3/24/25 - Ace of Hearts - Labyrinth of Birdcages sub 10 (3943 words), VL

[Appol PhD they/he]

Not sure if this is content-warning-worthy, but just in case I'll say that there's some casual misgendering here.

 

Hope everyone's doing well! More of the same on this one--for those who have read up until this point, anything in particular that comes across as repetitive would be helpful to know.

 

Thanks!

[ginger_reckoning]

So, overall, I like how J relates to M's struggles a lot and how it brings up his own pains which I hope will get an even closer look later on. But I thought that this was resolved a little too quickly, though if it's similar to the other ones, I'm expecting one last push from the imposter to get M to stay in the next chapter. I also think that the developments with Mx. P are good, just enough to get you thinking while also keeping the mystery. 

 

 

Pg1 “haven’t tried to stop us out here” you know, that is a good point, it might be something to consider as a twist or something to make one of the arcs seem less repetitive, that the doppleganger tries to ruin the main character’s lives in the real world, which they might be able to do with the knowledge they have, or even the confrontation happening in the real world 

 

Why not confront M’s doppleganger since he is now sure that he isn’t real? Sorry, I dont remember if he’s tried that or not with any of the others

 

Pg 3

I mean, just the fact that they knew each other wouldn’t normally be suspicious, but the fact they were talking about taking a trip is interesting

 

I also like learning more information about the whole living situation

 

Pg5

“I teach high school” I was a little confused at first how this followed the preceding statement. If i’m interpreting correctly, they are saying this is why they haven’t stayed in touch?

 

“Bringing up the ‘trip’ he had planned” not sure if this is intentional misgendering or not

 

Pg7 “He’s the biggest suspect” again, not sure if intentional use of “he” or not

 

Pg12 I’m not sure how V attacking N here is any different than from when she did it before, or how it helps this situation. It seems like it would still be traumatic for M to see his dad disappear

 

Pg 13 It seems like this was resolved more quickly than the other ones, but I am not exactly sure if that’s true or not, page count wise

 

[Appol PhD they/he]

On 3/25/2025 at 1:50 PM, ginger_reckoning said:

But I thought that this was resolved a little too quickly

Thanks for the feedback! Part of the reason I've been talking about narrative cause and effect a lot is because it's been hard for me in this story, with characters' mental states being hard to coerce into something that follows those rules (in other words, J's actions need to get them to a better mental state instead of them just happening to get there after he does some stuff, which is hard). I think that's part of what you're seeing here, and that's really helpful to know!