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Three Word Story, part 2


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This needs no introduction.

I would note that you really should pay attention about the grammar the previous person posted. There's a saying in improv that you never contradict what the previous person said, no matter how dumb it is. Same holds true here, even for grammar.

Edited by Chaos
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. "What's with the

So, guys, for purposes of maybe a little continuity, but mostly for the lulz, I have transcribed the entirety of the Three Word Story Part 1! Here goes!

One day, Chaos2651 was dodging coins because mathematical law clearly states that it greatly benefits from desert gorillas. The Bolzano-Weierstrass Theorem has no relevance to rational numbers which become irrational or anything else. But it’s cool to not know that Ninja Monkeys can kill you. So Chaos decided to become a time-travelling cross-dressing cabaret body-part regeneration specialist except he failed.

So now he eats the planet made of jiggly puffs. Meanwhile, KChan pwned Pirate Llamas on top Shivertongue’s red, white and blue pony. So now he awakened his Sharigan eye, Naruto! However, it was obviously a magnificent little baby pokemon and mommy digimon. The father was a Steel Inquisitor and the mother was Garurumon. It turned into a pot of coffee made out of rotting balsa wood.

Ruin said caffeine was all according to Feruchemical principles and cheesecake should be killed. Because he’s evil. Meanwhile, Breeze was messing with HOID who was not guarding a lerasium inside of the frozen heart of the Ice King. Internet Explorer died with a bullet made of pure Chromium. Chaos reacted with a lack of filial responsibility.

As we all expected, David Hasslehoff came to the bakery where Eerongal was eating muffins gratuitously awaiting his execution. He had ninety minutes to compose rock operas with nothing buy a fax machine. Blaring sounds of crushed papaya horns made him sneeze causing head-splitting pain. It was trippy. Reeling in agony, he stumbled towards Hrathen’s grave, muttering in a crazed voice about sheep.

There he sobbed out a jaunty barbershop song along side of Rubix. Megatron was there but was pwned by a pansy who was wearing rainbow toe socks and a tiara with neon green glitter. However, he did not sparkle. And as the gay twilight vampire was about to be decapitated by Buffy, Vampire Slayer, Chaos declared, “Monkeys fling poop not ideological insults, anyways.”

And there was much rejoicing. When Chaos turned around, he saw a giant toad demon! A severed head piled with anchovies stared blankly into the Adonalsium vault. Chaos punched the cthullu face for 9001 points damage which is technically an overused meme so it didn’t amuse anyone. Meanwhile, the end of human civilization as a means of producing pickles and Doofenshmirtz Aluminum Siding(!) was caused by a very sharp butter knife.

Meanwhile, a giant caterpillar ate one apple, but was still hungry so he ate Chaos’ kandra which tasted like Cheetos, go figure. TenSoon was mad his plan was thwarted by a very unorthodox style of Digimon based crazy machete wielding.

As blood spattered through the rainbow Pirate Monkey Clan, fourteen small children ate lots of pie flavored cuisine. They had never eaten it before so they puked a rainbow colored pile of chicken flavored ramen. Nevetheless, they continued eating, mostly because they were afraid of what would happen if they looked behind the purple curtain. Their mom had always told them to stab chaos in the void and Eerongal lunged in between and got stabbed because spoilers create great race cars stuck in pudding but they still are the best at running races in outer space.

When Eerongal stabbed himself in the nose, Silus tried to stop the badgers from eating his favorite cookies, “Back, badgers, back!” but Silus saw a giant, misfigured Shardblade-wielding Koloss screaming “I EAT YOU!”

So Silus proposed to the Koloss. The koloss naturally was badger attacked, but accepted Silus as his first and only love. The wedding was sadly filled with lots of crying, mostly because the heart of Silus is black as a randy Inquisitor’s pet named Andrew. No one understood that the bride was really upset because (s)he had syphilis, and didn’t want Silus to be infected with the bubonic plague.

Fortunately for Silus, some Mistborn assassinated him so he haunted 17th Shard members. Calling upon the Shard of Ruin, Silus’ spirit cursed his bride with the dreaded fate of eating pickled Rocky Mountain Oysters. Meanwhile, a new challenger has appeared! Mycoltbug rose up to exact his dreaded petunia salad upon the world’s picnic going community as they made their way to the fifteenth dock away from Nicaragua.

Nevertheless, there was a giant indigo unicorn ready to slaughter them all, gumdrop mountain was ablaze with chocolate covered bacon bars. On the slopes of the toffee a dragon was gorging itself on strawberry gumdrops when a sack full flaming rum bananas plummeted from the airplane driven by dragon-hating mermaid priestesses. The cat saw a huge chimera coming for the smallest of the snorkeling demonic tu-tus and Andrew decided to eat cheesecake. Stomach acid started to eat away the cheesecake’s deliciousness. Unfortunately the cheesecake was made of Stormlight, so Andrew became terminally ill. Miraculously, Andrew recovered.

