2/10/25 - Ace of Hearts - Labyrinth of Birdcages sub 5 - 3852 words (L)

[Appol PhD they/he]

Hi everyone,

 

These couple of chapters are my attempt at writing more relaxed slice of life elements into the story, and I'm curious if they work well or if they need more conflict to stand up. Thanks!

[ginger_reckoning]

Perosnally I don't think that these chapters need more conflict, I think they advance the relationships in a believable way, and even with the fast pace of the story so far, I don't think this is too slow or anything. If anything, it still feels like the fast pace of the story is kept here, since there is basically only two scenes (the walk home and the birthday) between this and their next mission of saving V, which is where I assume this is heading

 

 

Pg1 “Doppleganger’s never unsure…” lol

“Faint and transparent” I will say, this is a small detail but this is what made me draw the connection to persona in the first place actually, the machine being transparent is a very video-game-mechanic thing imo 

 

Pg3 “to do this without asking” personally, if it’s a hug it seems more “rude” to me than “wrong” but of course, the character might think it’s wrong

 

Pg 4 I think its kind of adorable but also awkward how much J is overthinking things here, as is usual for him 

 

Pg 5 The explanation didn’t seem that long to me, though I could see someone being offended at being called a logic puzzle. So if this is trying to get across J overthinking again, it accomplishes that goal 

 

Pg 7 “V shoots me a flat look” haha yeah, agree with V here

 

Ah, after my own heart with always choosing the water types (Except turtwig, leaf turtle is number one) 

 

Yeah, I have to say V has it rough, I’m not sure I would want to be friends with J in her situation

 

“Plushies are way more expensive” So true! Looking at plushies to get for my sister for christmas and some were like 60$ !!!!

 

Pg13 I will say, I find it kind of funny that the way the narrative is set up, I’m a little suspicious of V trying to improve herself here haha