Incorrect quotes Cosmere

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

Wax : It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

 

 

Kelsier: Some people say that I have a god complex. I’d like to think that I’m a complex god.

 

 

Wayne: Yeah I'm LGBT.
Wayne: cuLt leader.
 Wayne: God hates me personally.
Wayne: cowBoy hat.
Wayne: *sniffles* Trying my best.

 

 

Marasi: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body.
Wayne: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.
Marasi: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
Steris: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...

 

 

Wayne: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Marasi: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.
Wayne: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better.
Marasi: ...

 

 

Wayne: Damn, Steris, are you secretly cool?
Steris: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool.
Wayne: I do not.

 

 

*is sad for Wayne*

 

Wax, at Wayne’s funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves*
Wax, leaning over Wayne’s coffin: Okay, listen here you little rust. I know you’re not dead.
Wayne, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no rust.

Edited June 24, 2025 by KnightSkye

[KaladinsSenseOfHumourSpren He/Him]

7 hours ago, KnightSkye said:

Wax, at Wayne’s funeral: I need a moment with them.

Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves*
Wax, leaning over Wayne’s coffin: Okay, listen here you little rust. I know you’re not dead.
Wayne, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no rust.

It's not just Wayne...

Kaladin and Kelsier too.

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

5 hours ago, KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren said:

It's not just Wayne...

Kaladin and Kelsier too.

Literally kelsier *laugh track*

those who know, know

*secret history fans all nod*

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

On 6/24/2025 at 5:23 PM, KaladinsSenseOfHumorSpren said:

It's not just Wayne...

Kaladin and Kelsier too.

True true. I just could best picture Wax calling someone on it.

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

this shant die

[Vielence She/Her]

No it shan’t. However, I do not have a quote. GUYSSSS LITTLE HELP?

[Wasing the want of this]

Kaladin: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.
Adolin: What hints have you given them?
Kaladin: Well, I think about them a lot.
Kaladin: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.

________________________________________________

Adolin : I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

________________________________________________

Shallan: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.

________________________________________________

Jasnah: Stressed. 

Kaladin: Depressed. 

Shallan: Obsessed. 

Pattern: Impressed. 

Adolin : Chicken breast. 

Everyone: ...What? 

Adolin : I just wanted to join in.

________________________________________________

Elend : *seductively takes off glasses*
Elend : Wow...
Vin: *blushes* Haha... what?
Elend : You're really blurry.

________________________________________________

Sazed: *working in a flower shop and minding their own business* 

Kelsier , storming into the store and slapping $20 on the counter: HOW DO I PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SAY “I HATE YOU” IN FLOWER???

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Zane: Get your hand off my shield!
Vin: There's like a million other shields.
Zane: Take that one, it has a flower on it. Girls like flowers.
Vin: *hits Zane with the shield* Oops! Now this one has blood on it.

Edited October 14, 2025 by Wasing the want of this

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

Vin: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Ham: Several traffic violations.

Breeze: Three counts of resisting arrest. 

Dockson: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Elend: Also, that's not our car.

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

To inspire others while I come up with quotes for this, I give a scenario: In between OB and RoW, Urithiru karaoke night.

I shall return with quotes from.this scenario when I come up with some.

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

Dalinar: You look mentally ill. 
Bridge 4: We are. Let’s go.

Rlain: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. 
Bridge 4: Awwww- 
Rlain: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." 
Bridge 4: Oh.

Adolin: What, in the name of sanity, have you got on your head? 
Syl: It's a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool. 
Kaladin: *snatches the fez, throws it in the air* 
Adolin: *stabs it*

Dalinar: Fight me! 
Stormfather: Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle? 
*Later* 
Kaladin: Why is Stormfather crying? 
Adolon: Dalinar kicked them really hard on the ankle.

[Vielence She/Her]

2 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Dalinar: You look mentally ill. 
Bridge 4: We are. Let’s go.

Rlain: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. 
Bridge 4: Awwww- 
Rlain: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." 
Bridge 4: Oh.

