Question 7

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

That's not even considering the Mirror Pool. Get Rainbow Dash enthused with some Equestrian patriotic spirit, laden her with improvised explosives, send her into the Mirror Pool, and you have a royal air force capable of obliterating any enemy in ten seconds flat.

And if things ever get really hopeless, you could always do the same thing with Discord.

[Kobold King he/him]

And if things ever get really hopeless, you could always do the same thing with Discord.

 

Or Celestia herself, for that matter.

 

Really, King Hanat. What were you thinking?

 

 

(Is What Happened Outside of Canon: Equestria an actual possibility? 'Cuz that could be really fun.)

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Or Celestia herself, for that matter.

Really, King Hanat. What were you thinking?

(Is What Happened Outside of Canon: Equestria an actual possibility? 'Cuz that could be really fun.)

Why don't we have both? *evil grin*

(I'm thinking I'll take off the subtitle there so we can just go crazy.)

[Edgedancer he/him]

Why don't we have both? *evil grin*

(I'm thinking I'll take off the subtitle there so we can just go crazy.)

Throw Luna in there as well.

 

And then the entire thread was formed by using pony comics instead of written word.

[Seonid he/him]

You know, when there are nearly 200 posts since the last time I read this, I'm not even going to try...

 

Good job, guys!

[Edgedancer he/him]

You know, when there are nearly 200 posts since the last time I read this, I'm not even going to try...

 

Good job, guys!

Yeah, we went kind of crazy since the idea of a non canon thread and Astoria starting. Did you intend to join Astoria? Otherwise I don't think anythink of greater significance was talked about.

[Seonid he/him]

I intend to eventually join Astoria, but I have a storyline in The Dalles to wrap up first.

 

It involves sending Ari's dragon flying away somewhere, and The Lizard seeing it as it goes. Since his power lets him shapechange into any type of reptile he's seen (and to mix and match properties...), well, that would bring his power up to Astoria's level. Maybe. I'd have to actually go and review his powerset. And the powersets of other Astorian Epics. He still might be too underpowered.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I intend to eventually join Astoria, but I have a storyline in The Dalles to wrap up first.

It involves sending Ari's dragon flying away somewhere, and The Lizard seeing it as it goes. Since his power lets him shapechange into any type of reptile he's seen (and to mix and match properties...), well, that would bring his power up to Astoria's level. Maybe. I'd have to actually go and review his powerset. And the powersets of other Astorian Epics. He still might be too underpowered.

All Epics are underpowered compared to Metronome.

[Sirce Luckwielder he/him]

Am I the only one who wonders what the Listeners are?

I suppose we shall just have to find out. That being said, I figure that they are people in each city that work on figuring out who Epics are, why they work, classifying their powers, and, most importantly, finding their weaknesses. Or they could just simply be the underground, maybe working for Epics for some money, maybe not. They could just stay low, or they could rebel if given the opportunity. You will all just have to wait and see.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Edge, would Lucentia be opposed to the Financier conducting marriage ceremonies at the Sacred Outhouse of Zero?

[Edgedancer he/him]

Edge, would Lucentia be opposed to the Financier conducting marriage ceremonies at the Sacred Outhouse of Zero?

She would not care.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

She would not care.

As I thought.

[Kobold King he/him]

Illustrated here: what the Empire of Light's ascension would have looked like if Lightwards, Funtimes, and Nighthound had attacked the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom instead of the MoNA.

 

 

 

 

King Hanat of the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom tapped a claw against the side of his throne, quietly stewing. Well--perhaps "quietly" was not the word. He frequently barked out orders and obscenities to his minions, who knew not to otherwise disturb him during his moods.

 

But he liked to think of himself as the kind of ruler who quietly stewed. One who kept his emotions and anger in check while patiently waiting for the chance to strike down his enemies. A king to make all Diamond Dogs proud.

 

"Bring me gembeetle juice!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Move it, you sniveling omega mutts! Don't make me repeat myself again!"

