com": Usually I'd be inclined to distrust the testimony of a site that deals in the same numerology as our Vashikaran friends, but in this case I find its implications for Zecora's cutie mark legitimately interesting. So let's just roll with it. As a spiral shape with a ring of outwards-pointing triangles, it appears that Zecora's cutie mark emphasizes the outwards expansion of nature. And it just so happens that she makes her home in the center of the most natural place in Equestria. So here's my hypothesis: Zecora wishes to expand the Everfree Forest. The Everfree Forest is the only place in all of Equestria that the natural laws we take for granted in our world seem to apply. Clouds move on their own without requiring pegasus overseers. Plants and animals fend for themselves without need for earth pony caretakers, even evolving into unique lifeforms such as poison joke and the cockatrice. It is the one biome in Equestria that is not strictly regulated by the ponies, causing most ponies to view it as nothing short of an eldritch abomination. They are comfortable controlling the natural world, and nature that they do not control terrifies them. Zecora does not fear the Everfree Forest, and just might hold a more objective view of it. The ponies' control of their environment might be seen as virtuous by some, but there are some major problems with this system. Just as human-run systems are vulnerable to human error, the pony-run system of nature is vulnerable to pony error. We see in "Hearth's Warming Eve" that even in the earliest era of pony society, control of the elements was being abused. The unicorns demanded tribute of food in exchange for raising the sun each morning, and the pegasi demanded the same for ensuring that the weather functioned as it should. (It's also worth noting that the warlike leader of the pegasi at the time was named Commander Hurricane, which should send a chill down the spine of anyone who ponders the implications.) Even in recent times, forces like Tirek threaten not just pony society but the entire natural order, and a single rogue pegasus can sabotage the flow of the seasons on a whim. Would it really be so bad if the Everfree Forest were allowed to overtake the planet? Not in an aggressive way like Discord's plunderseeds, but in a careful, controlled manner, allowing pony society time to adjust to its ways and learn to live in harmony with it? Our world proves that a sapient race doesn't need to control its environment so rigidly in order to survive, and it's possible that the hardy and adaptable ponies might even thrive without the need to devote so many resources into weather control every year. Institutions such as Cloudsdale could even be maintained in the new world order to help prevent natural disasters. Pony society could have the best of both worlds. Granted, if Zecora really is working to expand the Everfree Forest without anypony's knowledge, she may need to learn a friendship lesson about trying to help friends who don't want to be helped. The decision to allow the Everfree to overtake the planet would almost certainly be a controversial one, and likely not a decision that a single lone zebra has the right to make. But to me at least, the idea that Zecora is secretly working to better Equestria by allowing nature to bloom unrestricted makes me view her character in a new but still positive light. As a final note: I haven't actually addressed Zecora's rhyming yet, which is an immediately noticeable aspect of her personality. I subscribe to a Tumblr headcanon I once saw, that Zecora's rhyming is a result of prolonged exposure to poison joke either accidental or deliberate. And if you think about it, this fits perfectly both with my theory and the nature of poison joke. Poison joke, true to its name, likes to play hilariously ironic jokes on those it infects. It makes the strong Applejack tiny and gives the soft-spoken Fluttershy a deep baritone voice. What better joke to play on a zebra who wants to destroy the enforced order of the world than to force her to speak in a rigid, orderly rhyming scheme with every word she says? Thus concludes my pony theory Which, I pray you don't find dreary. I think by now I've said enough So please return to Random Stuff!

Oh, who am I kidding. Captioned pictures of Rainbow Dash are the only way to appreciate the hilariousness and randomness of that comic. (Seriously though. My first Sanderson fan theory centered around my convictions that Jasnah Kholin was secretly a Scadrian gunslinger. I don't think any theory you've hatched is going to make me think you're ridiculous--I may or may not disagree, but who knows until you've posted it? )

Seriously though, I think we'd all like to hear them. The worst case scenario is that you're way off base and we can all look back at our kooky fan theories and have a laugh when Calamity comes out... and the best case scenario is that one of those kooky theories is confirmed. There's really no way to lose in the Game of Theories.

You should post more of them. It's hard for us to upvote things that are only in your head.

Pug pictures are pretty much the Question thread's official unit of currency, so Coma's card will pretty much be the equivalent of the twenty-dollar bills my grandma used to send me.

Excellent!

Can't have anyone finding out about all the creepy Revelation quotes you've been memorizing.

If this is accurate--and I'm not 100% sure that it is--then that would imply that Calamity has neither control nor knowledge of his Epics' weaknesses. Which would in turn imply... I don't know, but cool things I'm sure. On another note: why is this thread on "Calamity Spoiler Board"? It was created specifically to discuss an event from Firefight, and I was under the (possibly mistaken) impression that this board was solely dedicated towards discussing the Calamity excerpt and speculating on what will happen in the sequel.

I can think of a better one.

Sure beats putting everyone in a miniskirt. Especially since Arsenal would be included in that "everyone."

Internally... Obliteration. Externally, that kiss won't last very long before he snaps "NOW, MS. SPARKLE" to break it up.

Wow... this is the time Backtrack's ever made a snarky comeback to rival anything Sam or Revolution have ever said, and it's a fanon shipping on the joke planning thread. Poor guy.

* incomprehensible sobbing * "And the angel... well frankly the angel just found that rather insulting. Dost the little man realize how hard it is to find a good florist these days?"

Oblititrack? The relationship where we're almost as terrified as Backtrack is?

...Is it wrong that a part of me actually wanted this ship to happen in Firefight?

Yeah, but would he really be described as inhumanly buff? I'm of the opinion that the image the Bandersnatch is trying to evoke is that of Superman, who's traditionally been depicted as more muscular than is anatomically possible in a human male. Their aging is a good point. I wonder if Epics run out of breath while running as easily as normal humans? Or if on average they're physically stronger than they were before Calamity? Or if they can resist ice cream headaches more easily than your average vanilla?

I was going to joke about him singing "Ring Around the Rosies"... but that one actually fits him to a T.

"And behold, the angel of the Lord came to me in a dream. And he spake unto me, 'Hark! Put your right foot in, and then put your right foot out. And then you shalt shake it all about; thou shalt do the hokey pokey and turn thyself about. For that is what it is all about.'" "No more! I'm begging you!"

The part where David forces her to eat a whole stack of dry brownies and doesn't give her any milk to wash it down is one of the roughest scenes in any Sanderson novel, but it's hard to argue she didn't deserve it. (Covering up spoilers is fun. )

I'll give you a hint: it does NOT involve expanding Free Waffles Day to include Mondays and Wednesdays.

Koboldopolis! ... Failing that, I like Blaze's suggestions.

I can't speak for him, but I do doubt the romantic convictions of a woman who's decided she's head-over-heels in love after an hour with an unwilling girlfriend. ...That would certainly make for an awkward "I've fallen in love with someone else" conversation between Shiny and Autumn. Awkward and probably tearful for Shiny, relieving for Autumn.