The Orre

[Aeshdan he/him]

Orre_description.docAttached is the scholastic description of my civilization, the Orre. Please let me know what you think.

I will put the story up shortly.

EDIT: It worked!

Edited June 23, 2012 by ReaderAt2046

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Hmm. I'm not sure... I've never tried to do an attachment. Could you host off-site and link? I really want to read it!

Also, we should totally have a SovStates Forum. That'd be awesome.

[Aeshdan he/him]

Hmm. I'm not sure... I've never tried to do an attachment. Could you host off-site and link?

What in the name of You does that mean?

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Like could you post it on another site, like Deviant Art, Google Docs or something, and provide a link to it? Instead of a direct upload here. Sorry, didn't mean to confuse!

[Aeshdan he/him]

I don't have accounts in those places, so i'll try a few other things.

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Okay, keep at it!

[Chaos he/him]

You should be able to attach files; in order to do so you can't use the Fast Reply box at the bottom, use the Add Reply button and the Attachments thing should be there. Let me know if that doesn't work.

[Aeshdan he/him]

You should be able to attach files; in order to do so you can't use the Fast Reply box at the bottom, use the Add Reply button and the Attachments thing should be there. Let me know if that doesn't work.

I already tried at least four times. I just get a message saying "you can't upload this type of file".

[Eerongal he/him]

I already tried at least four times. I just get a message saying "you can't upload this type of file".

Certain files types are restricted in IPB from being uploaded (don't know if this is controllable or not) for security purposes. The easiest solution would be to probably get like dropbox or something, and throw it in there (it would be a folder on your computer) and then you can right click it and pick "Copy public link" and you would have a link you can post.

[Chaos he/him]

I already tried at least four times. I just get a message saying "you can't upload this type of file".

What file type?

[Chaos he/him]

You can upload .docs. I'm going to see if I can change the accepted files that can be uploaded, but just do that.

Test.doc

[Aeshdan he/him]

You can upload .docs. I'm going to see if I can change the accepted files that can be uploaded, but just do that.

Test.doc

That's the problem. My computer produces .docxs.

[Eerongal he/him]

That's the problem. My computer produces .docxs.

if you're using word 2007 and up (which defaults to docx) you should be able to save .doc files as well. Go to office button > save as (actually click save as, not use the menu it spreads open) > in the window that pops up, at the bottom there's a field "Save as type" Change that to "word 97-2003 (.doc)" and then save it wherever

[FeatherWriter she/her]

Ooh. Very interesting! I'm excited to read the story! Though, I feel I have to point out, this civ probably wouldn't have been allowed in the original SovStates tournament. They were super strict about a no-magic rule. They wanted more evolutionary adaptations for Civs. Heck, I had to come up with some major sciency-sounding jargon in order to get a pass for the Jaiseti's sun dependence. The initial consensus was "No."

But seeing as SovStates isn't actually happening, and this is all just for fun, it doesn't really matter. It's just something that crossed my mind while I was reading.

[Aeshdan he/him]

Glad to know you give that a pass. Anything about my write-up that's unclear or missing?

[FeatherWriter she/her]

I don't know. It's always hard to get a feel for a world just from reading a write-up. They're really helpful for writers, but don't do much for an audience. The story is really where you get into the world. If anything feels strange or doesn't quite make sense after the story though, I'll let you know!

[Lady_Yasha she/her]

Very good. I only have a few points about the magic system you've crafted, the Ayethru:

You've gone with a scientific approach, while not a bad thing and certainly you don't have to abide by the laws of our world, but due to its nature make sure you give the Ayethru some solidification; grounds to base the Kriston waves' science on. You have to make it believable and consistent throughout the story.

You've given it some limitations, good, but how much energy is used? What happens if someone uses too much?

Shardblade? You're straying into Sanderson territory here. If your primary audience is going to be fantasy readers, you might want to change the name to something that isn't already used in a prominent fantasy author's work.

Since the Orre live in high altitudes they should have lower mortality rates, by natural death, and live longer lives than those at lower altitudes.

Just flesh the details out and you have something good there.

[Aeshdan he/him]

You've given it some limitations, good, but how much energy is used? What happens if someone uses too much?

Shardblade? You're straying into Sanderson territory here. If your primary audience is going to be fantasy readers, you might want to change the name to something that isn't already used in a prominent fantasy author's work.

If you use too much energy, then you get exhausted and possibly die from fatigue, the same as if you used too much energy with your regular muscles.

As for the Shardblade thing, i came up with the name on my own. I did notice the conversion.