 

He wasn't repeating himself. In fact two minutes previously he'd ordered that under no circumstances was he to be brought a cup of gembeetle juice. But the serving dogs knew better than to contradict him.

 

The courtroom, carved out of an ancient diamond mine, was the site of Hanat's temper for quite some time. Serving dogs scurried in and out at their king's whim, and the garrison in place to guard him changed periodically.

 

The subterranean palace knew how to handle Hanat's moods. If the king were to peer behind closed doors into the kitchens, he'd find a veritable feast waiting for him, with a variety of meals and beverages prepared in advance should the king's infamously fickle temperament assert itself once more. Such was the way of the Diamond Dogs.

 

Three hours after the king's first bellowed demand for gembeetle juice, a dog in royal livery cautiously loped into the throne room.

 

"Your majesty," the dog sniveled with a bow, his flat pug nose touching the rough-hewn floor. "Visitors have arrived in the caverns wishing to meet with you. Shall I--"

 

"Visitors?" Hanat barked furiously. "Who dares seek entrance to the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom at a time like this? Changelings? Kobolds? Minotaurs?"

 

The dog steward rubbed his paws together nervously. "Your majesty... they are ponies."

 

Silence filled the cavern. Hanat's eyes widened slightly, gleaming like the diamonds that studded the limestone walls. Then they started twitching. Then the king's breathing grew more rapid. He took a deep breath and opened his jaws.

 

"PONIES!?!" he roared incredulously. "Those colorful little cobs?!? They dare approach my throne during a fit of my brooding?"

 

"Apparently so," the steward offered. He immediately ducked as his majesty plucked a ruby from the cavern wall and chucked it at him.

 

"Tell them," Hanat shrieked furiously, punctuating his words with thrown gemstones. "That. They. Will. Leave. Or. I. Will. Have. Them--"

 

His tirade trailed off as his latest emerald dissolved into rainbow-colored daffodils as it sailed across the room. Hanat stared at the flowers with a frown before glaring once more at the steward. "What witchcraft is this?"

 

 

"None of his, I assure you," a voice stated from the far entrance of the room. The speaker stepped into the dim torchlight of the cave, coming into full view of the king.

 

It was a pony. An earth pony with a dull green pelt and a brown professor's coat over his haunches, with glasses over his blue, fiercely critical eyes. He stalked into the cavern with an appraising look, turning his face to count the guards and to examine the king himself.

 

Behind him came a trio of other ponies. One was as black as night, with nothing but thin grey stripes across his coat to separate his form from the darkness he stepped out of. His mane was red and spiky, and his eyes were so dark one couldn't tell if they bore pupils. His smirk made even the trained Diamond Dog guards take an involuntary step backwards.

 

The third pony was as different from the rest as could be. A short and stubby mare was she, with a coat that was as brighter a purple than fresh-cut amethyst. Her mane was a shining shade of green, sprinkled with what looked like glitter. While the green and black ponies stalked in with menace, she bounced.

 

"Great. Oogly. Moogly!" she sang as she bounced, flitting from one end of the cavern to the other. "You house sparkles! You've got pretty shinies everywhere!"

 

A pair of guards hefted spears at her, but the spears merely turned into striped candy canes in their paws.

 

Hanat stared incredulously at the trio, and then howled in anger. "HOW DARE YOU!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHOSE COURT YOU'VE ENTERED--"

 

"We do," the green pony intoned matter-of-factly. "We wouldn't have come to this miserable cave if we didn't."

 

"Not miserable! Shiny!" the purple pony sang.

 

"Quite shiny," the green stallion agreed. "But then, they are the Diamond Dogs. Like all of us they have a theme to uphold." He turned to the Diamond Dog king and smiled.

 

"My name is Card Null. These are my associates, Jade and Jäg."

 

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAMES ARE! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!" Hanat bellowed once more. His paw clutched around a hefty diamond, which he hurled with all his might at Card Null.

 

The purple mare giggled and the diamond became a plush kitten, bouncing off of Card Null's snout with a squeak. Several more gems were thrown in quick succesion, all turning into plush animals of various kinds.

