Musing for Hire

[Talanic he/him]

In the buildup to NaNoWriMo (still unsure if I'll do anything for it this year), I thought I'd try a little game.

 

Post a story idea that's been rankling at your mind and I'll try to be your muse.  I'll give you my gut reaction, the questions that it raises in my mind, and any concepts that I can come up with that seem like they might work.  Hopefully my response helps you think things through and possibly break through the blocks that might hold you back.

 

Everyone's free to participate here.  Dive on in.

[Amanuensis he/him]

As someone who is also debating whether or not I will participate in NaNoWriMo this year, and who is fervently trying to work out all the kinks for what I want to be my debut story, I appreciate your making of this thread very much.

 

So, depending on whether I make this a standalone novel or turn it into a duology, the tentative titles (for now) are From Dusk to Dawn and DUSK / DAWN, respectively.

 

It is a Third-Person Dystopian Fantasy that takes place on a world whose star was destroyed in an event known as the Schism a long time before the story’s beginning. Instead, Solar Remnants (the crystalline fragments of the sun’s core) are scattered across the surface of Sefont, allowing life to flourish within their divine aura. Beyond their light, abominations lurk in the darkness that divides Humanity’s remaining settlements.

 

These abominations were once the mortal creatures that inhabited the world before the Schism but have long been corrupted by a phenomena the survivors refer to as the Dark Plague, which more or less turns them into an undead hivemind. Humans that become abominations are called Wights and are characterized for being hairless, having colorless, scale-like skin, venomous fangs, sharp claws that never seem to stop growing, vertical-slitted pupils and eyes that shine red when exposed to light. They're malformed, akin to Lord Voldermort in Harry Potter (though more reptilian) and communicate with deep, guttural rattles.

 

Sefont is almost entirely a wetland. Apart from the occasional mountain/range, it is comprised of swamps, bogs, marshes and fens. As a result, the world’s ecology evolved into fish, amphibians, reptiles and insects, with an occasional family of mammals/monotremes. The Dark Plague affects the flora as well as the fauna, twisting the plant life until they are just as dangerous as the abominations.

 

Supposedly there is a place in the world where a massive Solar Remnant called the Beacon with an aura so powerful that an entire kingdom fits within it. This utopia is referred to as Dawn to those who live in the Dusklands, the general name for the haunted regions of the world that have minimal light. Whether or not people actually believe this correlates with how close they are to the Veil - the border between the “mortal realm and the infernal” (aka absolute darkness).

 

The story itself begins in a settlement completely isolated from any other in the furthest reaches of the Dusklands (maybe 100 klicks from the Veil, at most). Their Remnant is small (compared to most others) only standing 23 feet tall and producing a life bubble of approximately 7 square miles. When the Schism occurred Humanity had recently undergone an industrial renaissance, so their technology had progressed enough to produce proto-skyscrapers and automobiles. Because of the world’s environment, their vehicles are amphibious (think boats with tank treads). This settlement is unique in that it technically existed before the Schism, as the Remnant fell within close proximity of an estate that belonged to a wealthy scientist. For simplicities sake, I will call this settlement the Villa.

 

The Villa is led by a descendent of the estate’s original owner, to which the residents refer as the Wisdom. When the Schism occurred, this scientist dedicated his life to studying the Dark Plague and the abominations it produced. Throughout his lifetime and that of his descendents, they performed a wide variety of experiments (some more amiable than others). One such result of these experiments were the creation of the Halfwights - the product of a pregnant woman, who at a certain stage of fetal development, became infected with the Dark Plague, thus creating a mutated baby; sapient, but possessing many Wight-like qualities.

 

Much like the spartans would train their children into warriors at very young ages the Halfwights would be trained to explore the land beyond the Villa. Because one of their primary duties was to track and kill / capture the abominations, they were given the title Hunters (Halfwight is seen as an insult to their humanity nowadays). Because of the Hunters, the Wisdom / inhabitants of the Villa were able to learn a lot about their new world and find prosperity in it. However, after *an immeasurable amount of time because there’s no night or day*, their prosperity is coming to an end.

 

Over time, the Solar Remnants have been leaking/losing energy. It was hard to notice at first because of how slow/gradual the changes were, but at the time of the story’s beginning it is clear that their Remnant is on its final stretch, Its light is growing dimmer (shrinking their border) and it is producing less heat, weakening their crops and making them susceptible to illness. Based on their research, they fear they might only have couple more years to live before they can no longer support themselves, and only a few after that until it runs out entirely. They have no choice now but to start killing off the old to preserve resources or attempt a pilgrimage towards Dawn with hopes of finding a new place to call home, a subject which is causing a lot of heated debate at the beginning of the story.

