Mental health club!

[MirkerLurker she/her]

47 minutes ago, SpiritOfWrath said:

*another one rides the bus!*

oh my gosh, is that an actual parody, please tell me someone has made that into an actual parody song

[TwinStorm He/Him]

16 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

oh my gosh, is that an actual parody, please tell me someone has made that into an actual parody song

my friend

Weird Al

search it up

greatest parodies ever

[Keke They/he]

Ok

Its

So

Annoying

PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND

ok so I'm suck at verbalizing my sensory issues. 

AND MY DAD ISBEOEO

ok he's got these weights at home. I don't like them. Why? Cause... ekkekfofo ahhememsldl ya know? 

Ragh

And like hugs?

My mom is offended I don't wanna hug her. It's cause her she ya know? 

But people don't get it

And then my dad indirectly called me weak and a quitter

And that just tweeks me

[TwinStorm He/Him]

1 minute ago, Clinically insane said:

Ok

Its

So

Annoying

PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND

ok so I'm suck at verbalizing my sensory issues. 

AND MY DAD ISBEOEO

ok he's got these weights at home. I don't like them. Why? Cause... ekkekfofo ahhememsldl ya know? 

Ragh

And like hugs?

My mom is offended I don't wanna hug her. It's cause her she ya know? 

But people don't get it

And then my dad indirectly called me weak and a quitter

And that just tweeks me

*hugs*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

26 minutes ago, Clinically insane said:

Ok

Its

So

Annoying

PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND

ok so I'm suck at verbalizing my sensory issues. 

AND MY DAD ISBEOEO

ok he's got these weights at home. I don't like them. Why? Cause... ekkekfofo ahhememsldl ya know? 

Ragh

And like hugs?

My mom is offended I don't wanna hug her. It's cause her she ya know? 

But people don't get it

And then my dad indirectly called me weak and a quitter

And that just tweeks me

*hug*

That's not really fair to you

I'm sorry ;(

[Existential]

44 minutes ago, Clinically insane said:

Ok

Its

So

Annoying

PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND

ok so I'm suck at verbalizing my sensory issues. 

AND MY DAD ISBEOEO

ok he's got these weights at home. I don't like them. Why? Cause... ekkekfofo ahhememsldl ya know? 

Ragh

And like hugs?

My mom is offended I don't wanna hug her. It's cause her she ya know? 

But people don't get it

And then my dad indirectly called me weak and a quitter

And that just tweeks me

*hugs*

[reisleK she/her]

6 hours ago, MirkerLurker said:

 

Hey reisleK...I'll show you mine if you show me yours 

Guinea pigs, of course! 

 

   (Please forgive the babyvoice talk. It's a habit I picked up from other people, and now I can't ditch it because they know that's the voice I use when I'm talking to them, so they respond to it.)

Glad to see a fellow C&C cage owner!!

Here are photos of my boys (what's on my computer at least. Some of these are a year or two old, others are more recent)

I have 3, Mars, Jupiter, and Tommy. Tommy is my special boy (in many different ways, I don't love him any more than I love Mars and Jupe, he's just my heart pig)

Tommy lives alone due to hoarding situation trauma (he's a rescue as are my other two, except I fostered them with their mom and sister from when they were two days old)

Mars has the orange face, Jupiter has the stripe down the middle of his face, and Tommy has the headbowl (technically a crest or rosette)

[Boftrhand Bing/Bonged]

Good evening! I'm new and wanted to introduce myself with a story about something that happened today. 

Today I had an emotional response to something Kaladin said to Teft.

"We lift the bridge together,Teft. And we carry it."

I finally understood Bridge Four in that moment. It hit me hard and I'm not ashamed to say that I pulled my car over and I wept a little.

Years ago I left my home to make a new one in the military. What they didn't tell us is death follows you home in ways you can't know about until you're drowning in alcohol while your best friend suck starts a shotgun or your brother puts a rope around his own neck. 

I'm grown now. Retired from all that. I deliver baked goods now. Pastries and coffee. I put down alcohol. I watch my daughter play soccer. And I think about the five gaps under the bridge where my friends used to stand. And how I wasn't there for them when they decided to die. 

And I cry. 

When I'm done crying I call my friends. I'm lucky to still have three friends willing to lift this bridge with me. And I'm thankful that Sanderson has given me a framework for understanding this kind of pain. Bridge Four has a profound new meaning to me today. 

 

I'm also thankful for this platform and this forum for mental health. I've struggled with suicidal ideation for 29 years and I am still here. If anyone else is out there wanting to die, let's talk about it and see if we can't lift this bridge together. 

Edited March 7, 2025 by Boftrhand

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

2 minutes ago, Boftrhand said:

Good evening! I'm new and wanted to introduce myself with a story about something that happened today. 

Today I had an emotional response to something Kaladin said to Teft.

"We lift the bridge together,Teft. And we carry it."

I finally understood Bridge Four in that moment. It hit me hard and I'm not ashamed to say that I pulled my car over and I wept a little.

Years ago I left my home to make a new one in the military. What they didn't tell us is death follows you home in ways you can't know about until you're drowning in alcohol while your best friend suck starts a shotgun or your brother puts a rope around his own neck. 

