3/3/25 - Ace of Hearts - Labyrinth of Birdcages sub 8, 4352 words (VL)

[Appol PhD they/he]

Hi everyone,

 

We have chapter 14 and the first part of chapter 15 here. As before, not a ton of specific questions. The narrative steps here follow the same pattern as the first arc (and will continue to do so in future arcs), so if certain parts start to feel overly repetitive that would be helpful to hear.

 

Thanks!

[ginger_reckoning]

In answer to your question, it did feel a little repetitive. Not sure what can be done about that. That being said, I do like how deep into the emotions of these characters this goes, and how the narrative treats the concerns of the characters as never being inconsequential. Some of the stuff the doppleganger brings up is legitimately troubling. More notes below. I think maybe it might seem less repetitive if the "showdown" were even a little less similar, like having J argue with the doppleganger while someone else is fighting both times is what makes it feel especially repetitve to me. Like maybe in a future one they have to go through a different perilous and tense situation, like defusing a bomb or something idk just spitballing

 

“Though you’re closer than you realize” this sentence took my a little to decipher. Also, I think you could cut the clause “as a pronoun” since that’s implied

 

“Why’s this thing throwing shade” haha yeah exactly. Would not be surprised if this thing called people f-slur tbh

 

pg3

 

Yeah, this doppleganger raises some really effective points. Not good points per se, but very brutal

 

Pg5 “Picking apart my psyche” valid point

 

I don’t know if this is really a criticism, but again having the answer be that J relates more than previously thought–before with him being bi, and now him being neurodivergent–is fine, I guess, but I feel like it puts more of the responsibility/importance on J as a character than V. I mean, he is the main character, so that tracks, but I would personally  like to see more of a breakthrough from V that comes from a personal place than from J Not that I think it’s bad J has autism or relates to other characters, I just wish they were a little more that was the realization V had to make. Sorry, I know that’s a tall order haha

 

Pg 7 

“Like they really are part of a video” I would cut the word “really” here, or replace the word “video” with anime, because I forgot for a second what this was a callback to, though I maybe shouldn’t have, I can be stupid sometimes 

 

Uh oh! They’re in trouble!

 

Pg 8 “to make out in the future” ughhh so awkward haha. (Also, like imagine if you actually did catch someone making out in your classroom and they said this matter of factly, it would be really weird but funny lol) 

 

“Rattle off excuses” damn, cold

 

Mx. P has been pretty nice thorughout the story, but I imagine after this encounter they probably know something about the otherworld 

 

Okay, looks like characters made the same conclusion so maybe not haha. Or at least, not evil, but they might still know something

 

“Self diagnosis” I actually did know this. This especially hits home for me because many of my friends are autistic or neurodivergent, and the hassle of getting a diagnosis or a prescription can be nightmarish. I’m sure you know that.

 

Also, I’m not an anti psychiatry expert, but some of this stuff definitely tracks with some of the stuff I’ve read on the movement. I think I might need to do a little more reading on the subject, I find it very interesting

 

Pg13 YOU DON”T NEED MONEY FOR DATES J SHE JUST WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU smh my head