12-16-14-ginger_reckoning-"A song for silence" sub 9, 3424 words, (V, L)

[ginger_reckoning]

Hey all! Thanks again for reading. Not much to say for this sub in particular, so any general notes or critiques you have are appreciated. Thanks!

[Silk she/her]

Has there been a time skip between this and the last chapter? Maybe WRS, but I didn’t realize we were in a swamp.

That said, I think this is one of the best place descriptions we’ve gotten so far.

Edit: yeah, think it was just getting oriented to being outside the witches' house. Took me a few paragraphs to figure that out, though. 

“It could choose what it took with it when it teleported…” Would A and L not have known this already?

I’m still not totally clear how much of a physical threat A poses to S—S has never seemed particularly physically vulnerable before. I guess it has skin and important things in its neck? And can breathe?

P3 “Just one precious self.” Oh, this bit about it being cut off from its other instances and therefore vulnerable makes sense, and is interesting.

P5 Wait, did S find another instance of itself?

P10 “baby’s first dysphoria” lol

“You shall inhabit this body for the rest of your days” – why? Are the rest of them planning on killing it when this is done? Do they have any way to enforce it sticking to this form?

Overall: I’m finding the sections of the book that focus on relationships more engaging than the ones like this one that are focusing mostly on plot. Partly that’s about me as an audience, but that also just seems to be mostly where this specific story is hitting.

My major stumbling block with regard to this chapter, and I touched on this in my LBLs, is that I still don’t feel like I have a good understanding of who’s capable of what, who is actually threatening to whom, etc. Without that foundation, it makes it harder to invest in all the jockeying for position that si happening in this chapter (and elsewhere).

[Appol PhD they/he]

Excited to dig back into the story!

Overall: My comments from before about not being as invested in the floating city plotline hold here, but I do like the bits of characterization we get from S. I think that these scenes are good for establishing the dynamic between A and S, and I’d think they’d slot in nicely with some larger plot changes.  

As I go:

Pg 2-3. The banter around the development on page 2 is fun, but the discussion on page 3 feels like it’s rehashing old ground with no new insight. And S running here feels more like it’s diverting the plot than advancing it, if that makes sense.

Pg 5. Similar thoughts on the skeleton here. My investment in the story is mostly about A and L’s dynamic, so S wrangling with monsters feels like it’s stalling that plot.

Pg 7. I like the characterization we get from S here about people wanting to die

Pg 10. If S appeared as humans before, why is it getting dysmorphia only now? I’d think swapping around bodies previously could manage dysmorphia, but not prevent it from coming up at all (though obviously my intuition might not make sense for S).

[ginger_reckoning]

On 1/3/2025 at 2:26 PM, Silk said:

“It could choose what it took with it when it teleported…” Would A and L not have known this already?

That is a good point, I still haven't thought of how to address this, because yeah, it does seem like a very very foolish plan, espeically if they did not know this

On 1/3/2025 at 2:26 PM, Silk said:

“You shall inhabit this body for the rest of your days” – why? Are the rest of them planning on killing it when this is done? Do they have any way to enforce it sticking to this form?

Another good point! I think I need to make it more clear that this S can't move to other hosts now, either. Or at least, is too afraid to try since it will die if the new host doesn't take

 

On 1/3/2025 at 2:26 PM, Silk said:

My major stumbling block with regard to this chapter, and I touched on this in my LBLs, is that I still don’t feel like I have a good understanding of who’s capable of what, who is actually threatening to whom, etc

That's also fair, and a problem that I think will be hard for me specifically to solve. One of my goals is to kind of ride the line between the "soft" and "hard" magic systems (sidenote: not a huge fan of those terms either haha) and I especially want the magic to not feel like something out of a Sanderson book (though, you know, obviously a fan) but it seems like I'll need to put in a little more work to abide with Sanderson's first law of magic haha

23 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said:

Pg 2-3. The banter around the development on page 2 is fun, but the discussion on page 3 feels like it’s rehashing old ground with no new insight. And S running here feels more like it’s diverting the plot than advancing it, if that makes sense.

 

Pg 5. Similar thoughts on the skeleton here. My investment in the story is mostly about A and L’s dynamic, so S wrangling with monsters feels like it’s stalling that plot

That's fair. I feel like I need some kind of scene like this though, to explain in later chapters why S doesn't just try to run away, and why it is so scared/respectful of A when it hasn't been in the past. 

 

23 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said:

Pg 10. If S appeared as humans before, why is it getting dysmorphia only now? I’d think swapping around bodies previously could manage dysmorphia, but not prevent it from coming up at all (though obviously my intuition might not make sense for S).

This is one thing I do want to be sensitive about, since obviously I don't want to compare all people who suffer from dysmorphia to evil goop monster. I think it's more that S feels trapped since it could easily change its appearance before, so maybe calling out dysphoria specifically isn't a good idea, but I personally kind of like it. Idk personally

Thanks so much for the input!