However, he was impaled by a anti-healing spike of adamantium, which left a huge, gaping infected wound, that would never heal and fester eternally. Thus Andrew was horribly crippled and cursed the shards causing them to combust due to Andrew’s sheer awesomeness. Eerongal did take sick and die. However he was resurrected by large unruly monks who used him for their supreme leader.

As long as the parmesan was fine, spaghetti will continue to flourish. So much potential marinara energy wasted by digestive disorders. Because of this Eerongal died again. Never to be killed again, resurrection just plain sucks! Chaos, using his pentacle, summoned Silus who immediately became encircled by the great powers of the indestructible neverearth. Eerongal was disintegrated but reformed instantly.

As Emeralis blinked, Eerongal disintegrated again, but reintegrated, naturally. And disintegrated permanently, becoming pure energy. Manipulating pure energy, Eero became all-eternal but completely bound. Andrew’s torment increased knowing that his pain constantly increases. Eerongal short-circuited because being bound exterminates electronics, not energy. Emerails futile attempts empowered Eerongal further. Angering a bound he absorbed Emeralis. Gurgle gurgle blop!

It was then that the bandersnatch decided that the future is in true Technicolor broadcasts. “In your hands, the world’s essentially really big, yo,” broadcasted the bandersnatch as it vigorously turned the tables. Suddenly, there appeared a Crumple-horned Snorkack. It was quite devilish for the sixth time that such a thing could eat so many garbanzo beans in so large buckets of food-ish looking substances.

They weren’t edible because monkeys flung way too much of Chaos’ special death inflicting flamingo bombs into the face of the bandersnatch. The percent of bandersnatch drool that fell into the abyss of everlasting happiness and kittens caused havoc among the mushroom clans of the nineteenth kitten. “Staplers!” cried Andrew, before deciding it was ridiculous to cry “staplers, how dare you throw your money into a large video game called World of Warcraft when you could transmogrify the noodles with quantum mechanics that caused much ninth degree hatred of the higgs-boson because people hate physics. The planck constant hurts people’s brains, most likely because they would rather eat some cereal made of gold that caused them to turn into an alternative type of eevee evolution with giant shardblades made of cheez-its and great monkeys causing them to eat lots of jello pudding flavored which was good for the monkeys to smack will in the face with.”

Meanwhile, the unsnapped Mistborn llamas were really tall except when they drank Dr. Pepper, which caused them to burn atium in reverse which caused the mists to regenerate becoming Preservation’s mighty waffle.

Seeing the waffle, Ruin fled Scadrial with the pink unicorns of doom trampling Eric flat. Eric resurrected himself and then exploded. And Odium wandered through the desert wondering “where’s my evil henchman Will?” because the coffee needed more cream and exploding cats decided not to explode.

Will, however, ate Umbreon’s dinner which caused Umbreon to summon Hoid who decided to laugh at us for being idiots and stole everyone’s favorite theories and run-on sentences. Which was good until the enormous pokemon overlord destroyed all of the desserts in my magic Narnia wardrobe which pissed off Aslan a lot because he was rather fond of slinkies and cheese.

They cause the death of the really weirdly named Emeralis00. Also, gloves like flamespren, and don’t have the carcass of the inexplicably roasted flying thing named Andrew. After eating the cookies of doom, doom followed the cheese cup cakes baked by Ruin to get high. Which Preservation hated because he giggled like a monkey on phazon steroids all night, and large smiley faces got painted on the wrong end of his neighbor’s angry Great Dane of doom snakes and then they ate cheese snakes because they wanted to go to the macaroni factory and eat all of the delicious assassinating ninja monkeys and then afterwards the zombies would attack Ruin’s pie because cake is a lie, and all pies should always explode spectacularly because ice cream is secretly an agent in disguise who plans to take over the Well of Ascension and rule the Final Empire.

Crusty pie crusts contain lots of cheese. Non crusty pie crusts are pretty bad have Feruchemical properties and Tacomantic powers, which hated Chalupalurgy and wanted to create Mistborn cows with the power to kill people and then steal their baggy trousers.

The only problem was that the Mistborn llamas didn’t use any spikes when they tried making cow Inquisitors, so everything exploded. It was a dark dark night, and stormy too, like a Highstorm in the middle of the Shattered Plains. However, they had enormous q-tip swords that they used to defend themselves from the phlipindricull (which actually means a metaphysical reference. But then again, Hoid likes to juggle monkey brains to make people drink Dr Pepper through a straw, a crazy straw made of licorice that turned their insides pink and bestowed Soulcasting powers which made them sprout flowers from their heads. Then they mutated into giant sentient cucumbers that L deduced was conspicuously absent from the food.

But then again L never knew that Light had gone to the Shinigami Realm through the polka-dot door in the cabinet. But then Dumbledore killed the other nineteen leaders of the revolution of doom and bunny slippers and, ugly twin sisters looking for alespren in the bottom of Lake Luthadel. Then they fell in and got soaked.