 

"Are you quite done?" Card Null asked with a sigh. "We have a schedule to keep, you know."

 

Hanat growled. "WHY ARE YOU HERE? ANSWER ME THAT!"

 

"Well, duh," Jade giggled, bouncing right beside the king himself. "We want your kingdom!"

 

At this Hanat attempted to jump from his seat to personally strangle the glitter-crazed mare, but the armrests of his throne had become tight binds. He struggled with the throne turned prison for a moment before giving out a howl.

 

"GUARDS! KILL THEM! KILL THEM NOW!"

 

"I thought they'd never try," the midnight-black stallion uttered with a smirk.

 

A dozen Diamond Dog warriors rushed forward, spears and plated armor clanking as they ran. They formed a broad attack formation and surrounded the ponies in an instant. Spearpoints glinted in the torchlight as they were raised and thrusted into Jäg's hide.

 

The spears did nothing. The stallion rose to his hindlegs with a laugh, clouds of thick black mist obscuring his wounds as he kicked out his hooves, striking dogs in the face. He seemed to have the strength of ten dogs as he galloped between them, bucking some of them hard enough to fling them across the cavern and into the far walls.

 

The guards quickly retreated from this one, instead focusing their efforts on the other two. An entire squad of guards rushed to the purple pony, tripping and stumbling over one another as the ground turned to lathery soap under their feet. They skidded across the floor, unable to stop themselves from flinging face first into a wall that became glue.

 

The remaining guarddogs rushed to Card Null, who merely smiled. He reached solemnly into his coat and pulled out a small piece of bone. He held it to his snout and whispered.

 

"Awaken. Kill every dog save for the king."

 

The guards skidded to a halt as a change underwent the bone. It shook and rattled for a moment. For an instant a skeleton's worth of bones seemed to erupt from the one fragment, quickly covered by spiky green hide and muscular reptile's flesh.

 

In an instant the bone had become a fully grown Primordial Dragon, of a kind extinct in Equestria for a thousand thousand years. It swept through the court, spouting white-hot flames and devouring the screaming dogs to the sound of Card Null's laughter.

 

Hanat struggled against his binds helplessly, eyes widened not in rage but in terror. He bellowed for reinforcements, but none came.

 

"We soundproofed the cave," Jade sang cheerfully.

 

"None of your subjects can hear you. Your reign has ended," Jäg added with a smirk.

 

With a desperate cry, Hanat summoned all of his strength and broke the bounds on his throne. He quickly got the floor and began fleeing towards the far exit, panting with exertion.

 

Card Null laid a hoof on a pair of motionless Diamond Dogs, who rose to their feet and quickly blocked off the exit.

 

"Fools!" Hanat cried as their spears moved to his throat. "I am your king! You will obey me!"

 

"You are no longer the king," Card Null informed him. "You are the last natural born king of the Diamond Dogs. From this day on, this realm will be called the Empire of Light." The green pony smiled. "Has a nice sound to it, don't you think?"

 

"You can't do this," the king moaned. "There are sanctions! Treaties! Celestia--"

 

"Knows nothing about us," Card Null crooned, face to face with Hanat now. "We operate on our own. Your recent declaration of war brought attention to your land--we realized that while the Elements of Harmony prevent us from toppling Equestria at the moment, the Diamond Dogs are just weak enough to succumb to us."

 

Hanat growled helplessly. He raised a paw to slay the green earth pony where he stood, but his own warriors seized the paw and held him still. Their expressions were still and vacant.

 

"We'll need a puppet king to control the rest of these mongrels," Card Null said thoughtfully. "Jäg? Care to take a new hound?"

 

King Hanat, last monarch of the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom, yelped helplessly as the black hoof touched his skin.

 

[Edgedancer he/him]

Illustrated here: what the Empire of Light's ascension would have looked like if Lightwards, Funtimes, and Nighthound had attacked the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom instead of the MoNA.