I'm grown now. Retired from all that. I deliver baked goods now. Pastries and coffee. I put down alcohol. I watch my daughter play soccer. And I think about the five gaps under the bridge where my friends used to stand. And how I wasn't there for them when they decided to die. 

And I cry. 

When I'm done crying I call my friends. I'm lucky to still have three friends willing to lift this bridge with me. And I'm thankful that Sanderson has given me a framework for understanding this kind of pain. Bridge Four has a profound new meaning to me today. 

 

I'm also thankful for this platform and this forum for mental health. I've struggled with suicidal ideation for 29 years and I am still here. If anyone else is out there wanting to die, let's talk about it and see if we can't lift this bridge together. 

Oh, goodness

I'm so sorry for your losses. That sounds immensely, incredibly painful.

But I'm glad you were able to find some peace in these stories

*hug*

Thank you for your service.

[Keke They/he]

10 minutes ago, reisleK said:

Glad to see a fellow C&C cage owner!!

Here are photos of my boys (what's on my computer at least. Some of these are a year or two old, others are more recent)

I have 3, Mars, Jupiter, and Tommy. Tommy is my special boy (in many different ways, I don't love him any more than I love Mars and Jupe, he's just my heart pig)

Tommy lives alone due to hoarding situation trauma (he's a rescue as are my other two, except I fostered them with their mom and sister from when they were two days old)

Mars has the orange face, Jupiter has the stripe down the middle of his face, and Tommy has the headbowl (technically a crest or rosette)

AWEEE ADORABLE

9 minutes ago, Boftrhand said:

Good evening! I'm new and wanted to introduce myself with a story about something that happened today. 

Today I had an emotional response to something Kaladin said to Teft.

"We lift the bridge together,Teft. And we carry it."

I finally understood Bridge Four in that moment. It hit me hard and I'm not ashamed to say that I pulled my car over and I wept a little.

Years ago I left my home to make a new one in the military. What they didn't tell us is death follows you home in ways you can't know about until you're drowning in alcohol while your best friend suck starts a shotgun or your brother puts a rope around his own neck. 

I'm grown now. Retired from all that. I deliver baked goods now. Pastries and coffee. I put down alcohol. I watch my daughter play soccer. And I think about the five gaps under the bridge where my friends used to stand. And how I wasn't there for them when they decided to die. 

And I cry. 

When I'm done crying I call my friends. I'm lucky to still have three friends willing to lift this bridge with me. And I'm thankful that Sanderson has given me a framework for understanding this kind of pain. Bridge Four has a profound new meaning to me today. 

 

I'm also thankful for this platform and this forum for mental health. I've struggled with suicidal ideation for 29 years and I am still here. If anyone else is out there wanting to die, let's talk about it and see if we can't lift this bridge together. 

*hugs*

That. Is godawful.

I am so sorry for what happened. 

Its great that you found peace in the stories. 

This almost... this did make me cry

[reisleK she/her]

23 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

Tw suicidal themes 

  Hide contents

It’s been really bad today. And tonight especially. I’m losing interest in things and people I care deeply about, and everything feels flat. I’m lonely. I’m worthless. I’m sad. Thought about drafting a letter, just for fun, as an idle thought. Got irritated when I remembered I don’t have the stomach to actually go through with it, so there wouldn’t be a point. Why post it if it won’t happen, why write it if no one will see it. Why write this if no one should care? I dunno. They shouldn’t. But I am. I’m hurting everyone around me and I’m hurting myself by thinking this way but I really can’t help it. I don’t even know what way I’m thinking. I just feel heavy and worthless and nothing really matters, does it? Does it? What’s the real count of whether something matters? Is it the consequences of that thing, and what makes those consequences matter if so, and so forth? Is it how much happiness it will bring us, in which case why does happiness matter; just cuz it feels good? Is it how we help or improve others or ourselves, and if so, how do we know those people matter? What makes anything matter besides God saying it does? Do my feelings matter? Does this pain matter, and the fact that I’m going to have it on and off my whole entire life? Does that matter? Or does He just hate me and want me to suffer?

He should hate me. I do.

TL; DR- I’m sad. Again. Yeah.

Haly--

I just want to say that you're awesome and someone I really look up to. Keep going, you got this. When it's bad it feels like your entire life has been this way. It'll pass. You've gone through this before and you can do it again. I don't know what to say to help you but distracting myself until I feel better helps me. 

Does anything matter?
I don't know, that's up to you to decide. I struggle with that a lot too, at the very least my guinea pigs rely on me and they need me. I haven't figured it out yet, but I do know that life is worth it for the good days. Worth it for the animals, the people you meet, the books you read, the experiences you have, and so much more. 

I'm here if you need to reach out. I go on break starting tomorrow so I have a lot of time.

[Existential]

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

Spoiler

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

[reisleK she/her]

4 hours ago, MirkerLurker said:

Lol No beans. Noted. *scribbles on notepad*

Glad you get protein! Sadly, then maybe that's not as helpful as I was hoping. Yeah, a proper medical professional will be better - if you can get your mom to take you to a doctor, that would be great. Or a nutritionist maybe. 

