Favorite Hoid/Wit quotes and scenes?

[DalinarsThrill he/him]

On my way to work this morning I was thinking of just how funny and, pardon the pun, witty Hoid is, especially in WoK's. He's one of the few characters iv'e read in any series that almost always makes me laugh out loud while also making me look deeper into his words to find the meaning behind them. Anyone have some favorite quotes or scenes with him? 

I work in the medical field and this one I hold near and dear to my heart....

 “I like to live every day like it's my last."
Shallan nodded.
"And by that I mean lying in a puddle of my own urine, calling for the nurse to bring me more pudding.” 

[Kaleid]

I quite liked his long winded insult at the start of the epilogue... Made poignant by the fact that no one understood it.

[Kered he/him]

@DalinarsThrill That's mine as well. My second would be pretty much his entire conversation with the Sleepless cremling. 

[+Harrycrapper]

Spoiler

I've always been a big fan of his speech at the end of WOK. The one where he was asking the guards what men valued and concluded that people value who was first and timeliness. And then Taln returns from his 4000 year stint in Damnation.

 

[DalinarsThrill he/him]

On 1/2/2018 at 5:06 PM, Harrycrapper said:

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I've always been a big fan of his speech at the end of WOK. The one where he was asking the guards what men valued and concluded that people value who was first and timeliness. And then Taln returns from his 4000 year stint in Damnation.

 

“Welcome lost one, he whispered”...gives me chills every time 

[Drag0nR3born]

Kaladin:    “What do you know?”
Wit:           “Almost everything. That almost part can be a real kick in the teeth sometimes.”
Kaladin:    “What do you want, then?”
Wit:           “What I can’t have.” Wit turned to him, eyes solemn. “Same as everyone else, Kaladin Stormblessed.”

 

And

(paraphrased) "Ah Brightlord *somebody*, testing the limits of human stupidity? How very empirical of you!"

[Jungah she/her]

"Try not to flirt with the girl," Wit whispered. "Young Adolin seems to be growing possessive. Or... what am I saying? Flirt with the girl, Kaladin. It might make the prince's eyes bulge."

[The Sovereign]

Possibly my favorite quote in anything Brandon has ever written, never mind quotes by Hoid specifically or even in the Cosmere:

Quote

"What is it that we value?" Wit whispered. "Innovation. Originality. Novelty. But most importantly... timeliness. I fear you may be too late, my confused, unfortunate friend."

 

[Jungah she/her]

I'm not sure whether this goes in an OB spoiler tag, but just in case:

Spoiler

Quote

"Like a fashionable dress, stupidity can be fetching in youth, but looks particularly bad on the aged. And unique as its properties may be, stupidity is frighteningly common. The sum total of stupid people is somewhere around the population of the planet. Plus one."

"Plus one?" Shallan asked.

"Sadeas counts twice."

"Um... he's dead, Wit."

"What?" Wit sat up straight.

"Someone murdered him. Er... we don't know who." Aladar's investigators had continued hunting the culprit, but the investigation had stalled by the time Shallan left. 

"Someone offed old Sadeas, and I missed it?"

"What would you have done? Helped him?"

"Storms, no. I'd have applauded."

 

 

[Jana.rao]

"The longer you live, the more you fail. Failure is the mark of alife well lived. In turn, the only way to live without failure is to be of no use to anyone."

-Wit, Oathbringer

[Kari he/him]

I just like the whole scene of him insulting people in WoK. At the party.

[+ElephantEarwax he/him]

I think this thread should have to OB tag or change forums. we are in the normal SA forum... 

[Lelouch Vi Britannia]

Yeah, the OP or whoever can edit the title should probably add that.

Anyway, my favorite scene was-

Minor OB Spoilers

Spoiler

His storytelling scene using Yolish lightweaving in whatever that city was called, which culminated in him falling silent at the end. People wanted more, but eventually dispersed, letting him talk to Shallan. 

Of course, his motivational speech to Shallan is up there too.

