6/3/25 - Ace of Hearts - Labyrinth of Birdcages sub 17, 3132 words (V)

[Appol PhD they/he]

Additional content warning for torture. 

 

Sorry for the late submission! This is the big climax, with the last submission coming up being resolution. I think this section has the same problem a lot of these arcs do where it feels like the character wins by just kind of deciding to and the mind world accommodating that, and in addition I'm wondering if this section in particular should be longer to feel like more of a struggle. Beyond that, any and all comments are helpful as always.

 

Thanks!

[ginger_reckoning]

 

So I'm a little conflicted with this one, because the electroshock therapy is IMO a bit of a moral line that crossing seems out of character for J, even if it gives the doppleganger a taste of their own medicine. That being said, I do like that they got their comeuppance and realized they are just as vulnerable as anybody else. That being said, as was brought up, explicitly making it human does make what happened murder, so thats also something to consider I guess. Overall, I think it's a good chapter and a good way to resolve the main conflict, but am a little conlficted since it does seem a bit out of character. But congrats! I think this has been a good story, and this is a fitting conclusion. As for the "deciding to win and then it happens" maybe a little bit more of writing around J having to focus before undoing the clamps, or something to that effect? Drawing more attention to the fact that he is just as in control as the Labyrinth is. 

 

Pg1 This is probably just personal taste but I think that “favorites movies with you, and…” should be two separate sentences

 

Pg 4 “I start missing you” ahh, very sweet

 

Overall, I feel like this chapter could be condensed with the other, when M and Mx P came to see J, so they all come in at the same time, maybe? Actually, I don’t know if that would be better, but having two separate groups come in to encourage him draws more attention to the trope of the power of friendship trope, IMO

 

“The clamps will open” is this J exerting control over the reality or was it some predetermined thing?

 

“Hot chick” consider: since they’re from the 60’s I think they should say “broad” 

 

Pg 6 “Shatter everything” badass