 

 

 

 

King Hanat of the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom tapped a claw against the side of his throne, quietly stewing. Well--perhaps "quietly" was not the word. He frequently barked out orders and obscenities to his minions, who knew not to otherwise disturb him during his moods.

 

But he liked to think of himself as the kind of ruler who quietly stewed. One who kept his emotions and anger in check while patiently waiting for the chance to strike down his enemies. A king to make all Diamond Dogs proud.

 

"Bring me gembeetle juice!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Move it, you sniveling omega mutts! Don't make me repeat myself again!"

 

He wasn't repeating himself. In fact two minutes previously he'd ordered that under no circumstances was he to be brought a cup of gembeetle juice. But the serving dogs knew better than to contradict him.

 

The courtroom, carved out of an ancient diamond mine, was the site of Hanat's temper for quite some time. Serving dogs scurried in and out at their king's whim, and the garrison in place to guard him changed periodically.

 

The subterranean palace knew how to handle Hanat's moods. If the king were to peer behind closed doors into the kitchens, he'd find a veritable feast waiting for him, with a variety of meals and beverages prepared in advance should the king's infamously fickle temperament assert itself once more. Such was the way of the Diamond Dogs.

 

Three hours after the king's first bellowed demand for gembeetle juice, a dog in royal livery cautiously loped into the throne room.

 

"Your majesty," the dog sniveled with a bow, his flat pug nose touching the rough-hewn floor. "Visitors have arrived in the caverns wishing to meet with you. Shall I--"

 

"Visitors?" Hanat barked furiously. "Who dares seek entrance to the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom at a time like this? Changelings? Kobolds? Minotaurs?"

 

The dog steward rubbed his paws together nervously. "Your majesty... they are ponies."

 

Silence filled the cavern. Hanat's eyes widened slightly, gleaming like the diamonds that studded the limestone walls. Then they started twitching. Then the king's breathing grew more rapid. He took a deep breath and opened his jaws.

 

"PONIES!?!" he roared incredulously. "Those colorful little cobs?!? They dare approach my throne during a fit of my brooding?"

 

"Apparently so," the steward offered. He immediately ducked as his majesty plucked a ruby from the cavern wall and chucked it at him.

 

"Tell them," Hanat shrieked furiously, punctuating his words with thrown gemstones. "That. They. Will. Leave. Or. I. Will. Have. Them--"

 

His tirade trailed off as his latest emerald dissolved into rainbow-colored daffodils as it sailed across the room. Hanat stared at the flowers with a frown before glaring once more at the steward. "What witchcraft is this?"

 

 

"None of his, I assure you," a voice stated from the far entrance of the room. The speaker stepped into the dim torchlight of the cave, coming into full view of the king.

 

It was a pony. An earth pony with a dull green pelt and a brown professor's coat over his haunches, with glasses over his blue, fiercely critical eyes. He stalked into the cavern with an appraising look, turning his face to count the guards and to examine the king himself.

 

Behind him came a trio of other ponies. One was as black as night, with nothing but thin grey stripes across his coat to separate his form from the darkness he stepped out of. His mane was red and spiky, and his eyes were so dark one couldn't tell if they bore pupils. His smirk made even the trained Diamond Dog guards take an involuntary step backwards.

 

The third pony was as different from the rest as could be. A short and stubby mare was she, with a coat that was as brighter a purple than fresh-cut amethyst. Her mane was a shining shade of green, sprinkled with what looked like glitter. While the green and black ponies stalked in with menace, she bounced.

 

"Great. Oogly. Moogly!" she sang as she bounced, flitting from one end of the cavern to the other. "You house sparkles! You've got pretty shinies everywhere!"

 

A pair of guards hefted spears at her, but the spears merely turned into striped candy canes in their paws.

 

Hanat stared incredulously at the trio, and then howled in anger. "HOW DARE YOU!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHOSE COURT YOU'VE ENTERED--"

 

"We do," the green pony intoned matter-of-factly. "We wouldn't have come to this miserable cave if we didn't."

 

"Not miserable! Shiny!" the purple pony sang.