Adolin: What, in the name of sanity, have you got on your head? 
Syl: It's a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool. 
Kaladin: *snatches the fez, throws it in the air* 
Adolin: *stabs it*

Dalinar: Fight me! 
Stormfather: Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle? 
*Later* 
Kaladin: Why is Stormfather crying? 
Adolon: Dalinar kicked them really hard on the ankle.

That’s is so good. Everyone rep this. 

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

21 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Rlain: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. 
Bridge 4: Awwww- 
Rlain: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." 
Bridge 4: Oh.

This is peak. 

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

21 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Dalinar: You look mentally ill. 
Bridge 4: We are. Let’s go.

Rlain: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture. 
Bridge 4: Awwww- 
Rlain: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything." 
Bridge 4: Oh.

Adolin: What, in the name of sanity, have you got on your head? 
Syl: It's a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool. 
Kaladin: *snatches the fez, throws it in the air* 
Adolin: *stabs it*

Dalinar: Fight me! 
Stormfather: Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle? 
*Later* 
Kaladin: Why is Stormfather crying? 
Adolon: Dalinar kicked them really hard on the ankle.

You need more rep

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

23 hours ago, KnightSkye Reforged said:

Adolin: What, in the name of sanity, have you got on your head? 
Syl: It's a fez, I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool. 
Kaladin: *snatches the fez, throws it in the air* 
Adolin: *stabs it*

Bold of you to assume Adolin is not, in fact, wearing the fez.

I love this

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

17 minutes ago, Ink and Embers said:

Bold of you to assume Adolin is not, in fact, wearing the fez.

I love this

True. It would likely be more accurate if Selling had the fez, and Kal and Shallan took it.

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

Kaladin: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Adolin: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Kaladin: Absolutely not.

Maya: Adolin is not allowed to violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.
Maya: No matter how many times you say please, Adolin. We won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.

Adolin: And what do I get out of this?
Shallan: I will give you a dollar.
Adolin: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a dollar!
Shallan: How bout two dollars?
Adolin: You got yourself a deal.

Dalinar: Can we talk? One 10 to another? 
Stormfather: I’m an 11, but continue.

Adolin: I have a bad feeling about this, guys.
Bridge 4: Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
Lopen: Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen?
Adolin, being bailed out of jail the next morning: I hate you all.

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

Maya: I don't dab. I stab.

Hoid: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery.

Kaladin: I told Bridge 4 to grab snacks for everyone. 
Navani, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks? 
*Kaladin, Bridge 4, and Pattern raise their hands*

Jasnah: Look guys, I need help. 
Kaladin: Love help? 
Adolin: Financial help? 
Syl: Emotional help? 
Shallan: Help moving a body? 
*Everybody looks at Shallan* 
Shallan: What?

*Adolin comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Shallan's bedroom.* 
Shallan: Babe, are you.. coming to bed? 
Adolin: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend. 
Adolin: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep* 
Shallan: ...

*Dalinar teaching Shallan to drive and taking Adolin along for the ride* 
Dalinar: That's a pothole. To the left! 
Shallan: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole* 
Adolin, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth. 
Shallan: I don't think that's how the song goes. 
Dalinar, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home. 
Shallan: Country Roads. 
Adolin: To the place. 
Shallan and Adolin in unison: I Belong! 
Dalinar, crying harder: What the storm?

Lopen: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game... 
Kaladin, nodding: Knife Monopoly. 
Lopen: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

Adolin: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar? 
Teft: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Kaladin, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Rlain: Gray. 

Renarin: Grey. 
Kaladin, turning to Lopen: Now tell them what color you think it is. 
Lopen: Dark white.

 

 

 

 

Adolin: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, that’s stormed up. Like c'mon, you know I’m dumb as hell!

Adolin, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group.

 

Edited October 14, 2025 by KnightSkye Reforged

[Vielence She/Her]

17 hours ago, Ire said:

Adolin: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk? 

Shallan: The final boss. 

Renarin: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right? 

Adolin: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Adolin: *holding a bottle* Is this wine or perfume?

Shallan: *chugs entire bottle*

Shallan: It’s perfume.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?

Adolin: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a huge house.

Shallan: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.

Adolin: Good thinking.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin, driving Adolin and Shallan: So how was your day?

Adolin: We almost got surprise adopted!

Kaladin: What?

