+Slowswift he/him Posted February 23, 2015 Report Share Posted February 23, 2015 (edited) This is a (very) short story I wrote last year for my creative writing class, and I thought I'd share it with all of you. Comments and criticism are welcome. Please keep in mind that this version hasn't been revised much. Gesundheit Edited February 27, 2015 by Slowswift 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lindel he/him Posted February 23, 2015 Report Share Posted February 23, 2015 I like it! Fun characters, amusing concept. Twinkle kinda reminds me of Nightblood. No major critiques from me. "eyes watering and covered in blankets," sounds like his eyes are covered in blankets. Not sure if that's what you envisioned. There's probably a better way of describing what you mean here. Maybe show Fred untangling himself instead of telling us he's covered in blankets? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChullRider he/him Posted February 28, 2015 Report Share Posted February 28, 2015 Love it! Keep revising it, maybe add some more story to it, and perhaps get it published. I also agree with what Lindel said, the part about Nightblood. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Slowswift he/him Posted March 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2015 @Lindel: Glad you enjoyed it! I can't remember if I was intentionally going for a Nightblood vibe or not, but yes, the two are similar! I suppose it does rather seem like his eyes are covered in blankets. Huh. @ChullRider: Thanks! Publishing, though... perhaps once I've written more short stories, I can publish a collection. We'll see. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChullRider he/him Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 @Lindel: Glad you enjoyed it! I can't remember if I was intentionally going for a Nightblood vibe or not, but yes, the two are similar! I suppose it does rather seem like his eyes are covered in blankets. Huh. @ChullRider: Thanks! Publishing, though... perhaps once I've written more short stories, I can publish a collection. We'll see. That's not such a bad idea. Keep on making those short stories, though. They're great! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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