 

"Quite shiny," the green stallion agreed. "But then, they are the Diamond Dogs. Like all of us they have a theme to uphold." He turned to the Diamond Dog king and smiled.

 

"My name is Card Null. These are my associates, Jade and Jäg."

 

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAMES ARE! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!" Hanat bellowed once more. His paw clutched around a hefty diamond, which he hurled with all his might at Card Null.

 

The purple mare giggled and the diamond became a plush kitten, bouncing off of Card Null's snout with a squeak. Several more gems were thrown in quick succesion, all turning into plush animals of various kinds.

 

"Are you quite done?" Card Null asked with a sigh. "We have a schedule to keep, you know."

 

Hanat growled. "WHY ARE YOU HERE? ANSWER ME THAT!"

 

"Well, duh," Jade giggled, bouncing right beside the king himself. "We want your kingdom!"

 

At this Hanat attempted to jump from his seat to personally strangle the glitter-crazed mare, but the armrests of his throne had become tight binds. He struggled with the throne turned prison for a moment before giving out a howl.

 

"GUARDS! KILL THEM! KILL THEM NOW!"

 

"I thought they'd never try," the midnight-black stallion uttered with a smirk.

 

A dozen Diamond Dog warriors rushed forward, spears and plated armor clanking as they ran. They formed a broad attack formation and surrounded the ponies in an instant. Spearpoints glinted in the torchlight as they were raised and thrusted into Jäg's hide.

 

The spears did nothing. The stallion rose to his hindlegs with a laugh, clouds of thick black mist obscuring his wounds as he kicked out his hooves, striking dogs in the face. He seemed to have the strength of ten dogs as he galloped between them, bucking some of them hard enough to fling them across the cavern and into the far walls.

 

The guards quickly retreated from this one, instead focusing their efforts on the other two. An entire squad of guards rushed to the purple pony, tripping and stumbling over one another as the ground turned to lathery soap under their feet. They skidded across the floor, unable to stop themselves from flinging face first into a wall that became glue.

 

The remaining guarddogs rushed to Card Null, who merely smiled. He reached solemnly into his coat and pulled out a small piece of bone. He held it to his snout and whispered.

 

"Awaken. Kill every dog save for the king."

 

The guards skidded to a halt as a change underwent the bone. It shook and rattled for a moment. For an instant a skeleton's worth of bones seemed to erupt from the one fragment, quickly covered by spiky green hide and muscular reptile's flesh.

 

In an instant the bone had become a fully grown Primordial Dragon, of a kind extinct in Equestria for a thousand thousand years. It swept through the court, spouting white-hot flames and devouring the screaming dogs to the sound of Card Null's laughter.

 

Hanat struggled against his binds helplessly, eyes widened not in rage but in terror. He bellowed for reinforcements, but none came.

 

"We soundproofed the cave," Jade sang cheerfully.

 

"None of your subjects can hear you. Your reign has ended," Jäg added with a smirk.

 

With a desperate cry, Hanat summoned all of his strength and broke the bounds on his throne. He quickly got the floor and began fleeing towards the far exit, panting with exertion.

 

Card Null laid a hoof on a pair of motionless Diamond Dogs, who rose to their feet and quickly blocked off the exit.

 

"Fools!" Hanat cried as their spears moved to his throat. "I am your king! You will obey me!"

 

"You are no longer the king," Card Null informed him. "You are the last natural born king of the Diamond Dogs. From this day on, this realm will be called the Empire of Light." The green pony smiled. "Has a nice sound to it, don't you think?"

 

"You can't do this," the king moaned. "There are sanctions! Treaties! Celestia--"

 

"Knows nothing about us," Card Null crooned, face to face with Hanat now. "We operate on our own. Your recent declaration of war brought attention to your land--we realized that while the Elements of Harmony prevent us from toppling Equestria at the moment, the Diamond Dogs are just weak enough to succumb to us."

 

Hanat growled helplessly. He raised a paw to slay the green earth pony where he stood, but his own warriors seized the paw and held him still. Their expressions were still and vacant.

