20150412 - Fruits of the Gods Ch11 (4145) - Mandamon

[Mandamon he/him]

You get a whole chapter this week!

Previously:
Kisare and Belili escaped their captivity on the Aricaba plantation, along the way finding that Belili has a lock of magical hair colored brown, enabling her to use the Fruit that grows in their land to do magic.  They meet up with Hbelu, prince of the displaced Asha-Urmana people, and plan to work in his village, building a new life.  However their old master attacks with his guards.  The village fends him off, though he vows to return.  Hbelu, the elders, and Kisare and Belili hold a council, and Hbelu decides they must travel to Karduniash to activate the seeds.  Kisare discovers she has some color in her hair as well.  They start the journey to Karduniash, accompanied by Hbelu, Zikar, and Nidintu, but are soon ambushed a few days out from the village by Aricaba-Ata and Enti-Ilzi.  Belili and Kisare escape, but Hbelu is captured.  The sisters, with the advice of the scout, decide to follow the noble’s trail.  They come across a town and decide to dye their hair to disguise themselves as Asha-Urmana to search the town for Hbelu.

Let me know what you think.

[rdpulfer he/him]

- Right off the bat, I like Kisare getting angry about her system getting thrown off. It's a very subtle thing which says a lot about her personality and organization skills.

 

- It's a little hard distinguishing whose POV this chapter is from in the first few lines. Bel is mentioned first, but we are hearing Kisare's reaction, so it's tough to see if we are seeing Kisare directly or just Bel's reaction to Kisare. 

 

- Good job showing why Kisare wants to save Hbelu. It could be a cover for other reasons, but it still seems practical from her standpoint.

 

- I like that Bel picks up on how the town is set up. It shows her skills in comparison to Kisare's.

 

- I also like Gemeti comparing Kisare to a cat trying to get a mouse.

 

- I really like what Gemeti brings to the table. I'm really interesting to know what her exact motivations are. 

 

Overall, this chapter brought some interesting revelations to the fold, especially with regards to Hbelu's plans. I can't wait to read the next chapter. 

[Robinski he/him]

Hmm, interesting. So now Reading Excuses has caught up with Start Write Now - I might actually have a quandary about whether to read ahead here or stick to 3k words a week on SWN. Let's see, would I like to have the advantage over James and Drew by knowing what is coming next? Of course I would!!!!

[Mandamon he/him]

I figured that would give you a quandary, Robinski ;-)  I really hated splitting this chapter up, since it all works well together.

 

@rdpulfer: I really liked Gemeti when she became a character.  You'll find out more about her soon!  Glad you picked up on all the little interactions.  Hopefully that means I achieved what I wanted in the characterization.

Good point on the first few sentences.  I'll see if I can clear that up.

[Esaias he/him]

.The way this starts it’s not very clear whose viewpoint this chapter is in.

 

She was familiar with her hair being bleached, and dying wasn't too different.

 

I know this is just a typo, but it made me laugh.

 

Why did he have to get caught? He could have rescued either her or Bel, but no, he had to be self-sacrificing and let them go free. It was infuriating.

 

This made me laugh too.

 

I knew someone was going to discover them, comes from reading too much.

Gemeti is interesting and very confusing. Looking forward to learning more about her.

I like the contrast between Kisare and Bel. I think it works well with the switching viewpoints.

 

Looking forward to finding out what happens nexta

[Mandamon he/him]

Ha!  Thanks for catching that, gwslow.  "Dyeing" is a strange word to type.

 

Glad you like the contrast between the POVs.  You'll find out some more about Gemeti next time.