I would offer to come and play with you, but, uh...well, the offer is there in spirit! T-T alas, the problems of online friends.

have you ever had chickpea brownies? depending on how you make them, they can be REALLY good

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

2 minutes ago, N̶̝̦͝u̶͇̠͒́l̷̺͇͔̩̯̆͜l̸̾̿̓̚ said:

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

  Reveal hidden contents

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

yeah 

*hug*

[Boftrhand Bing/Bonged]

23 hours ago, Halcyon The Only said:

Tw suicidal themes 

  Hide contents

It’s been really bad today. And tonight especially. I’m losing interest in things and people I care deeply about, and everything feels flat. I’m lonely. I’m worthless. I’m sad. Thought about drafting a letter, just for fun, as an idle thought. Got irritated when I remembered I don’t have the stomach to actually go through with it, so there wouldn’t be a point. Why post it if it won’t happen, why write it if no one will see it. Why write this if no one should care? I dunno. They shouldn’t. But I am. I’m hurting everyone around me and I’m hurting myself by thinking this way but I really can’t help it. I don’t even know what way I’m thinking. I just feel heavy and worthless and nothing really matters, does it? Does it? What’s the real count of whether something matters? Is it the consequences of that thing, and what makes those consequences matter if so, and so forth? Is it how much happiness it will bring us, in which case why does happiness matter; just cuz it feels good? Is it how we help or improve others or ourselves, and if so, how do we know those people matter? What makes anything matter besides God saying it does? Do my feelings matter? Does this pain matter, and the fact that I’m going to have it on and off my whole entire life? Does that matter? Or does He just hate me and want me to suffer?

He should hate me. I do.

TL; DR- I’m sad. Again. Yeah.

Good evening! It's nice to meet you. It's incredibly brave of you to write these things. You do matter. I've had similar questions most my life and it's been these last two years that have been hardest. I choose to believe it's because I'm doing something right and I'm winning and the enemy is fighting back. 

 

For myself, I had to find conviction. Something to believe in. I'm still searching and I don't have answers yet. But... Journey before destination right. The next step you take is the most important one. You can do this. I know because I did it. I know the sound the rope makes as it loosens. It is possible to put those thoughts down and choose a different, much harder path. It's harder because life is hard and you will be alive to experience it. 

 

I don't know you but I believe in you because a stranger once believed in me and it helped. You've got this. 

[reisleK she/her]

11 minutes ago, N̶̝̦͝u̶͇̠͒́l̷̺͇͔̩̯̆͜l̸̾̿̓̚ said:

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

  Hide contents

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

First *hugs*

Second (this also might be triggering for the same reasons as above, it's not super graphic but still)
This is not only for Null but for anyone who may need it. 

Spoiler

I've been clean for over 21 months. It's storming insane. My tactic is a little... odd. I tell myself "I'll do it later" every time I have the urge to cut. I believe myself every time (for some reason but also the urges aren't very strong anymore) plus I'm a master procrastinator so I just procrastinate it. For some reason, I don't want to be clean. I don't want to be at almost two years. So I tell myself "I'll do it later" to satisfy that part of my brain who still craves it. 

Progress isn't always linear. Some days are worse then others. Your healing process isn't going to look like mine or anyone else's. You are on your own path. You got this!

 

Edited March 7, 2025 by reisleK

[KnightSkye Reforged They/Them]

13 minutes ago, N̶̝̦͝u̶͇̠͒́l̷̺͇͔̩̯̆͜l̸̾̿̓̚ said:

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

  Hide contents

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

*hug*

A friend suggested to me to use ice, or really cold water instead, to shock the nervous system. I take ice cubes and run the edges over the scars when I want to cut myself again, and it has helped me.

34 minutes ago, Boftrhand said:

Good evening! I'm new and wanted to introduce myself with a story about something that happened today. 

Today I had an emotional response to something Kaladin said to Teft.

"We lift the bridge together,Teft. And we carry it."

I finally understood Bridge Four in that moment. It hit me hard and I'm not ashamed to say that I pulled my car over and I wept a little.

Years ago I left my home to make a new one in the military. What they didn't tell us is death follows you home in ways you can't know about until you're drowning in alcohol while your best friend suck starts a shotgun or your brother puts a rope around his own neck. 

I'm grown now. Retired from all that. I deliver baked goods now. Pastries and coffee. I put down alcohol. I watch my daughter play soccer. And I think about the five gaps under the bridge where my friends used to stand. And how I wasn't there for them when they decided to die. 

And I cry. 

When I'm done crying I call my friends. I'm lucky to still have three friends willing to lift this bridge with me. And I'm thankful that Sanderson has given me a framework for understanding this kind of pain. Bridge Four has a profound new meaning to me today. 

 

I'm also thankful for this platform and this forum for mental health. I've struggled with suicidal ideation for 29 years and I am still here. If anyone else is out there wanting to die, let's talk about it and see if we can't lift this bridge together. 

*hug*

Thank you for sharing this. 

Yes, these books are amazing, and help so much sometimes.