 

"We'll need a puppet king to control the rest of these mongrels," Card Null said thoughtfully. "Jäg? Care to take a new hound?"

 

King Hanat, last monarch of the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom, yelped helplessly as the black hoof touched his skin.

...Being turned into ponies might actually have made them more threatening. It certainly turned Lightwards into a much more badchull villain, the power boost from controlling fantasy creatures also helps. Just wow. There aren't enough upvotes.

 

We also might have found Lucentia's spirit animal.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Illustrated here: what the Empire of Light's ascension would have looked like if Lightwards, Funtimes, and Nighthound had attacked the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom instead of the MoNA.

King Hanat of the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom tapped a claw against the side of his throne, quietly stewing. Well--perhaps "quietly" was not the word. He frequently barked out orders and obscenities to his minions, who knew not to otherwise disturb him during his moods.

But he liked to think of himself as the kind of ruler who quietly stewed. One who kept his emotions and anger in check while patiently waiting for the chance to strike down his enemies. A king to make all Diamond Dogs proud.

"Bring me gembeetle juice!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Move it, you sniveling omega mutts! Don't make me repeat myself again!"

He wasn't repeating himself. In fact two minutes previously he'd ordered that under no circumstances was he to be brought a cup of gembeetle juice. But the serving dogs knew better than to contradict him.

The courtroom, carved out of an ancient diamond mine, was the site of Hanat's temper for quite some time. Serving dogs scurried in and out at their king's whim, and the garrison in place to guard him changed periodically.

The subterranean palace knew how to handle Hanat's moods. If the king were to peer behind closed doors into the kitchens, he'd find a veritable feast waiting for him, with a variety of meals and beverages prepared in advance should the king's infamously fickle temperament assert itself once more. Such was the way of the Diamond Dogs.

Three hours after the king's first bellowed demand for gembeetle juice, a dog in royal livery cautiously loped into the throne room.

"Your majesty," the dog sniveled with a bow, his flat pug nose touching the rough-hewn floor. "Visitors have arrived in the caverns wishing to meet with you. Shall I--"

"Visitors?" Hanat barked furiously. "Who dares seek entrance to the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom at a time like this? Changelings? Kobolds? Minotaurs?"

The dog steward rubbed his paws together nervously. "Your majesty... they are ponies."

Silence filled the cavern. Hanat's eyes widened slightly, gleaming like the diamonds that studded the limestone walls. Then they started twitching. Then the king's breathing grew more rapid. He took a deep breath and opened his jaws.

"PONIES!?!" he roared incredulously. "Those colorful little cobs?!? They dare approach my throne during a fit of my brooding?"

"Apparently so," the steward offered. He immediately ducked as his majesty plucked a ruby from the cavern wall and chucked it at him.

"Tell them," Hanat shrieked furiously, punctuating his words with thrown gemstones. "That. They. Will. Leave. Or. I. Will. Have. Them--"

His tirade trailed off as his latest emerald dissolved into rainbow-colored daffodils as it sailed across the room. Hanat stared at the flowers with a frown before glaring once more at the steward. "What witchcraft is this?"

"None of his, I assure you," a voice stated from the far entrance of the room. The speaker stepped into the dim torchlight of the cave, coming into full view of the king.

It was a pony. An earth pony with a dull green pelt and a brown professor's coat over his haunches, with glasses over his blue, fiercely critical eyes. He stalked into the cavern with an appraising look, turning his face to count the guards and to examine the king himself.

Behind him came a trio of other ponies. One was as black as night, with nothing but thin grey stripes across his coat to separate his form from the darkness he stepped out of. His mane was red and spiky, and his eyes were so dark one couldn't tell if they bore pupils. His smirk made even the trained Diamond Dog guards take an involuntary step backwards.

The third pony was as different from the rest as could be. A short and stubby mare was she, with a coat that was as brighter a purple than fresh-cut amethyst. Her mane was a shining shade of green, sprinkled with what looked like glitter. While the green and black ponies stalked in with menace, she bounced.