[Aeshdan he/him]

Prelude:

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

In the time foreordained, a wind arose over the Dragonstone. Southward and eastward it blew, over the western heights thick with dragons. Down the clifflike edge it tumbled, entering the lowlands. The wind rose and sailed high over the cities of the Muhmad, for it had no desire to taste the smoke of their human sacrifices or touch the flesh of their sacred prostitutes. As it approached the steep cliffs that marked the edges of Carrenema, the wind descended into the Eastern Gap, the great canyon up which the Muhmad raiding parties climbed, seeking to plunder and slay. Up that it shot, its force and strength channeled by the stone walls of the canyon. With a splash, it slammed up against the face of Murum, the fortress city that the Orre had built across the Gap. It pushed against the smooth marble face for a moment, but found no crack or seam where it could gain purchase, and its nature drove it ever up and on. It rose and slid up the wall until, about 5 stories up, it began to find the narrow slit-windows of the homes on the front of the city, where dwelled the warriors who garrisoned and protected the wall. It began to push tendrils of itself through the windows, searching inside. One of these tendrils found a pair of Orre, a man and a boy, sitting together with their eyes closed. The door was shut, so the wind could go no further. But before it left that room, it reached out and ruffled the boy’s hair.

Fergil groaned inwardly as the wind’s touch broke his turn, again. His father only raised an eyebrow, then got up and slid shut the iron shutters.

“You’re doing very well, Fergil. You can already make the turn, even if you are having trouble holding it. Now, let’s try again without the wind interfering.”

Fergil closed his eyes and slipped into Fire On Still Water. First, he formed a flame in his mind, burning with all his passions, with his frustration at repeated failures, his desire to please his father, and the general skrim of minor emotions that were always in the back of his head. Then he added the image of a still pool, deep and black and reflective, like Lake Lomond on a windless night. The fire of passion burned on, hovering over the still lake that the rest of his mind had become. Finally, Fergil reached into the image, between the fire and the water, and touched the Kriston energy. It surged up, merging with his conscious mind and burning along his nerves like fire.

Now for the part he was having trouble with. With a sort of mental jerk, he snapped into Juggling Lemons, the odd mental state that allowed one to concentrate all one’s attention on several things at once. One part of his mind maintained the intense concentration that allowed access to the Kriston energy, another took that energy and directed it towards the glowstone sitting on the floor in front of him, and a third opened his eyes. The glowstone flickered and then began to glow with a steady azure radiance.

Joy exploded up inside Fergil and almost caused him to lose his turn. But just in time, he regained control and pushed the joy into the flame with everything else. He held the glowstone for a couple of seconds more, then released his mind. There was a brief moment of disorientation as his mind abruptly shifted from three viewpoints to one, but it was overshadowed by his excitement at having lit the stone.

“Agreed,” replied his father, getting up and stretching. Then he shifted to subvoicing. I think it’s time for a rest.

Fergil got up and moved over to a padded couch, while his father disappeared into the next room. A minute later, Blanc came toddling in.

“Read me a story?” she said, clambering up next to Fergil.

“Ok,” he replied with a laugh, and reached for the Book.

“Chapter 1. The Beginning Of All Things Which Have Beginnings.

“Before the beginning was Elsh’Addi, for he has no beginning, and in him are all beginnings. And for

a time that is not counted he was alone and was content. But after the passing of the appropriate length of eternity, it seemed good to him to make other beings, that they might worship him and he might cherish them, and the joy of the universe be increased thereby. And so there came to be the Ashellon, the Bright Ones, firstborn of all creation. And for a time that we are not told they were together.

“But, just as a sculptor is not content with one sculpture, or a bard with one song, so Elsh’Addi chose to make more beings, and so…”

They were interrupted by the sound of alarm-horns.

[Aeshdan he/him]

Something very important that i forgot to put in my description.

There are two states of hostility the Orre recognize, ash-orre and ash-karampf. Ash-orre is the regular state of war, and obeys the regular rules (quarter given and taken, only soldiers fight, war can be ended in peace, truces are acceptable, etc). Ash-karampf is a different story.

Ash-karampf means, more or less literally, “Enemy of all goodness”. It is extremely rarely declared, but it does exist. Also, once declared, it cannot be rescinded.

When a person is declared Ash-kerampf, every Orre is required by law to do everything in their power (as per circumstances) to kill or oppose said person. Failure to do so is a capital offence.

Furthermore, (and this is why it’s so important to explain) if another civ (like the Jaiseti) find an Ash-kerampf in their territory, they must immediately either execute him or return him to the Orre for execution. Failure to do so is an act of war (just like, say, attacking an Orre city). Also, please note that a civ that attacks the Orre in this manner must execute or deliver up the Ash-kerampf before peace can be concluded or a ceasefire of longer than one month called.

A larger group, like say a city or country, can also be declared Ash-kerampf. (The Muhmad have been). In this case, the Orre go to war against them until every member of the group is dead. Prisoners may be taken only for interrogation, and must be executed as soon as all useful information is extracted.