[Boftrhand Bing/Bonged]

10 minutes ago, N̶̝̦͝u̶͇̠͒́l̷̺͇͔̩̯̆͜l̸̾̿̓̚ said:

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

  Hide contents

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

I'm real sorry you're experiencing such terrible urges. I used to cut and I know the desire. The path you're on does have good outcomes. Just remember what we learned in the Way of Kings. The next step is the most important one. You can do this. And never forget, that feeling of being alone is a lie told to us by the enemy so that we will die a thousand little deaths before killing ourselves for real. You are not alone. These connections we make matter and the belief of a stranger can be a powerful thing. I do believe in you.

8 minutes ago, reisleK said:

First *hugs*

Second (this also might be triggering for the same reasons as above, it's not super graphic but still)
This is not only for Null but for anyone who may need it. 

  Hide contents

Progress isn't always linear. 

 

"progress isn't always linear" 

 

This is a powerful reminder that failure is part of every success. Mistakes make us who we are. We must accept our mistakes and our failures.

 

Damnation do these books just have every great mental health lesson wrapped up into them??! Dalinar and Kaladin might as well be running grief counseling sessions lol. 

[Bird Furious she/her/un/important]

6 hours ago, MirkerLurker said:

Well. It's been a bit, and a lot's gone down in here. I'm gonna ramble a bit about why I haven't been on, and then address everything else.

The reason I haven't been on is because I fell in my martial arts class and severely sprained my ankle. That's messed up all my usual routines. Everything takes longer, so most of my free time has gone into getting the basic things done that need to get done, because it takes so long to move around

But you know what? Usually, with an injury, you'd think I'd be in pain, right?

Well, I went to urgent care, and they gave me this boot cast thing to wear (remove it at night - not a typical cast, it's not broken). And it's MAGIC, I tell you. As long as I have it on, my ankle doesn't hurt. I'm not walking on it (gots mahself a sweet pair of crutches, complete with waterbottle holder and little pocket for carrying small things), but I can bump it, lean on it a bit, thwack it with a crutch by accident, and it doesn't. Hurt. MAGIC, I say.

Which means I have the luxury of feeling inconvenienced.

Which sounds weird. But usually, I'd be hurting, and too wrapped up in the pain and trying to avoid it to pay attention to the rest of the world. Instead, I'm free enough of pain that I'm able to notice the inconveniences - taking longer to get around, having trouble carrying things, getting in other people's way. And instead of that bothering me, it's reminding me of how glad I am that it doesn't hurt. So I am deliberately keeping that mindset. Yeah, I've gotten sore over this past week, as my shoulders aren't used to carrying me around as much. Yeah, I'm slow. Yeah, I'm not getting as much done. And you know what? I'm awake and alert and pain-free enough to notice it. And that's good. It's taking a weird positive spin on the little negative things. What's that, brain? You want me to be irritated and grumpy? NO. Take that! Hi-Yah! 

I will say though, that it's also engaging to have something majorly different happen. It breaks up the usual routines, which my autism side hates but my need for variety and interest loves. It's an interesting challenge figuring out how to do various tasks.

Also, it's nice to have an injury that's visible, instead of invisible. When you walk around in a cast with crutches, everyone is encouraging, no matter how poorly you're doing at getting something done or how slowly you're going.

Sometimes I'm glad mental stuff isn't visible. Other times, I wish it was. So this is a nice change of pace.

 

Alright, responding to people! Fun/positive stuff first, then more serious stuff.

 

Yessss! Innuendo is my immediate sense of humor.

Which is a problem when I'm an adult trying to lead and set an example for a group of teenagers in a public setting. (I volunteer with the youth group at my church. It's a ton of fun. But oh man, the number of comments I have to not make...)
 

YES. BLOOD IS TASTY

Other people's too. 

Unless the person is anemic

Then it tastes weird.

Fun fact, back in high school I diagnosed a friend with anemia because her blood didn't taste like it had enough iron in it. I was correct. 

(I had a reputation for biting people back in high school and college. It kept most people at a distance, and those that hung out anyway a) were a little weird themselves and therefore more fun to hang out with, and b) respected my personal boundaries. Everybody thought I was a little cray-cray and a little bit dangerous, and that served me well.)

 

Yes! Urbex looks like a lot of fun, BUT: Please be careful when doing so. My town has a number of old factory buildings that are broken down and abandoned. One day while I was walking past one of them (no one else around, no big trucks going down the road, literally nothing but me walking), a large chunk of wall suddenly crumbled and smashed in the middle of the courtyard. Out of nowhere. Nothing triggered it. It just went "I'm done now" and smashed into pieces. Maybe fifteen feet from where I was. 

Old buildings are cool, but please look at structural integrity while exploring. No dying, kthnx.

(Which actually connects to my guess as to why it's illegal: PAPERWORK. If someone gets hurt while climbing through, and then sues the town, it creates a crapton of paperwork. Or if someone dies, the town gets major negative publicity and also more paperwork. Stupid? Yes. True? Probably also yes.)

 

Breath of the Wild!! WOO!! Super great game!!

 

Physical: I like my hair. It's super long (like, almost to my knees); medium brown in indoor lights, but bronze with gold and copper tints in sunlight. A little frizzier than I'd prefer, and it's usually pulled back with a bunch of tendrils escaping around my head, but if I bother to put a bit of time into it and leave it down, it falls down my back in cascading waves. I like my hands; they're mine. I like that I've gotten some muscle definition into my arms and torso; it's taken some time and a lot of work, but I've got strength, and can use it. I like that I can swing my kids around, and run with them, and pass a soccer ball back and forth with them without getting tired or sore.