"Great. Oogly. Moogly!" she sang as she bounced, flitting from one end of the cavern to the other. "You house sparkles! You've got pretty shinies everywhere!"

A pair of guards hefted spears at her, but the spears merely turned into striped candy canes in their paws.

Hanat stared incredulously at the trio, and then howled in anger. "HOW DARE YOU!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHOSE COURT YOU'VE ENTERED--"

"We do," the green pony intoned matter-of-factly. "We wouldn't have come to this miserable cave if we didn't."

"Not miserable! Shiny!" the purple pony sang.

"Quite shiny," the green stallion agreed. "But then, they are the Diamond Dogs. Like all of us they have a theme to uphold." He turned to the Diamond Dog king and smiled.

"My name is Card Null. These are my associates, Jade and Jäg."

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NAMES ARE! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!" Hanat bellowed once more. His paw clutched around a hefty diamond, which he hurled with all his might at Card Null.

The purple mare giggled and the diamond became a plush kitten, bouncing off of Card Null's snout with a squeak. Several more gems were thrown in quick succesion, all turning into plush animals of various kinds.

"Are you quite done?" Card Null asked with a sigh. "We have a schedule to keep, you know."

Hanat growled. "WHY ARE YOU HERE? ANSWER ME THAT!"

"Well, duh," Jade giggled, bouncing right beside the king himself. "We want your kingdom!"

At this Hanat attempted to jump from his seat to personally strangle the glitter-crazed mare, but the armrests of his throne had become tight binds. He struggled with the throne turned prison for a moment before giving out a howl.

"GUARDS! KILL THEM! KILL THEM NOW!"

"I thought they'd never try," the midnight-black stallion uttered with a smirk.

A dozen Diamond Dog warriors rushed forward, spears and plated armor clanking as they ran. They formed a broad attack formation and surrounded the ponies in an instant. Spearpoints glinted in the torchlight as they were raised and thrusted into Jäg's hide.

The spears did nothing. The stallion rose to his hindlegs with a laugh, clouds of thick black mist obscuring his wounds as he kicked out his hooves, striking dogs in the face. He seemed to have the strength of ten dogs as he galloped between them, bucking some of them hard enough to fling them across the cavern and into the far walls.

The guards quickly retreated from this one, instead focusing their efforts on the other two. An entire squad of guards rushed to the purple pony, tripping and stumbling over one another as the ground turned to lathery soap under their feet. They skidded across the floor, unable to stop themselves from flinging face first into a wall that became glue.

The remaining guarddogs rushed to Card Null, who merely smiled. He reached solemnly into his coat and pulled out a small piece of bone. He held it to his snout and whispered.

"Awaken. Kill every dog save for the king."

The guards skidded to a halt as a change underwent the bone. It shook and rattled for a moment. For an instant a skeleton's worth of bones seemed to erupt from the one fragment, quickly covered by spiky green hide and muscular reptile's flesh.

In an instant the bone had become a fully grown Primordial Dragon, of a kind extinct in Equestria for a thousand thousand years. It swept through the court, spouting white-hot flames and devouring the screaming dogs to the sound of Card Null's laughter.

Hanat struggled against his binds helplessly, eyes widened not in rage but in terror. He bellowed for reinforcements, but none came.

"We soundproofed the cave," Jade sang cheerfully.

"None of your subjects can hear you. Your reign has ended," Jäg added with a smirk.

With a desperate cry, Hanat summoned all of his strength and broke the bounds on his throne. He quickly got the floor and began fleeing towards the far exit, panting with exertion.

Card Null laid a hoof on a pair of motionless Diamond Dogs, who rose to their feet and quickly blocked off the exit.

"Fools!" Hanat cried as their spears moved to his throat. "I am your king! You will obey me!"

"You are no longer the king," Card Null informed him. "You are the last natural born king of the Diamond Dogs. From this day on, this realm will be called the Empire of Light." The green pony smiled. "Has a nice sound to it, don't you think?"