 

I have a lot of plot elements worked out already, including a man with a Remnant no larger than a knife who traverses the Dusklands in search of people to save, and that the main character is a young Halfwight who has yet to have undergone his “initiation” which involves a trip to a nearby metropolis populated by swarms of Wights (and is also the son of the current Wisdom). He has a human brother and a love interest, both of which will provide their own drama to the tale.

 

On top of hearing your gut reaction and any questions / concepts you might have to offer, a few things I would like help on deciding are how many Hunters I should have currently (besides the main character, I only have one other fully developed, who is essentially his Obi Wan - either way I think there should be less of them that is typical, due to aforementioned weakening of their Remnant and the abominations becoming increasingly more aggressive). I have several humans in mind already but I would also like some help figuring out the types of characters that would develop in a society / situation like this, as well as interesting ideas for abominations.

There’s another extremely big detail I’m leaving out, but I almost entirely have that aspect figure out and will keep it to myself for spoiler reasons. But yeah, absolutely any input you (or anyone) can provide for me would be extremely useful.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Adavantos

[Talanic he/him]

Hmm.  Instant reaction is that if something managed to destroy their star, their civilization had to have been massively powerful to survive at all.  If they don't know how they survived, they probably turned more religious (which seems to be the case as reflected in the rest of your writeup).

 

Given the catastrophic nature of the Schism and its clear effects on trade, I'd be surprised to see an industrial society unless it's the result of a collapsed higher tech one.  Industry requires trade; you're not making any cars or tall buildings without tons and tons of metal, which means lots of mining for both fuel and ore.  Mountain settlements are crucial to this setting's economy (such as it is) because of the ore; given the bog-like nature of most of the planet, there's likely plenty of peat but most mines would flood easily.  If there was a higher tech society that collapsed, they'd be salvaging materials from it rather than trying to dig their own.  It just depends on the direction you want to take things.

 

Considering the description of the Remnants as crystalline, I'd suspect that they're actually diamond, which speaks of a star that's much, much older than our sun.  There's other elements they could be, but diamond is among the most likely.  Granted, could be artistic license on your part but it works nonetheless.  

 

I'm not sure that I'd classify the Wights as undead.  Leave them as abominations but let them still be living creatures, I'd say; as written here, there's no advantage to you to making them the walking dead, but plenty potential narrative for your Hunters if the Wights are slightly more sympathetic.  Also, by hive mind, do you mean that they're actually telepathic, or just that they behave in a manner similar to eusocial insects?  It's important for you to know which one.

 

I'm not sure I like the process of making a halfwight.  For one, it makes me care less about the people involved; sacrificing a woman and a child in order to get a member of the underclass to use as a soldier says to me that these people have crossed ethical lines.  I'd think it more intriguing perhaps if halfwights are children who were corrupted, then brought back from being abominations - possibly by direct exposure to the Solar Remnant, which most settlements can't manage because their bubble of light is too wide and the wights die before they reach the Remnant.

 

If their Remnant is dying, though, that raises bigger problems.  If one Remnant dies, then logically all Remnants will die, and they have no means of getting new ones; humanity is doomed in the relatively short term.  If it's a matter of size, then how does the knife-sized Remnant still work?  (Maybe he has to recharge it by touching it to other Remnants periodically?)

 

I get flashes of The Painted Man from this (a postapocalyptic fantasy dystopia where demons emerge from the ground at night, but rune circles can protect you).  That's fine.  

 

Given the fact that Hunters are difficult to create (whether by the original method or the one I propose), I'd have to understand how dependent these people are on the darkside world to survive.  A society's not going to function on the coal one person can carry on his back, or the fish that a dozen people can bring in from the endless night. Are Hunters only for killing the Abominations, and if so, why bother?  Before the Remnant started to fail, there was no need; humans stayed in the light and the light did not falter.

 

Hypothetical scenario.  A mine extends deep underground, so far that it eventually reaches the end of the bubble.  Are tunnels past that safe (considering that nothing can get in from the surface and no monsters are already in there), or do they need to be crewed by halfwight miners?