Non-physical: I can listen well. I'm good at sitting with a person and listening, giving them my attention. Uh...I'm good at being vulnerable. And at forgiveness. I don't hold grudges. Every now and then I'll get WAY TOO SUPER EXCITED BY SOMETHING and I love those moments, they're so much fun and usually they make everyone around me smile too. I can sit and be quiet for a while. I have a good ear for music, and can hear and pick up harmonies very quickly. ...Huh. I'd forgotten until I was writing this, but I have an ok eye for photography composition. And beauty in nature will often stop me in my tracks, to glory in the wonder of it for a moment. Whether a mountain, or a snowflake; a sunset casting fire across the sky, or a tiny fern bud just starting to unfurl. I like that about myself.

Something that went well this past week: Finally took my car in to get it fixed, it was done in a day, and now it's quiet when it drives and it's lovely.

Something that I did that I liked: Watched The Fellowship of the Ring 

 

Petrichor! This just got added to my Background Music playlist, thank you.

BEARDIE!

Yes I already knew about him, I'm still excited. I love him. The little tongue blep. eeeee!

Hey reisleK...I'll show you mine if you show me yours 

Guinea pigs, of course! 

 

   (Please forgive the babyvoice talk. It's a habit I picked up from other people, and now I can't ditch it because they know that's the voice I use when I'm talking to them, so they respond to it.)

 

YES

Playfighting is so much fun!! I adore playfighting.

 

"For example, in a study comparing lifters getting 6 hours of sleep to 8, the people who got 6 had 50% less muscle growth than the 8hr peeps"
...Wut.
Oh.
Well.
Alright then.

That protein calculation is useful though, thanks! I know you boost protein intake to build muscle, but a number to shoot for is helpful.

I, uh...didn't know the sleep thing.

So I'm not a medical professional, but I am a baker. Have you ever tried baking with protein powder? Muffins, cookies, scones, sweet breads, brownies - you can substitute protein powder for some of the flour in just about any recipe. 1/4 - 1/3 of the flour can be swapped for protein powder (so if 3 cups of flour are called for, use 1 cup protein powder and 2 cups flour), and it's a good idea to increase the oil or fat content a little bit to help prevent a dry end product. 

You can also put it in smoothies - homemade coffee smoothies are my fave, and a good way to get a quick boost of sugar while also loading up on protein. 

This is a good more detailed overview of baking with protein powder if you want to try: https://mattsfitchef.com/baking-with-protein-powder-instead-of-flour/

 

And all you guys saying you should get more physical exerise...Well? Go do some! Try different things, figure out what works better for you, but do something! Physical activity is one of the factors to more stable mental health. It's not a miracle cure, it's not instant, it's not everything, but it's good. Try yoga, or swimming, or gymnastics, or sword classes, or whatever keeps you interested and moving and healthy. Heck, I did Dance Dance Revolution several times a week as exercise for a number of years. It worked - kept me moving, and kept me from getting bored like I did with regular exercise.

 

 

Harder/darker stuff:

 

*hug* if you want it.

Sometimes there's not a spark. Sometimes there is, and it's helpful to trace it out and address what's causing the recurrence. But sometimes there's not; sometimes it's better to just work with where you are rather than trying to trace it. Either way, we're here for you.

 

So I see that both of these happened, and you know what? I'm still gonna celebrate the first post. Because it's still awesome! It's still an achievement. It's not wasted or lost. *hug* You're still doing well. Going longer stretches in between is good progress in recovery. You've got this. 

 

Suppressing is a useful tool to have, depending on what it's being applied to and as long as it's not being used to prevent progress. For fears, it's a good one. Think of it like exposure therapy; it's good to be able to talk about it without immediately spiraling. Being able to put something aside as needed is good. It may re-emerge later, but that doesn't mean you're not making real progress now. Things we struggle with and get better in often re-emerge - but now we have more practice with them. It doesn't negate the progress we made before, even if it feels like it at the time. 

 

YES

I hate that. *hug*

 

*hug*

 

Hey, welcome. This is absolutely a place to come and vent.

I don't know your relationship with your parents, so I can't give much advice. If you talked to them about struggling in school, would they be supportive or harsh? If you told them that you want to be doing better but all the anxiety of struggling is making that harder, how would they take that? I don't know, so I can't recommend anything, but those are questions you should think through. Always ask "How much help can I safely ask for?" 

 

I don't hate you.

Thank you for having the courage to talk about it. I'm gonna PM you. (It might be a few hours before I get the message written up to my satisfaction and actually send it, but it'll be there)

 

*hug*

I'm sorry that's where you are.

No, God doesn't hate you. But I get why it feels that way. I'm with #1 Taln Fan on this one - go read some psalms. Not just the one he referenced. There's a lot of people yelling their feelings at God in there. Book of Job, too, for suffering. And Ecclesiastes, for meaninglessness.

But those are words on a page. Good reading, yes, but they're not people, real people, who know you and care about you.

