Mandamon he/him Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 Previously:Kisare and Belili escaped their captivity on the Aricaba plantation, along the way finding that Belili has a lock of magical hair colored brown, enabling her to use the Fruit that grows in their land to do magic. They meet up with Hbelu, prince of the displaced Asha-Urmana people, and plan to work in his village, building a new life. However their old master attacks with his guards. The village fends him off, though he vows to return. Hbelu, the elders, and Kisare and Belili hold a council, and Hbelu decides they must travel to Karduniash to activate the seeds. While they prepare to leave, Belili and Kisare have a chance to live normal lives for a few days, and discover Kisare has some color in her hair as well. They start the journey to Karduniash, accompanied by Hbelu, Zikar, and Nidintu, but are ambushed soon out of the village by Aricaba-Ata and Enti-Ilzi. Belili and Kisare escape, but Hbelu is captured.Thanks for any comments! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esaias he/him Posted March 30, 2015 Report Share Posted March 30, 2015 I’m not sure about Nidintu showing up, giving them their quest, and then disappearing. I think I’d prefer it if they came to a decision on their own. Also, it’s kind of weird that Nidintu would give them the more difficult job when she’s probably more qualified (I could be wrong). Anyways, that was the only thing that stood out for me. I really like the rest. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdpulfer he/him Posted April 2, 2015 Report Share Posted April 2, 2015 - It seems a little odd that Beli isn't a little concerned with Hbelu. Of the sisters, she seemed to be getting along with the prince. I do like Beli calling out Kisa on her change of heart about the villagers, but I'm not sure it makes sense for Beli to be the complete opposite - apathetic - in this case. I can understand her wanting to get a fresh start, just maybe not that extreme. - I have to agree with gwslow that Nidintu showing up is a bit too random. Why wouldn't she just send the sisters back to the village to warn them about the attack, while she focused on saving Hbelu (unless she for some reason expects them to fail?) Those are my thoughts anyway. - I like the information in the Appendix about the origins, yield and abilities of each Fruit. I also liked that it's from the point of view of the philosopher, so it seems in keeping with the book's tone instead of a simple info-dump. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski he/him Posted April 2, 2015 Report Share Posted April 2, 2015 I also liked that it's from the point of view of the philosopher, so it seems in keeping with the book's tone instead of a simple info-dump. Well, that's me told (sorry, in joke). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski he/him Posted April 2, 2015 Report Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) By the way, Mandamon, I'm a babsk now (whatever that is), so no longer under your thumb :op Edited April 2, 2015 by Robinski 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamon he/him Posted April 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) @ gwslow and rdpulfer: I now have a 3:1 ratio of readers who don't agree with Nidintu showing up...It made sense to me when I wrote it, but looks like I need to go back and figure out what to change. Good catch about no reaction from Belili with regard to Hbelu's capture. I'll edit that. - I like the information in the Appendix about the origins, yield and abilities of each Fruit. I also liked that it's from the point of view of the philosopher, so it seems in keeping with the book's tone instead of a simple info-dump. Oops! A didn't actually mean to submit this part, but good to have a reaction to it anyway. There are minor spoilers for the end of the book, but not that much. Glad to have a differing opinion from Robinski ;-) By the way, Mandamon, I'm a babsk now (whatever that is), so no longer under your thumb :op I'll just have to plan to get to a "high babsk"... Edited April 2, 2015 by Mandamon 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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