 

Have to go to work, but I hope that was a good start.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Talanic

[Amanuensis he/him]

Hmm.  Instant reaction is that if something managed to destroy their star, their civilization had to have been massively powerful to survive at all.  If they don't know how they survived, they probably turned more religious (which seems to be the case as reflected in the rest of your writeup).

 

Humans on Sefont worshiped the sun, believing that it was the physical manifestation of their god, for his its presence was what allowed life to begin in the first place. They consider their survival post-Schism a miracle, the result of a last ditch effort for their god to preserve existence, and therefore pray at the Remnants (fragments of his corpse) by extension (similar to how we go to an ancestor's gravestone to speak to them).

 

Given the catastrophic nature of the Schism and its clear effects on trade, I'd be surprised to see an industrial society unless it's the result of a collapsed higher tech one.  Industry requires trade; you're not making any cars or tall buildings without tons and tons of metal, which means lots of mining for both fuel and ore.  Mountain settlements are crucial to this setting's economy (such as it is) because of the ore; given the bog-like nature of most of the planet, there's likely plenty of peat but most mines would flood easily.  If there was a higher tech society that collapsed, they'd be salvaging materials from it rather than trying to dig their own.  It just depends on the direction you want to take things.

 

All of the industrialization occurred pre-Schism; though Sefont is mostly wetlands, it has enough mountains scattered about (and one rather massive range, though that's been lost beyond the Veil) to support the rapid development of technology upon their colonization many millennia ago. While the Villa is an exception because it was built pre-Schism, a vast majority of the other settlements required the humans to traverse the darkness to get there and build homes anew from what resources they could safely access in the area. Because of how dangerous it is to explore the Darkness as an ordinary human (and how rare Halfwights are) not much has been salvaged. Because you mention this, I might make bringing something of worth to bring back to the Villa from the nearby metropolis a part of the initiation.

 

Considering the description of the Remnants as crystalline, I'd suspect that they're actually diamond, which speaks of a star that's much, much older than our sun.  There's other elements they could be, but diamond is among the most likely.  Granted, could be artistic license on your part but it works nonetheless. 

 

This story takes place in a shared universe - one that, in a similar vein to the Cosmere, has its own rules when it comes to subjects like astrophysics). I want readers to think this way when first being introduced, however, because when how things actually work is revealed in other stories it'll help them understand what's going on here. As a result, just know I've got it covered. Thanks.

 

I'm not sure that I'd classify the Wights as undead.  Leave them as abominations but let them still be living creatures, I'd say; as written here, there's no advantage to you to making them the walking dead, but plenty potential narrative for your Hunters if the Wights are slightly more sympathetic.  Also, by hive mind, do you mean that they're actually telepathic, or just that they behave in a manner similar to eusocial insects?  It's important for you to know which one.

 

I used the phrasing more or less an undead hivemind as a way to drastically simplify what's going on here. I say undead because these abominations don't have heartbeats (their blood actually dries up over time), nor do they require air or food to survive. They simply continue to move, as if they were corpses being manipulated by a intangible force. At the same time, their bodies don't deteriorate over time like a corpse would. Besides minor mutations for non-Humans and the drastic physiological changes that go into making a Wight, abominations pretty much stay in the same physical state that they were when they became corrupted by the Plague. The main issue is the mind; that's what's lost. They become feral and zombie-like, in that they can only groan (or in this case, rattle), have a horde mentality and their only purpose seems to kill everything that isn't already dead/undead. The hivemind part of it comes from the intangible force aspect of it, in that after fighting the abominations for so long, the Hunter's have realized that they are capable of tactical coordination without any form of sensory communication.

 

I'm not sure I like the process of making a halfwight.  For one, it makes me care less about the people involved; sacrificing a woman and a child in order to get a member of the underclass to use as a soldier says to me that these people have crossed ethical lines.  I'd think it more intriguing perhaps if halfwights are children who were corrupted, then brought back from being abominations - possibly by direct exposure to the Solar Remnant, which most settlements can't manage because their bubble of light is too wide and the wights die before they reach the Remnant.

 

Really, only the mother is sacrificed, as the child/Halfwight certainly possesses all of the mental/emotional qualities that makes a human, well, human. It's just the physical aspect of them that's different (which becomes rather important to the theme later on when they come in contact with humans from other places than the Villa). There's a pseudo-scientific reason as to why the creation of a Halfwight can only occur during pregnancy. And while it is certainly considered a sacrifice for a mother to do this, it is never forced upon them; it is actually considered an honor that only they can choose (though I'm sure some women may have been heavily pressured by their society in the past), as through their sacrifice they have a chance to ensure the survival of their kin.