"Why should they care"...well, why shouldn't they? It's not about should or shouldn't - they do. We do. And yeah, it hurts to hear someone wishing they could suicide. But I'd rather sit through that pain with you than not have you around. Remember that - those people you're worried you're hurting? Who are still here with you? They'd rather be here with you in that pain than not have you. They think you're worth getting hurt for. They're choosing you - all of you. You are loved. Regardless of whether or not you feel it, or whether you think you're worth it.

Ow no please heal up nice for me ok? 

And thank you

1 hour ago, Clinically insane said:

Ok

Its

So

Annoying

PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND

ok so I'm suck at verbalizing my sensory issues. 

AND MY DAD ISBEOEO

ok he's got these weights at home. I don't like them. Why? Cause... ekkekfofo ahhememsldl ya know? 

Ragh

And like hugs?

My mom is offended I don't wanna hug her. It's cause her she ya know? 

But people don't get it

And then my dad indirectly called me weak and a quitter

And that just tweeks me

HMPH

…………

I don’t suppose murder would help

(flrtiaj)

50 minutes ago, Boftrhand said:

Good evening! I'm new and wanted to introduce myself with a story about something that happened today. 

Today I had an emotional response to something Kaladin said to Teft.

"We lift the bridge together,Teft. And we carry it."

I finally understood Bridge Four in that moment. It hit me hard and I'm not ashamed to say that I pulled my car over and I wept a little.

Years ago I left my home to make a new one in the military. What they didn't tell us is death follows you home in ways you can't know about until you're drowning in alcohol while your best friend suck starts a shotgun or your brother puts a rope around his own neck. 

I'm grown now. Retired from all that. I deliver baked goods now. Pastries and coffee. I put down alcohol. I watch my daughter play soccer. And I think about the five gaps under the bridge where my friends used to stand. And how I wasn't there for them when they decided to die. 

And I cry. 

When I'm done crying I call my friends. I'm lucky to still have three friends willing to lift this bridge with me. And I'm thankful that Sanderson has given me a framework for understanding this kind of pain. Bridge Four has a profound new meaning to me today. 

 

I'm also thankful for this platform and this forum for mental health. I've struggled with suicidal ideation for 29 years and I am still here. If anyone else is out there wanting to die, let's talk about it and see if we can't lift this bridge together. 

That sounds awful, wow… thank you for your service

*hugs*

39 minutes ago, reisleK said:

Haly--

I just want to say that you're awesome and someone I really look up to. Keep going, you got this. When it's bad it feels like your entire life has been this way. It'll pass. You've gone through this before and you can do it again. I don't know what to say to help you but distracting myself until I feel better helps me. 

Does anything matter?
I don't know, that's up to you to decide. I struggle with that a lot too, at the very least my guinea pigs rely on me and they need me. I haven't figured it out yet, but I do know that life is worth it for the good days. Worth it for the animals, the people you meet, the books you read, the experiences you have, and so much more. 

I'm here if you need to reach out. I go on break starting tomorrow so I have a lot of time.

Thanks, I might pm you Judy to chat  

31 minutes ago, N̶̝̦͝u̶͇̠͒́l̷̺͇͔̩̯̆͜l̸̾̿̓̚ said:

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

  Reveal hidden contents

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

*many many hugs*

28 minutes ago, Boftrhand said:

Good evening! It's nice to meet you. It's incredibly brave of you to write these things. You do matter. I've had similar questions most my life and it's been these last two years that have been hardest. I choose to believe it's because I'm doing something right and I'm winning and the enemy is fighting back. 

 

For myself, I had to find conviction. Something to believe in. I'm still searching and I don't have answers yet. But... Journey before destination right. The next step you take is the most important one. You can do this. I know because I did it. I know the sound the rope makes as it loosens. It is possible to put those thoughts down and choose a different, much harder path. It's harder because life is hard and you will be alive to experience it. 

 

I don't know you but I believe in you because a stranger once believed in me and it helped. You've got this. 

Thank you  

16 minutes ago, KnightSkye said:

*hug*

A friend suggested to me to use ice, or really cold water instead, to shock the nervous system. I take ice cubes and run the edges over the scars when I want to cut myself again, and it has helped me.

*hug*

Thank you for sharing this. 

Yes, these books are amazing, and help so much sometimes.

*hugs* 

also good to know

[Boftrhand Bing/Bonged]

43 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

Oh, goodness

I'm so sorry for your losses. That sounds immensely, incredibly painful.

But I'm glad you were able to find some peace in these stories

*hug*

Thank you for your service.

 

36 minutes ago, Clinically insane said:

AWEEE ADORABLE

*hugs*

That. Is godawful.

I am so sorry for what happened. 

Its great that you found peace in the stories. 

This almost... this did make me cry

Thank you both. Things like Bridge Four and Dalinar's understanding of The Way of Kings, does give a sliver of peace. I think of it a bit like the lord ruler. He was said to be a sliver of preservation. And much like our understanding of Preservation, peace seems to be shrouded in darkness and confusion. 

 

I'm really enjoying the parallels to the books that we're drawing up tonight. 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

3 minutes ago, Boftrhand said:

 

Thank you both. Things like Bridge Four and Dalinar's understanding of The Way of Kings, does give a sliver of peace. I think of it a bit like the lord ruler. He was said to be a sliver of preservation. And much like our understanding of Preservation, peace seems to be shrouded in darkness and confusion. 

