Cat Worldhopping

[Through the Living Potato He/Him]

Yes, there’s probably a better name for this, but anyway. 
 

Your Goal: Bring a feline population to every known planet with a perpendicularity in the Cosmere, starting from Scadrial

Details: Brandon has mentioned that Scadrial is his Earth analogy, so for the purposes of this post, it will have all known Earth felines. You do not have to bring a common house cat to the worlds, just a feline species. You will face opposition from groups like the 17th Shard, who don’t want people contaminating other planets. You can assume, however, that you can bring the cats through the perpendicularities, and into Shadesmar. Method of moving, feeding and other specifics are up to you. 
 

How do you do it?

Edited May 4 by all_cats_are_windrunners
For got an “a,” and a plural for perpendicularity

[Deception He/Him]

...why?

Step 1: Print out this entire website

Step 2: Bribe the ghostbloods to your side with the knowledge contained on this website

Step 3: Use their transportation methods to get the cats to Roshar (bring cat food bags)

Step 4: Steal some soulcasters to soulcast cat food, and bribe an Elsecaller and Bondsmith with Ghostblood money to bring your cats to all of the other planets through Elsegates. If the Bondsmith cannot be bribed, you can give the Elsecaller some Lerasium and they can use Duraluminum to supercharge an Elsegate. If the Elsecaller cannot be bribed, mind control them by stabbing them up with Hemalurgic spikes and then using emotional Allomancy.

Step 5: Find a way to transfer the oath made by the Heralds at the end of the first Stormlight Archive arc to protect cats instead of protecting spren. Sure, Retribution will kill all of the Rosharian spren instantly but hey, at least now the cats are safe! -- if you cannot convince the Heralds to do this just make a bunch of Lerasium create some Mistborn and give them some Atium, then let them stab the Heralds full of spikes until they can be controlled. It may even be possible to control them with Duraluminum and emotional Allomancy anyway because of the damage to their souls.
 

You have now introduced cats everywhere in the cosmere, and have done it so quickly that no other groups can stop you until it is too late. The cats are also protected from Shards because why not.

[Through the Living Potato He/Him]

6 minutes ago, Deception said:

...why?

Step 1: Print out this entire website

Step 2: Bribe the ghostbloods to your side with the knowledge contained on this website

Step 3: Use their transportation methods to get the cats to Roshar (bring cat food bags)

Step 4: Steal some soulcasters to soulcast cat food, and bribe an Elsecaller and Bondsmith with Ghostblood money to bring your cats to all of the other planets through Elsegates. If the Bondsmith cannot be bribed, you can give the Elsecaller some Lerasium and they can use Duraluminum to supercharge an Elsegate. If the Elsecaller cannot be bribed, mind control them by stabbing them up with Hemalurgic spikes and then using emotional Allomancy.

Step 5: Find a way to transfer the oath made by the Heralds at the end of the first Stormlight Archive arc to protect cats instead of protecting spren. Sure, Retribution will kill all of the Rosharian spren instantly but hey, at least now the cats are safe! -- if you cannot convince the Heralds to do this just make a bunch of Lerasium create some Mistborn and give them some Atium, then let them stab the Heralds full of spikes until they can be controlled. It may even be possible to control them with Duraluminum and emotional Allomancy anyway because of the damage to their souls.
 

You have now introduced cats everywhere in the cosmere, and have done it so quickly that no other groups can stop you until it is too late. The cats are also protected from Shards because why not.

… I am stunned beyond belief.

Good job.

[Through the Living Hopper He/Him]

Well, all cats are Windrunners, so if you give them enough Stormlight they can fly between planets.

[GG0z He/Him]

My turn!!

1. Spike the cats like Kandra to gain sentience(if possible)
2. Join Ghostbloods, and rise up through their ranks, until you can worldhop
3. Hide cats in your backpack with enough cat food to last for days
4. gain accomplices with your mission so you can divide and conquer
5. each visit a few planets and since it wasn’t mentioned that you or the cats had to survive, drop the cat through the perpendicularity and hope for the best

Or…

Spoiler

If we are in the later Cosmere (circa Isles of the Emberdark), join a spacecraft delivery crew and bring some cats

 

[Through the Living Potato He/Him]

3 minutes ago, GG0z said:

My turn!!

1. Spike the cats like Kandra to gain sentience(if possible)
2. Join Ghostbloods, and rise up through their ranks, until you can worldhop
3. Hide cats in your backpack with enough cat food to last for days
4. gain accomplices with your mission so you can divide and conquer
5. each visit a few planets and since it wasn’t mentioned that you or the cats had to survive, drop the cat through the perpendicularity and hope for the best

Or…

  Hide contents

If we are in the later Cosmere (circa Isles of the Emberdark), join a spacecraft delivery crew and bring some cats

 

Sound, but why spike the cats?

[GG0z He/Him]

Hopefullly to get them to gain sentience enough to understand things like a human does

[Through the Living Potato He/Him]

Ah. Might be better ways? But alright.