 

[rkae610]

I have two favorite Wit moments so far, both in WoR.

The first is in chapter 45, with the story about the blind men contemplating beauty. Personally, I found that to be an amazingly touching story and reference back to it often.

The second is in chapter 55, where he is the carriage driver and gets reactions from Kaladin, Adolin, and Shallan. It was simply hysterical.

[Bort he/him]

The Girl Who Stood Up. His entire conversation with Shallan.

[Ammanas]

6 hours ago, Bort said:

The Girl Who Stood Up. His entire conversation with Shallan.

Not to nitpick, but I think you meant The Girl Who Looked Up.

[Landis963 he/him]

34 minutes ago, Ammanas said:

Not to nitpick, but I think you meant The Girl Who Looked Up.

He's referring to the chapter title, with Hoid and Shallan talking.  The Girl Who Looked Up was the first iteration of the story, that Shallan told Pattern back in Urithiru.  

[Ammanas]

Ok Thanks!

[Emily she/her]

This seems to be primarily a SA thread, but practically the whole chapter in Secret History with Hoid in it...

Spoiler

“Perhaps you can help me with my predicament.”

“Alas,” the Drifter said. “Your case is hopeless.”

Kelsier felt his heart sink. 

“Yes, nothing to be done,” the Drifter continued. “You are, indeed, stuck with that face. By manifesting those same features in this side, you show that even your soul is resigned to you always looking like one ugly sonofa—“ 

It’s probably not my favourite but it is certainly a gem.

Also the fact that he 

Spoiler

Jumped into a Marabethian greatshell’s mouth “spending the greater part of a year being slowly digested” or something. 

 

Edited January 23, 2018 by Emily

[Stormlightning she/her]

Spoiler

 

"Why, Brightlord Amaram! I was hoping I'd be able to see you tonight. I've spent my life learning to make others feel miserable, and so it's a true joy to meet someone so innately talented in that very skill as you are."

"Do I know you?"

"No," Wit said lightly, "but fortunately, you can add it to the list of many, many things of which you are ignorant."

"But, now I've met you," Amaram said, holding out his hand. "So that list is one smaller."

"Please," Wit said, refusing the hang. "I wouldn't want it to rub off on me."

"It?"

"Whatever you've been using to make your hands look clean, Brightlord Amaram. It must be powerful stuff indeed."

...

"Where is [Brightness Navani]?"

"Staying away from you, obviously. Lucky woman."

"Wit," Dalinar said sternly. "Do you mind?"

"Rarely."

...

Dalinar: "Do you know what these say?"

"I wish I didn't."

"I could hit you in the head with a hammer," Wit said happily. "A good bludgeoning would make you forget and do wonders for that face of yours."

"Wit," Dalinar said flatly.

"I'm only joking."

"Good."

"A hammer would hardly dent that thick skull of his."

Amaram turned to Wit, a look of bafflement on his face.

"You're very good at that expression. A great deal of practice, I presume?"

...

"Why hasn't anyone killed him yet?"

"Dumb luck. In that I'm lucky you're all so dumb!"

 

Really, the whole scene above. Because it was such needed justice that Amaram have to deal with a torrent of Wit.

---

[Bort he/him]

"Brightlord Amaram, I salute you. You are what lesser cretins like Sadeas aspire to be."

[Totally_Not_A_Worldhopper she/her]

Probably not perfectly quoted, but:

"Those who deserve my mockery are those who can gain from it" 

And the whole 'Nothing Stupid' scene.

[Supreme King Z-arc he/him]

I can't remember it exactly bit the part where he warns shallan's about people who can see the future 

"Some men grow more..."

[galendo]

Okay, you know what my favorite Hoid scene is?

Fleet.

I appreciate that a lot of it rhymes, I like the story it tells, and I like its relation to Kaladin's predicament near the end of the book.  There aren't any jokes or gags, that I recall, but I think in a lot of ways that makes it even more powerful.