Shallan: We almost got kidnapped.

Kaladin: Oh, okay.

Kaladin: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Adolin: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Shallan: Smad.

----------------------------------------------------------------

*The squad is having dinner together*

Kaladin: Adolin, can you pass the salt?

Adolin: *Throws Shallan across the table*

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: Hey Adolin,

Adolin: Yes?

Kaladin: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Adolin:

Adolin: Where’s Shallan?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: I think Shallan was right.

Adolin: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Jasnah: They wouldn't do that.

Shallan: You're right, Jasnah. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

Shallan: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Shallan Told You So' on the back*

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: Adolin isn’t answering their phone

Jasnah: I’ll call

Kaladin: Shallan and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Adolin: Hello?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: *Gently taps table*

Shallan: *Taps back*

Adolin: What are they doing?

Jasnah: Morse code.

Kaladin: *Aggressively taps table*

Shallan: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Adolin: ... Your what?

Kaladin: My friends.

Dalinar: Are they saying “friends”?

Shallan: I think they're being sarcastic.

Jasnah: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Kaladin! All of your friends are in this room.

Kaladin: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: You kidnapped Adolin? That’s illegal!

Dalinar: But Kaladin, what’s more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Adolin, or destroying our dreams?

Kaladin: Kidnapping Adolin, Dalinar!!!

Shallan: Kaladin, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!

Kaladin: What, to kidnap people?!?!

Shallan: To work together!

Kaladin: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

Jasnah: Kaladin, we all agreed a celebrity is a not a people.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: What does 'take out' mean?

Lift: Food.

Adolin: Dating

Shallan: Murder 

Jasnah: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

HOLY- 

Ire those are rusting AMAZING 

everyone rep this!!!!

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

31 minutes ago, Ire said:

Wayne: I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children." Thought, "that seems like a fair trade." Probably shouldn't have said it out loud to the crossing guard.

I can't stop laughing 

[Myst He/Him]

This is absolutely hilarious, I laughed so hard reading through this. Keep it up everyone, this is amazing.

However, I see only Mistborn and Stormlight Characters, what about the rest of the cosmere cast?

[Through The Living Ash he/him]

32 minutes ago, IHadAThought said:

This is absolutely hilarious, I laughed so hard reading through this. Keep it up everyone, this is amazing.

However, I see only Mistborn and Stormlight Characters, what about the rest of the cosmere cast?

You got ideas then shoot. 

[Myst He/Him]

47 minutes ago, Ashkaloda said:

You got ideas then shoot. 

This is my attempt, and though this was a lot harder than I thought it’d be, and this is still stormlight adjacent. It’s a bit long though.

The Lopen: *pats Raoden on the shoulder “I’m glad someone took my advice”

Raoden: “What?

The Lopen, “Yeah, it’s like I’ve been telling everyone, the ladies can’t resist the glow. I dabble in it every once in a while, a lady can only handle so much Lopen after all, glowing would be too much. But you, Gancho, you got it down”

Raoden: “Sarene loves me for much more than-“

Sarene: “No, he’s right”

Raoden: *turns to face her in astonishment “What?”

Sarene: *shrugs “What girl wouldn’t love a little sun in her life?”

Raoden: “I don’t know whether that’s a compliment or not…”

The Lopen: “Look, gancho, your glow is your best quality, it’s all bright and unique, I can’t get my glow to last nearly as long as yours, maybe you should call yourself ‘The Raoden’. I bet it makes it hard to sleep at night though”

Sarene: *laughs “the glow is worth it”

Raoden: “Is the glow all I’m good for?”

Sarene: “yes”

The Lopen: “She would wake up, talk to you with her seon and dream of the day you’d glow. Telling herself that it’s okay you look like a grumpy chill right now, because you’ll glow one day”

Raoden: “Sarene, tell me that’s not true”

Sarene: “It’s not true”

Raoden: *sighs with relief, then frowns “you’re not saying that just because I asked you, right?”

Sarene: “well….”

Raoden: “Sarene!”

 

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

2 hours ago, Ire said:

Thanks  oh yea I have more...

 

Wayne: (Staring intently at a particularly vibrant sunset) You know, they say every sunset is a masterpiece. I'm starting to think the artist just got lazy and threw all the leftover paint up there.

