Silverblade5 Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 For school, I recently wrote an essay on what I considered to be things that influence the strength and health of cultures. If anyone wants to read, they can do so here. Feedback would be appreciated. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dAAVdN3XMVGufvlt_seKD0bFYlUSD22jQni8aRxm5PY/edit 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tineye Navigator Posted March 1, 2018 Report Share Posted March 1, 2018 Great Essay. I've been taught that the most effective way to provide feedback is to ask ambiguous questions that a reader might have. 1. For the purposes that you have in mind, did you define culture at the appropriate spot in the essay? should it have been done sooner? later? 2. I don't know if you have any upper or lower page limits, but do you feel that you properly explained why cultures waxed and waned? 3. Why didn't you include a reference to Waxillium Ladrian and Wayne? 4. I assume from the essay that you are Christian. Do you think it might strengthen the argument you are trying to convey if you mention other religions, and the influence they have had on their cultures as well? 5. Do you feel like the essay ended with a strong conclusion? I personally don't feel like it ended with a strong conclusion that tied the whole essay together. 6. I loved the examples you used, especially about the Nazi's. Is there any way you can see to make that example more powerful? I didn't see anything, but I think that because it is such a good example, making it better, will make the whole essay even more powerful. Remember, more powerful doesn't necessarily mean longer, or more terse. It also doesn't necessarily mean more personable or relatable. It depends on the tone YOU want. 7. On page four, the sentence "They then created the Gestapo, who were responsible for secretly finding anyone who questioned Nazi ideology and reporting them to their masters, who would then order them deported as well." confused me. Maybe you could try re-wording it? 8. Like I said, overall great essay! It seems like you have great potential in the writing field. Keep being awesome! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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