"You can't do this," the king moaned. "There are sanctions! Treaties! Celestia--"

"Knows nothing about us," Card Null crooned, face to face with Hanat now. "We operate on our own. Your recent declaration of war brought attention to your land--we realized that while the Elements of Harmony prevent us from toppling Equestria at the moment, the Diamond Dogs are just weak enough to succumb to us."

Hanat growled helplessly. He raised a paw to slay the green earth pony where he stood, but his own warriors seized the paw and held him still. Their expressions were still and vacant.

"We'll need a puppet king to control the rest of these mongrels," Card Null said thoughtfully. "Jäg? Care to take a new hound?"

King Hanat, last monarch of the Third Diamond Dog Kingdom, yelped helplessly as the black hoof touched his skin.

Aka "Why It's Best for Everyone that the Diamond Dogs Got Rarity Instead."

[Kobold King he/him]

...Being turned into ponies might actually have made them more threatening. It certainly turned Lightwards into a much more badchull villain, the power boost from controlling fantasy creatures also helps. Just wow. There aren't enough upvotes.

 

We also might have found Lucentia's spirit animal.

 

If he works very hard, someday Epic!Lightwards might be as badchull as Pony!Lightwards.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

If he works very hard, someday Epic!Lightwards might be as badchull as Pony!Lightwards.

We now have two characters who could help with the "be a pony" part...and Slaughterhouse at least would get a kick out of it.

[Edgedancer he/him]

If he works very hard, someday Epic!Lightwards might be as badchull as Pony!Lightwards.

To be fair, he does have most of what is needed to be a threatening villain, we just don't often let him act on it for the sake of humor. I mostly blame Funtimes.

[Kobold King he/him]

We now have two characters who could help with the "be a pony" part...and Slaughterhouse at least would get a kick out of it.

 

I'm not sure whether this remark is hilarious or horrifying.

 

Anyone else want to write an Epics in Equestria scene? I for one want to read one where the Unicyclist is unmasked, revealing this:

 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

To be fair, he does have most of what is needed to be a threatening villain, we just don't often let him act on it for the sake of humor. I mostly blame Funtimes.

  

Threatening villain, or threatening villain comically thwarted by his exuberant assistant? Hmmmm....

I'm not sure whether this remark is hilarious or horrifying.

 

Anyone else want to write an Epics in Equestria scene? I for one want to read one where the Unicyclist is unmasked, revealing this:

 

[Kobold King he/him]

To be fair, he does have most of what is needed to be a threatening villain, we just don't often let him act on it for the sake of humor. I mostly blame Funtimes.

 

I may or may not let him start showing his badchull side during the CM War, and in his assertiveness with his new dominion on the next game day.

 

Until then, he can continue to be comically thwarted by Funtimes and insulted by Lucentia.

[Edgedancer he/him]

I'm not sure whether this remark is hilarious or horrifying.

 

Anyone else want to write an Epics in Equestria scene? I for one want to read one where the Unicyclist is unmasked, revealing this:

 

Both, clearly both.

 

I do want to write one but I currently still have to do some catch up in Portland to do, so mine will probably take a while. (Plus, I still need to pick a scene. )

 

I may or may not let him start showing his badchull side during the CM War, and in his assertiveness with his new dominion on the next game day.

 

Until then, he can continue to be comically thwarted by Funtimes and insulted by Lucentia.

This is a weird thing to be excited about, isn't it?

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

I may or may not let him start showing his badchull side during the CM War, and in his assertiveness with his new dominion on the next game day.

Until then, he can continue to be comically thwarted by Funtimes and insulted by Lucentia.

Funtimes will grow more ruthless within the next few game days, too, so we might as well let her comically thwart him while we can.

[Kobold King he/him]

Funtimes will grow more ruthless within the next few game days, too, so we might as well let her comically thwart him while we can.

 

Quota wouldn't let me upvote that. Perhaps a sign that he's aware of his impending doom.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles she/her]

Quota wouldn't let me upvote that. Perhaps a sign that he's aware of his impending doom.

Of course, he expresses terror at his own mortality in the only way he knows how: being a slontze.