 

Wayne: I tried that "dress for the job you want" thing. Showed up to my shift at the produce stand in a full suit of armor. Didn't go over well. Apparently, "Crusader of Cucumbers" isn't a real position.

 

Wayne: My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So, I accidentally bought 18 rubber chickens online. Now I'm starting a rubber chicken orchestra. It's... louder than you'd think.

 

Wayne: I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children." Thought, "that seems like a fair trade." Probably shouldn't have said it out loud to the crossing guard.

 

Wayne: Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, I replaced all the sugar in the coffee pot with salt. I'm now hiding from the fallout.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I think I'm falling for you.

Wax : Then get up.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wax : So what do you do?

Wayne: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers.

Wax : Wow, impressive.

Wayne: Then I'll move on to Leos.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wax : This is such a bad idea.

Wayne: Then why are you coming along?

Wax : One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wax , going over Wayne's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.

Wayne: Yes

Wax : Okay...may I know what you create?

Wayne : Problems.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: Schrödinger's cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that's both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kelsier: I'd like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I think my guardian angel drinks.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can't find a boo.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Shallan: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kelsier: Vin and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Sazed: * Sighing * What did Vin do?

Kelsier: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Vin: Who wants a steering wheel?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kelsier: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?

Sazed: I feel like we've all done that at least once.

Vin: I ate it too-

Sazed: See?

Vin::-On purpose...

Kelsier & Sazed: ...What?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Wax : That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Marasi: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Steris: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Truth or dare?

Wax : Dare

Wayne: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Wax : Hey Marasi

Marasi, blushing: Yeah?

Wax : Could you move? I'm trying to get to Steris

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Marasi: A doll.

Steris: A cinnamon roll.

Wax : A sweetheart.

Wayne:

Wayne: ...stop it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I'm gonna die alone.

Marasi : Wayne, you're not gonna die alone.

Wayne: Wax was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake.

Marasi: Uh- huh.Why is that?

Wayne: If I'm gonna be an old lonely person, I'm gonna need a thing, you know? A hook.Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.

Wayne: So I figured I'll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man.

Wayne: Then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies.Kids won't walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

----------------------------------------------------------------Wayne: Marasi, we're hungry!

Steris: Marasi! What's for dinner?

Wax : We're hungry, Marasi!

Marasi, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: * screams *

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Wax : I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Marasi: I got distracted about halfway through.

Steris: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Wax isn't answering their phone

Steris: I'll call

Wayne: Marasi and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Wax : Hello?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Christmas is cancelled.

Steris: You can't cancel a holiday.

Wayne: Keep it up, Steris, and you'll lose New Year's too.

Steris: What does that mean?

Wayne: Wax, take New Year's away from Steris.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Wax , pulling out an Uno card: +4

Marasi, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Steris, trembling: What are we playing

----------------------------------------------------------------Wayne: What if people had food names and food had people names?

Marasi: Hey, spaghetti, we're having Wayne for dinner.

Steris: What is wrong with you people?

Wax : Shut up, chocolate.

This is amazing, and I wish I could rep it more than once.

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

54 minutes ago, IHadAThought said:

This is my attempt, and though this was a lot harder than I thought it’d be, and this is still stormlight adjacent. It’s a bit long though.

The Lopen: *pats Raoden on the shoulder “I’m glad someone took my advice”

Raoden: “What?

The Lopen, “Yeah, it’s like I’ve been telling everyone, the ladies can’t resist the glow. I dabble in it every once in a while, a lady can only handle so much Lopen after all, glowing would be too much. But you, Gancho, you got it down”

Raoden: “Sarene loves me for much more than-“

Sarene: “No, he’s right”

Raoden: *turns to face her in astonishment “What?”

Sarene: *shrugs “What girl wouldn’t love a little sun in her life?”

Raoden: “I don’t know whether that’s a compliment or not…”

The Lopen: “Look, gancho, your glow is your best quality, it’s all bright and unique, I can’t get my glow to last nearly as long as yours, maybe you should call yourself ‘The Raoden’. I bet it makes it hard to sleep at night though”

Sarene: *laughs “the glow is worth it”

Raoden: “Is the glow all I’m good for?”