 

I'm really enjoying the parallels to the books that we're drawing up tonight. 

Thank you

I think what you said was really insightful and good to hear

[Keke They/he]

1 hour ago, N̶̝̦͝u̶͇̠͒́l̷̺͇͔̩̯̆͜l̸̾̿̓̚ said:

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

  Hide contents

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

*hugs*

I have the same issue. I was doing good but a few nights ago I did it again.

It sucks alot

Tonight I was close but I reached out to taln and we chatted for a few hours and the distraction helped. 

1 hour ago, reisleK said:

First *hugs*

Second (this also might be triggering for the same reasons as above, it's not super graphic but still)
This is not only for Null but for anyone who may need it. 

  Reveal hidden contents

I've been clean for over 21 months. It's storming insane. My tactic is a little... odd. I tell myself "I'll do it later" every time I have the urge to cut. I believe myself every time (for some reason but also the urges aren't very strong anymore) plus I'm a master procrastinator so I just procrastinate it. For some reason, I don't want to be clean. I don't want to be at almost two years. So I tell myself "I'll do it later" to satisfy that part of my brain who still craves it. 

Progress isn't always linear. Some days are worse then others. Your healing process isn't going to look like mine or anyone else's. You are on your own path. You got this!

 

Mmmm procrastination 

Interesting method

1 hour ago, Boftrhand said:

Good evening! It's nice to meet you. It's incredibly brave of you to write these things. You do matter. I've had similar questions most my life and it's been these last two years that have been hardest. I choose to believe it's because I'm doing something right and I'm winning and the enemy is fighting back. 

 

For myself, I had to find conviction. Something to believe in. I'm still searching and I don't have answers yet. But... Journey before destination right. The next step you take is the most important one. You can do this. I know because I did it. I know the sound the rope makes as it loosens. It is possible to put those thoughts down and choose a different, much harder path. It's harder because life is hard and you will be alive to experience it. 

 

I don't know you but I believe in you because a stranger once believed in me and it helped. You've got this. 

Even the smallest act of kindess or the slightest smile can change a life. 

1 hour ago, Boftrhand said:

I'm real sorry you're experiencing such terrible urges. I used to cut and I know the desire. The path you're on does have good outcomes. Just remember what we learned in the Way of Kings. The next step is the most important one. You can do this. And never forget, that feeling of being alone is a lie told to us by the enemy so that we will die a thousand little deaths before killing ourselves for real. You are not alone. These connections we make matter and the belief of a stranger can be a powerful thing. I do believe in you.

"progress isn't always linear" 

 

This is a powerful reminder that failure is part of every success. Mistakes make us who we are. We must accept our mistakes and our failures.

 

Damnation do these books just have every great mental health lesson wrapped up into them??! Dalinar and Kaladin might as well be running grief counseling sessions lol. 

YES BEST IDEA 

Online group therapy hits hard. 

But srsly this is true. Your a smart man. 

1 hour ago, Halcyon The Only said:

Ow no please heal up nice for me ok? 

And thank you

HMPH

…………

I don’t suppose murder would help

(flrtiaj)

That sounds awful, wow… thank you for your service

*hugs*

Thanks, I might pm you Judy to chat  

*many many hugs*

Thank you  

*hugs* 

also good to know

Mmmmm murder. 

1 hour ago, Boftrhand said:

 

Thank you both. Things like Bridge Four and Dalinar's understanding of The Way of Kings, does give a sliver of peace. I think of it a bit like the lord ruler. He was said to be a sliver of preservation. And much like our understanding of Preservation, peace seems to be shrouded in darkness and confusion. 

 

I'm really enjoying the parallels to the books that we're drawing up tonight. 

Yeah finding the connection between books and life is awesome

Hence why I love renarin. 

[TwinStorm He/Him]

7 hours ago, Boftrhand said:

Good evening! I'm new and wanted to introduce myself with a story about something that happened today. 

Today I had an emotional response to something Kaladin said to Teft.

"We lift the bridge together,Teft. And we carry it."

I finally understood Bridge Four in that moment. It hit me hard and I'm not ashamed to say that I pulled my car over and I wept a little.

Years ago I left my home to make a new one in the military. What they didn't tell us is death follows you home in ways you can't know about until you're drowning in alcohol while your best friend suck starts a shotgun or your brother puts a rope around his own neck. 

I'm grown now. Retired from all that. I deliver baked goods now. Pastries and coffee. I put down alcohol. I watch my daughter play soccer. And I think about the five gaps under the bridge where my friends used to stand. And how I wasn't there for them when they decided to die. 

And I cry. 

When I'm done crying I call my friends. I'm lucky to still have three friends willing to lift this bridge with me. And I'm thankful that Sanderson has given me a framework for understanding this kind of pain. Bridge Four has a profound new meaning to me today. 

 

I'm also thankful for this platform and this forum for mental health. I've struggled with suicidal ideation for 29 years and I am still here. If anyone else is out there wanting to die, let's talk about it and see if we can't lift this bridge together. 