 

If their Remnant is dying, though, that raises bigger problems.  If one Remnant dies, then logically all Remnants will die, and they have no means of getting new ones; humanity is doomed in the relatively short term.  If it's a matter of size, then how does the knife-sized Remnant still work?  (Maybe he has to recharge it by touching it to other Remnants periodically?)

 

That is exactly the problem with the Remnants; all of them have been draining, albeit painfully slow, over time. The Dusklands themselves have been shrinking, even, though no one but those that exist on the vary outer edge realize this (the Veil used to be a lot further than the Villa). This detail becomes particularly relevant in the second half of the story. In regards to the knife-sized Remnant, that is actually a very good guess. Considering how aware the residents of the Villa are of the Remnants, it's very likely the Wisdom - if not the another - would ask the wanderer the same question. In a sense, you are right (Remnants naturally reabsorb some of the energy they let out, so having it in close proximity to another would help recharge it a little - this also contributes to how slowly the leak), but there is a different reason as to why it continues to work. Essentially the character who wields it can channel a portion of his soul through it, causing it to light up - the more he concentrates, the brighter/warmer it gets).

 

Given the fact that Hunters are difficult to create (whether by the original method or the one I propose), I'd have to understand how dependent these people are on the darkside world to survive.  A society's not going to function on the coal one person can carry on his back, or the fish that a dozen people can bring in from the endless night. Are Hunters only for killing the Abominations, and if so, why bother?  Before the Remnant started to fail, there was no need; humans stayed in the light and the light did not falter.

 

Most settlements have enough land/water to farm resources, and plenty of animals survived the Schism, as in terms of where they fell there was much more wildlife close by to flock to it before the Dark Plague could take hold of them. Halfwights are not commonly known through the Dusklands (I haven't necessarily decided whether or not the Villa is the only place to have discovered them / integrated them into their mini society), but for them they are particularly important do to the fact that the Villa was walled off, thus preventing more creatures from fleeing there. Besides the already domesticated animals that were kept there prior to the Schism, most of their meat is obtained from hunting abominations. Because this isn't necessary in most of the settlements, they are considerably more ignorant of the outside world compared to the residents of the Villa. In regards to the Wights, the Hunters avoid killing them (because one of the goals of the Wisdom is to find a cure for someone whose been taken by the Plague fully) and refuse to eat (because everyone considers that cannibalism despite their current state). Fortunately, at least where the Villa is, most Wights are confined with the walls of the nearby metropolis.

 

Hypothetical scenario.  A mine extends deep underground, so far that it eventually reaches the end of the bubble.  Are tunnels past that safe (considering that nothing can get in from the surface and no monsters are already in there), or do they need to be crewed by halfwight miners?

 

The natural wildlife of Sefont is not necessarily the same as Earth's, so there may exist creatures (haven't decided yet) who might burrow through stone, and therefore would populate the dark regions of the mines. However, assuming that I don't introduce something like that, they don't HAVE to be crewed by Halfwights to be mined; the miners would just have to change shifts frequently enough that they heal up from any exposure to the Dark Plague, which they would be susceptible to even in that environment. So a society like that could function without the need of Halfwights.

 

Have to go to work, but I hope that was a good start.

 

It was. You gave me a few solid ideas for the direction I want to go with settlements they might run into during their pilgrimage and a couple scenes that I absolutely need to include to foreshadow future events, both in this story and those that take place on other worlds.

[Talanic he/him]

All right.  So the mothers of halfwights are volunteer only; that edges it out of despicable territory, but the people had better appreciate the halfwights for their service.  Nobody would volunteer to die in order to make their child a member of a despised underclass, after all.

 

I explained your premise aloud to my wife, and her reactions (other than the ones that were similar to mine) included noting that halfwight, said aloud, has some unfortunate implications.  I know you're probably invested in the term but you might want to find some other term.

 

I was thinking that the people would probably eat little to no meat that wasn't from abominations, as meat agriculture usually uses far too much land.  Chicken (or similar) wouldn't be unheard-of.

 

And yes, if the Remnants are draining, they either need to A. figure out a way to recharge them, B. figure out a way to fix the sun (assumed impossible to their level of resources), C. find a new planet (again, impossible), or D. establish a society of 100% halfwights that could survive the loss of the Remnants.  Given the information that I have, that's the only options I can come up with - unless this is the sad tale of how everyone died and it all was horrible forever.  I don't like that tale, so I hope not.

