Spockledorf Posted February 3, 2019 Report Share Posted February 3, 2019 (edited) Hello everyone! This is a composition that I've been working on for a while, it is based of the character Shallan. This is my second composition (and I have no idea what I'm doing) and I'm looking for feedback. Shallan's Theme is different than Tien's (which I wrote previously) in that I had a LOT of drafts before I posted it. Shallan is, right now, a jumbled mess of patterns (no pun intended) that I stitched together and called a 'song'. It is a concept, subject to change. Please feel free to give any feedback that you think is necessary, I really appreciate it. Also, don't forget to enjoy listening!! :] EDIT: Here is the updated draft https://drive.google.com/open?id=1q9UGHReOF2wPzoFT6Q-ZcMrwcRIlmmyn Edited April 13, 2020 by Spock 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silva Posted February 3, 2019 Report Share Posted February 3, 2019 @Spock I get what you mean by there being a lot of different patterns in it, but in some ways it makes it even more Shallan. It all still flowed most of the way with the exception of the very end, around the last ten seconds when the low notes appeared without much integration.Then again, I'm not an expert with music (I stopped playing five years ago), so take anything I say with a grain of salt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spockledorf Posted February 3, 2019 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2019 (edited) Thank you @Silva! I have the same feelings, the end just doesn't fit! (Though, again, I'm not a music expert) Though I decided to record the whole thing anyway... As for grain of salt, I will actually have to politely decline the recommendation, as I wouldn't want to grow salty... (I have way too much salt in my food when it's cooked anyway...) Edited February 3, 2019 by Spock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigmikey357 Posted February 3, 2019 Report Share Posted February 3, 2019 (edited) Same with the no musical training, but I think the shifting patterns are good. The switches from 4/4 time to 3/4 are nice although you may want to add one more timing change, maybe 2/4 since she can be frivolous at times? Also, Shallan has seen some really dark shyt in her past. If you are arranging it in a way that plays off of her life story in some type of chronological order then I'd suggest some minor key work in the beginning to signify her mother's death and her temporary loss of Pattern. If you're presenting her in narrative order, you know, as we discover her then the beginning as you have it is fine. Anyway, it's your vision and it's a damnation sight better than anything I could do. If you think my suggestions fit your vision and/or improve on it then I'm happy to have helped. If you believe what I wrote is incompatible with your vision then that is fine too. Edit: That ending! Really think you can incorporate more of that into the piece. Edited February 3, 2019 by Bigmikey357 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Iriarte Posted February 3, 2019 Report Share Posted February 3, 2019 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Spock said: Hello everyone! This is a composition that I've been working on for a while, it is based of the character Shallan. This is my second composition (and I have no idea what I'm doing) and I'm looking for feedback. Shallan's Theme is different than Tien's (which I wrote previously) in that I had a LOT of drafts before I posted it. Shallan is, right now, a jumbled mess of patterns (no pun intended) that I stitched together and called a 'song'. It is a concept, subject to change. Please feel free to give any feedback that you think is necessary, I really appreciate it. Also, don't forget to enjoy listening!! :] https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FW_HmlKiTwBYJ6EW9qWKhSqmhgOcLzSg/view?usp=sharing Shallan draft 0.2.mp3 Congratulations, this must have taking a lot of effort! I - an admittedly musically ignorant person - think it's great! If anything could be done (and this is very abstract and maybe not useful feedback) it would be giving it a more 'turbulent' feeling, i feel like that's what you were trying to do with the ending maybe? Although that depends on what aspect of Shallan you're trying to capture Keep up the good work Edited February 3, 2019 by Xavier Iriarte Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Channelknight Fadran Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 I agree that the fancy deep notes in the end don't seem to work. I'm not the best musician, but if I were you I'd write a theme for Veil that follows a similar fashion as the final notes and abridge the two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine Posted April 6, 2020 Report Share Posted April 6, 2020 @Spock that's hauntingly beautiful! I can totally see this as the theme for Shallan's arrival to Kharbranth, and as the soundtrack of her path to becoming Jasnah's ward. It's very cinematic, and I can't help but think of the picture it paints, like Korsakov's Scheherazade. Until about 2 mins in it's both fragile yet hopeful, hence the struggle. The change at 2 mins seem a bit like character growth, like buckling down to do things in earnest, and the ending seems like a climatic conflict, maybe the conflict Shallan feels in being both proud that she's Jasnah's ward but also ashamed that she'll eventually have to betray her. Great stuff! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spockledorf Posted April 7, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2020 (edited) Thank you all for your insightful feedback! It means more than you think! This recording was taken in late January of 2019, so I've done quite a bit of work on it. First off, I didn't like how I ended--even when I recorded it then. So, @Xavier Iriarte @Silva and @Channelknight Fadran, I'm pleased to say that I'm not including that part. Second, I changed the intro and made it get into the song faster (if that makes sense). I've also added a new pattern, one that eventually turned into the "Wind's pleasure". I would record it again, but I currently do not have access to a piano electric or otherwise. But fear not! It is likely I'll have access to one before the month is out! (Yay!) PLEASE keep writing your thoughts about the music! I'd like to create a piece that reflects best the life and story of Shallan Davar! Thank you, and more recordings coming! (Hopefully soon!) Edited April 7, 2020 by Spock 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spockledorf Posted April 13, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2020 I re-recorded what I have so far with Shallan's Theme, you can see it (and comment a lot easier!) on sound cloud: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1q9UGHReOF2wPzoFT6Q-ZcMrwcRIlmmyn 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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