Prologue to a story I'm brewing

[S. Stormy she/her]

ChatGPT said it was too long. What do y'all think?

Spoiler

Once in a world that is now long gone, before lies were invented, a girl was born with white hair.

This was a calamity. It threw the world off track, drove the public mad. It caused riots, rebellion, war. And yet, this girl’s birth was celebrated for centuries to come.

Why?

Well, this girl was born in a time when the world was ruled by a King, who was named Phineas, and a Queen, called Seraphina. When these two came to power, they issued commands, many commands. These rulers sent out bards, bards who brought food and good wine, who played songs, who spread the news that the King and Queen were pure; the King and Queen were perfect.

The public rejoiced at this. They were not naïve, as you may think. Well, perhaps they were, but they were in a world where naïveté did not matter because lies did not exist. Trust was not a concept because it was a given. So the people celebrated; they had found rulers who were perfect. 

So, given that they were perfect, the King and Queen had made a decree: only they were perfect. And since white was the symbol of purity, of perfection, only they were allowed white clothing. 

That was the day the truth started to emerge, when these… these lies started to be revealed. Because Phineas and Seraphina ordered all who were wearing white that day, when the decree was made, to be executed. 

The world was shocked, horrified. How were the condemned to know that their clothing choice would be outlawed the morning they chose it? 

Their beloved King and Queen were just. They were perfect, weren’t they? They had said so. That meant that the people who had been killed had to be evil, then? Right?

Jess Serpen. She’s evil, said the bards employed by the Crown. 

What? the people asked. No, I knew Jess, said her son. I knew her, said her husband. She was the best person here, said her neighbors where she lived.

So they had only one conclusion. They had been wrong when they thought Jess was good.

That was what most everyone said. Those were ones loyal to the Crown. Those were the people who betrayed the couple whose little girl had white hair. You’re treacherous, those people said. You have pretended perfection, you are wrong, you deserve death. Never mind that they had no choice in how their child was born, never mind that it wasn’t fair. That tiny family was brought to court and found guilty. Death, said the king and queen, who witnessed the trial themselves.
The very next day, a crowd gathered in the courtyard of the castle. Somber they were, for they were about to witness death. Not a soul in that crowd had looked forward to that day, nobody wanted to see this. But Queen Seraphina and King Phineas had issued a decree. Another decree; this one stated that all people had to gather in the square to learn what disobedience of a royal decree would lead to.

The crowd was silent as the executioner stepped out, clothed in his gray robe, as was custom. The black for death, white for justice, combined to become gray. Because not even Seraphina’s executioner, unflinchingly loyal to his Queen, was worthy of true white. So they watched as the blade came down on an innocent neck.

Rumor had it that the executioner never let anyone see his face save his Queen, for she had taken him in and raised him from the time he was small. He had always been her servant, unquestioning to the last.

A small, shaky young boy of approximately five years old led a man to the grey-clad figure of nightmare. The executioner did not know the man’s crime. He did not ask, only did as commanded, executed (in the most literal sense) so-called justice as he was told by the white-clad figure of the queen Seraphina. And so the axe fell, watched by the Queen and the tearstained child she had forced to lead the man to his death. And then the boy, at her command, walked back into the dungeons, bringing out the next person.

As the white-haired child’s mother strode to the block, cheeks wet and shoulders shaking, she held her head high and stared into the darkness beneath the executioner’s hood.

“Her name is Jane,” she said in a cracked, accusing voice. “If you know nothing else about us, remember that her name is Jane.”

The grey-hooded head tilted to the side in confusion, for the executioner did not know who she spoke of. 

She held his eyes. “You don’t understand?”

Silence. 

“You will,” were her next and final words, a nice company for her blood that now spattered his robes.

And then she was led out. A three-year-old white-haired girl stood before the grey-clad executioner. 

The grey hood regarded the tiny figure for a long time. She looked up at him and apparently saw something she liked in what was visible of his face, for she smiled at him.

And then he looked up at the Queen. A hand reached up out of the depths of the sleeve and raised the hood that shadowed his eyes. Sunlight broke over his dark-skinned, tired face as he met her eyes.

“What is this?” 

The executioner’s voice was hoarse as he broke the silence. Seraphina spoke, glassy and unforgiving in return. “This is your task.”

“She is a child.” His voice was stone, rough but unyielding.

“She is guilty.”

“No. She cannot be.” He waited for her answer. And she spoke.

“I don’t know what you mean. Because, Thomas, she is.”

He glared at her, and shook his head. “I will not kill her.”

“But, Thomas, you w—” She was cut off as he, eyes wet, raised his axe to her throat. The Queen stared at him for a moment. Her voice shook for the first time as she spoke. “You can’t kill me,” she whispered. “I raised you.”

He met her eyes, and felt tears slip down his cheeks unbidden as his guilt surfaced. “Can’t I?” he growled. 

Seraphina shook her head, her jaw trembling. She started to raise a hand to summon the guards, but Thomas placed a hand, strong and steady on top of it. He spoke to her then, soft, so soft that only she could hear. “You will not summon the guards. You will let me leave with Jane.” 

Seraphina, to the shock of the watching crowd and her own husband, did not consign him to death. She did not take action. She turned to the citizens of her Kingdom and spoke to them.

“Thomas Oaklin. He may take this girl, if you so desire. See what happens to him. See how he enjoys his life.” 

And so he did. Brave man, that Thomas. He did something that many people could not: he saw that he was supporting something wrong, and so he backed out. He ran. He took that little girl away from the Crown and he saved her life. 

The girl was saved, but her parents were not. The axe fell, and the treasonous purity of white was finally broken by red. The little girl’s parents were killed when she was three years old. Oh yes! Yes! This is just! This is right!

Or so the people were told. So the people had to believe. They forced themselves to believe this because if they didn’t then they’d have to change. If they didn’t believe that the victims were guilty, they’d have to shatter their ideal, lie-less world with a hammer and chisel, wincing all the way because it meant the destruction of all that was familiar. The citizens of Eniel had never conceived of a lie. The word did not exist; the concept did not exist. 

So the people lived in a lie that they did not understand. So the people lived, except those who did not live so. They were the brave ones. The ones who closed their eyes, gritted their teeth, and cracked away at the concrete facade, the facade that covered up the truth.

The girl with white hair was taken away and raised as a symbol of those who fought. She was raised as a beautiful flower not to be touched or else she’d wilt. 

So young Jane lived, naive and innocent and hunted.

 

[AltonicKeys he/him]

First off never trust ChatGPT because this was really neat! I like the specific way the story is told. Always love a good rebellion story. In regards to "is it too long," there's not really a length limit on prologues, but I feel like for these folklore/legend style openers, generally if you can tell it as a short story around a campfire or something, then it's good. So you're fine! I don't know the full lore yet, but I think this can cover whatever the reader might want to know later.

Thank you for sharing, I'd love to see whatever comes next!