 

Lastly, I suspect there's no good reason to assume that the Solar Remnants only wound up on Sefont and are also scattered throughout the space around the planet (which is no longer in a solar system, if we're being precise).  Thousands of points of light added to the sky...most of them invisible if you're near a Remnant, but shining clearly enough if you're not.  These lights might be pretty, but they would lack a stable orbit among the fragments of the solar system, making their positions impossible to predict and seriously complicating attempts to navigate by starlight.  To the point that I'd expect "Stars and Shards!" to be an exclamation of confusion and frustration among people living near the Dusk.

 

To people living far inside settlements, stars would be things they'd heard of, but never seen, of course.

[Amanuensis he/him]

All right.  So the mothers of halfwights are volunteer only; that edges it out of despicable territory, but the people had better appreciate the halfwights for their service.  Nobody would volunteer to die in order to make their child a member of a despised underclass, after all.

 

To the residents of the Villa the Hunters are not considered an underclass, but highly respected / revered as the communities protectors, despite their unnerving appearance. This is actually an instigator in the conflict between Elahk (the main character) and Khael (his older brother / the Wisdom's Heir). It's just when they get introduced to other communities that the prejudice surfaces (though it's more of a "Kill the abomination!" than anything else.

 

I explained your premise aloud to my wife, and her reactions (other than the ones that were similar to mine) included noting that halfwight, said aloud, has some unfortunate implications.  I know you're probably invested in the term but you might want to find some other term.

 

Not particularly invested in the term. If anything I might throw it in there on seldom occasions, but I typically refer to them as Hunters. Unhuman is probably a more common insult I'd use for them, to prevent the obvious racial implications, due to them being deprived of a lot of physical human-like qualities.

 

I was thinking that the people would probably eat little to no meat that wasn't from abominations, as meat agriculture usually uses far too much land.  Chicken (or similar) wouldn't be unheard-of.

 

Freshwater fish and creatures that resemble chickens, rabbits and rats are the staple of most Duskland settlements. The Villa relies on abominations mostly, however, and Dawn has a much larger quantity and variety of things to eat.

 

And yes, if the Remnants are draining, they either need to A. figure out a way to recharge them, B. figure out a way to fix the sun (assumed impossible to their level of resources), C. find a new planet (again, impossible), or D. establish a society of 100% halfwights that could survive the loss of the Remnants.  Given the information that I have, that's the only options I can come up with - unless this is the sad tale of how everyone died and it all was horrible forever.  I don't like that tale, so I hope not.

 

A: It's very much possible that some people have already figured out how to do this, though it isn't much of a solution in the long run. B: I'm trying to imagine how such a feat could be accomplished. C: Unless a society from another system (or systems) comes to their rescue (which would be a very unsatisfying ending), this doesn't seem lucky. D: Actually never considered that, and would actually be interesting. Every Unhuman born so far has been male, but if an Unhuman female were ever to be born, could they breed? That's the kind of question I want people to ask after the story is said and done. I already have the ending / solution to this problem figured out, but one would wonder...

 

Lastly, I suspect there's no good reason to assume that the Solar Remnants only wound up on Sefont and are also scattered throughout the space around the planet (which is no longer in a solar system, if we're being precise).  Thousands of points of light added to the sky...most of them invisible if you're near a Remnant, but shining clearly enough if you're not.  These lights might be pretty, but they would lack a stable orbit among the fragments of the solar system, making their positions impossible to predict and seriously complicating attempts to navigate by starlight.  To the point that I'd expect "Stars and Shards!" to be an exclamation of confusion and frustration among people living near the Dusk.

 

That is actually something I did not consider. I mean, I knew not all of them landed on Sefont, but I had forgot to think about the stellar implications of them floating around too. To the Hunters and the Wanderer who venture the Dusklands, they'd probably recognize the difference as the shards would look like shooting stars while the actual stars are stagnate. They would certainly interfere with navigation, which I can use as a plot device at some point. Another thing I didn't consider is the possibility one of these falling onto Sefont much later than the rest. Will have to see if I can do something with that. Also, "Stars and Shards!" is a very fitting exclamation; I went with the term Remnants to avoid seeming too cosmere-influenced, however this would be a nice way for me to reference Brandon's work.