Sarene: “yes”

The Lopen: “She would wake up, talk to you with her seon and dream of the day you’d glow. Telling herself that it’s okay you look like a grumpy chill right now, because you’ll glow one day”

Raoden: “Sarene, tell me that’s not true”

Sarene: “It’s not true”

Raoden: *sighs with relief, then frowns “you’re not saying that just because I asked you, right?”

Sarene: “well….”

Raoden: “Sarene!”

 

 

3 hours ago, Ire said:

Thanks  oh yea I have more...

 

Wayne: (Staring intently at a particularly vibrant sunset) You know, they say every sunset is a masterpiece. I'm starting to think the artist just got lazy and threw all the leftover paint up there.

 

Wayne: I tried that "dress for the job you want" thing. Showed up to my shift at the produce stand in a full suit of armor. Didn't go over well. Apparently, "Crusader of Cucumbers" isn't a real position.

 

Wayne: My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So, I accidentally bought 18 rubber chickens online. Now I'm starting a rubber chicken orchestra. It's... louder than you'd think.

 

Wayne: I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children." Thought, "that seems like a fair trade." Probably shouldn't have said it out loud to the crossing guard.

 

Wayne: Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, I replaced all the sugar in the coffee pot with salt. I'm now hiding from the fallout.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I think I'm falling for you.

Wax : Then get up.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wax : So what do you do?

Wayne: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers.

Wax : Wow, impressive.

Wayne: Then I'll move on to Leos.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wax : This is such a bad idea.

Wayne: Then why are you coming along?

Wax : One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wax , going over Wayne's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.

Wayne: Yes

Wax : Okay...may I know what you create?

Wayne : Problems.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kaladin: Schrödinger's cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that's both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kelsier: I'd like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I think my guardian angel drinks.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Well you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific. It was because shut up. Shut up is why.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can't find a boo.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Shallan: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kelsier: Vin and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Sazed: * Sighing * What did Vin do?

Kelsier: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Vin: Who wants a steering wheel?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Kelsier: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?

Sazed: I feel like we've all done that at least once.

Vin: I ate it too-

Sazed: See?

Vin::-On purpose...

Kelsier & Sazed: ...What?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Wax : That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Marasi: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Steris: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Truth or dare?

Wax : Dare

Wayne: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Wax : Hey Marasi

Marasi, blushing: Yeah?

Wax : Could you move? I'm trying to get to Steris

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Marasi: A doll.

Steris: A cinnamon roll.

Wax : A sweetheart.

Wayne:

Wayne: ...stop it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: I'm gonna die alone.

Marasi : Wayne, you're not gonna die alone.

Wayne: Wax was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake.

Marasi: Uh- huh.Why is that?

Wayne: If I'm gonna be an old lonely person, I'm gonna need a thing, you know? A hook.Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.

Wayne: So I figured I'll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man.

Wayne: Then I'll get more snakes, call them my babies.Kids won't walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

----------------------------------------------------------------Wayne: Marasi, we're hungry!

Steris: Marasi! What's for dinner?

Wax : We're hungry, Marasi!

Marasi, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: * screams *

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Wax : I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Marasi: I got distracted about halfway through.

Steris: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Wax isn't answering their phone

Steris: I'll call

Wayne: Marasi and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Wax : Hello?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne: Christmas is cancelled.

Steris: You can't cancel a holiday.

Wayne: Keep it up, Steris, and you'll lose New Year's too.

Steris: What does that mean?

Wayne: Wax, take New Year's away from Steris.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Wax , pulling out an Uno card: +4

Marasi, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Steris, trembling: What are we playing

----------------------------------------------------------------Wayne: What if people had food names and food had people names?

Marasi: Hey, spaghetti, we're having Wayne for dinner.

Steris: What is wrong with you people?

Wax : Shut up, chocolate.

these people need a nobel peace prize

this just in: sharder memes inspire world peace by collective agreement of funnyment

[Myst He/Him]

9 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

 

these people need a nobel peace prize

this just in: sharder memes inspire world peace by collective agreement of funnyment

Thanks, if only the rest of the world saw it that way.