*hugs*

thank you for your duty to your country

[Hoid Slayer He/Him]

9 hours ago, N̶̝̦͝u̶͇̠͒́l̷̺͇͔̩̯̆͜l̸̾̿̓̚ said:

*laughs awkwardly*

Hey gang

Storytime (sorry this is really awkward I'm trying but I'm not good at the whole sharing feelings thing)

Tw, SH and other such themes 

  Hide contents

So, the basis is I struggled with SH for like 2 years, and I got a handle on it at one point and thought I was doing fine. It was mostly dull blades because I didn't wanna leave any permanent marks but still do whatever I guess. It was a rough time, I really thought about taking a step into the street. I almost did. It was... not fun. I really worked on myself after that, gave my knife to someone I trusted to stop me from doing it, and proceeded not to tell them why. I worked on myself in therapy and things to help me understand the why. It was a lot, but eventually I got through it. Eventually,I got the knife back, but I didn't want to have that temptation again, so I threw it into the forest. I haven't seen it since. I wanted so badly to go back. But it doesn't just go away. I had a resurgence last night. I looked at my multitool I got for work and opened it. I didn't do anything. I just stared at it. Thinking a lot about how I felt useless and like a dead weight for those I care about. I felt like nothing. I wanted to help but I just couldn't. For some reason, I didn't know how. I was terrified, but I went to bed just thinking about it. I woke up this morning and knew I wasn't in a place to hold on to it. So I gave it to someone else. She's holding it for me for right now. But I'm scared. I don't wanna go back. It was a dark place. I don't wanna be that person again. I'm really writing right now because I need to put it out on paper. But I'm terrified. Does anyone have any ideas to just... walk away?

 

 

If you have free arms, I'd love hugs. You don't have to though. Thank you guys for reading

That sounds really hard. I’m glad you were able to climb out of that hole, at least for now, and that therapy helped you better understand your issue.

Now, for your current situation: I know what it’s like to feel like you’re doing great and suddenly have an urge come upon you. And yes, it is terrifying. This is the true test of your progress, and you worry you won’t be able to pass it. When that happens, try to think about how your life has changed after you stopped the first time. Think about the negative consequences of taking this step. Think about the things that matter to you, and how this will affect them. And think about how you matter.

With an addiction like this, it’s easy to get stuck in a bubble where you convince yourself that just a little more won’t do any harm. You might even convince yourself you deserve it. It’s good that you’re scared. It means you’re no longer trapped in that bubble.

@reisleK said progress isn’t always linear. I’ll add on to that; progress isn’t just numbers on a page. It’s also emotion, and mental willpower. This is something you need to cultivate, until you reach the point where you can feel that urge, hold the blade in your hand, and set it down. Until then, there will always be people to hold the blade for you. And if you never reach that point, that’s okay as well. What matters is that you recognize this progress, because you are constantly fighting to make it.

[ANHlittleinsane girl but gendern't mostly]

*hugs for everyone*
FRIDAY!!! We made itttttttt

anyways, I’ve got a fun little story I kinda just want to get off my chest:

(tw: throwing up, chocking, general adults undermining kids) (don’t worry I was fine)

Spoiler

I go to a sleepaway camp, there is a stained glass class. I went to said stained glass class because I’ve been doing it every year and I love soldering. It’s super hot this day, and our teacher is an elderly lady. Around the end of the class she gets dizzy, drinks some water, tells us to start cleaning up. At the time I didn’t realize we only had five minutes left, and it was scary to me that she could just calmly recite instructions while dizzy, almost as if this had happened before. A minute later she starts to throw up, and we panic. It’s me, another girl a year older than me, three other kids my age, and one nine year old girl. We run to get more counselors, and Sophie (9 yr old) steps outside cause this is super scary. The counselor teaching in the adjoined room runs in, she’s also panicking a bit, we (the kids/teens) start running to the Health Lodge. We’re all one second away from a panic attack, but we have to take care of Sophia because I dunno, maternal instincts. We’re pretty rattled the rest of the day, but everything ends up fine. At the daily pre-dinner meeting, the camp owners say that the stained glass teacher went to the hospital, she’s fine, but she fainted a little. One of the campers, I didn’t see who, has the nerve to say “hydrate or diedrate.” Everyone who was in the stained glass class are sitting on a table off to the side, I walk over, and we’re all like “wtf???” Because it wasn’t really just dehydration. She was tilted upwards while she was throwing up, I could hear it, which means so could the little kid. Julia, who left last, could see her face getting purple a little. It doesn’t matter that she was fine, and it doesn’t matter that the staff doesn’t want to scare the littler kids. Sophia was there, she was so scared. Wasn’t she a little kid? Weren’t we all kids? How come we didn’t get lied to? Why do we have to never know if our teacher’s okay or not, why do we need to wait an entire summer for closure? If she isn’t there this summer, who will tell us if she just retired, or if this happened again? A bit later we all asked to call our parents, and were allowed to (no calling unless previously scheduled, unless there’s some kind of emergency). And we’re here, crying into the old-school phone thingy, and there’s just total confusion, or “yeah she’s fine you’re being dramatic” from all our parents. And it’s like hello??? What??? Why?????

Anyways that was a while ago though, kinda just felt like venting

how was everyone’s day/yesterday?