Endowment had big round stones to Awaken into men and take over all of Nalthis but then Kaladin speared Endowment. The awesomeness of this caused the universe to scream hysterically while flipping the middle finger at the High Inquisitor. Meanwhile, on the Shattered Plains, Adolin was eating spaghetti through a straw when somebody threw a large wombat which landed on Elantris’ wall which woke up Sarene as a thing came crashing through the Oathpact’s walls and screamed, “Why did you eat that stuff? It’s disgusting!” And then Raoden killed KChan who then Returned and made out with Renarin and Kaladin atop an imaginary dream cloud. All hell broke. Meanwhile, Comatose and Chaos did LSD whilst watching hyperbole and shouting to Cultivation to bring more cheesy popcorn.

Meanwhile, an explosion happened in Luthadel which killed Dennoux. What happened next is absolutely scandalous and rated XXX. “Oh my,” said Phyra, as she got ninjaed by an army of Kaylen and Niro. “Somehow or other we have to make some stuff,” said the zombie. So they made a giant wagon the spongebob way and rode off into the sunset.

“What a crazy adventure this was!” said Kelsier as the King’s Wit gave him a crazy ludicrous story about pink hippopotamuses. “There once was a pink hippopotamus who wanted to rule the world however he kept posting on forums instead of plotting which is bad because he was a giant hippo spending too much money on diamond,” said Hoid.

The Highprinces all laughed because of hippos and then Hoid continued the story: “So the hippos ate lots of ramen noodles and Parshendi bean soup which gave them the ability to turn into Parshendi and kill everybody. Then the real Hoid opened his hand and threw thumbtacks at their expensive designer chairs.

Eggbeater Jones, meanwhile, ate an egg and some pancakes. But, one egg escaped the table and Humpty Dumpty set fire to that stupid wall and laughed evilly as it spread to the king and his horse and his men and the orphanage. The retirement home exploded in a baby wave of evil cement mixers filled with chocolate. The suddenly a wave of babies did not appear.

It surprised everyone. So then Kelsier killed So-and-so, Whats-her-face, and nobody cared since public computers don’t allow for that kind of extreme wonky Wonka-ness with magic candy and oompa loompas and annoying songs and run-on sentences. Full of nuts, and crossbow bolts. While this was a devastating Highstorm carrying ice cream the uranium gnomes had inserted into orange rubber hoses with a hammer.

Then some Elantrians decided to make a giant cake. You said the frosting wall was all sticky and hard to spread. So Brandon went ahead and made some colorful exploding cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles made of TNT and run-on sentences that went on ignoring people’s punctuation since it annoyed everybody and their dog too when it suddenly ended except it didn’t but then ANOTHER mockingbird of DOOM pecked Silus’s eyes on the monitor which hurt the glass screen. There once was carrots that tap danced to the tune of the Nutcracker who was actually created by Bavadin to kill Odium and Swan Lake was Odium’s counterattack! Cultivation created Coppelia for purposes of making Odium wear a pooch skirt and feather boa lined with poisonous blocks of dirt and noxious piles of TARDIS juice.

Then the boa decided that it didn’t want to around the neck of the big Verb Removal Machine. Then a broken spoke Yoda like. And everybody else killed the random acts of striking words from the words from the guy next to that other guy who was wearing another guy’s pink sequiny ballet shoes.

Then Natalie Portman was eaten by my flirty side after flirting with Natalie Portman’s doppleganger which was why Sazed got angry enough to say: “I’m sick of” He was interrupted by censored words which tended to spontaneously combust into Explosion Wednesday material which exploded spectacularly due to explodium created by Odium because Rayse was really grumpy due to the overwhelming annoyance of Aona’s pet Yorkshire terrier.

Though it was such a pity that I died and eye scream for ice cream! The truck went up the down escalator in the Empire State Building which may not be involved in the mysterious vanishing Kinder egg surprise that explode when surprised.

They did eat many lavender hard candies and spit on delicious furniture in the middle of day for purposes unknown. Then the Evil Reptilian Overlords went ahead and took over the entire cosmere then lost to a drunken coinshot who shot boxings covered in fuzzy tears. Once felled the overlords rolled into a vat of wet crem which dissolved their crinkled extremities that had been covered in purple pupae. Interestingly enough, there had actually been a need for sentence structure.

The number 42 was pretty sweet in that it had cheesy kids cloned from a smelly mouse queen. Then the Radiants stole Pokemon Black because it was illegally sold by the Parshendi mafia in order to enslave the fans. This was secretly public. Elsewhere twenty aggravated Veden scholars raged within several hours of your fancy frontpage launch that disappeared immediately but actually didn’t. “It’s a conspiracy!” exclaimed Silus.

Then, who was attacked by bad grammar? Why, no one! On the other foot, the rest of the forumites wanted the story to make sense of the end.”

Wow, Hoid must have been high as a kite.

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