People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[18th Shard he/him]

My favorite ones are:Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye and Neither the seller not the manufacture will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product.

 

Eye spikes Snickerdoodle cookies. Buy two and you don't have to worry about being blinded by lasers or bright lights will enjoy your day a whole lot more.

 

What about rhinos? I think we could mass charge sell spikes cookies by replacing a rhino horn with an uncharged spike  starting a rhino petting zoo and then lining up victims willing donors and let them be run through touch the rhino.

 

Edit: to be added to the disclaimers:

Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor.

Edited October 28, 2014 by 18th Shard

[dants he/him]

As the inaugural member to this group started by Kurkistan some time ago I thought that I should increase our recruiting, and to that end have decided to formally make it a group.

Come to the dark alley. We have cookies.

 

OH YEAH!? COME TO THE LIGHT ALLEY! WE HAVE..... POTATOES. Never mind, I'm coming to the dark alley. See ya later, foolish light-alleyers!

[Fatebreaker he/him]

OH YEAH!? COME TO THE LIGHT ALLEY! WE HAVE..... POTATOES. Never mind, I'm coming to the dark alley. See ya later, foolish light-alleyers!

 

Actually the Light Alley is just a subsidiary of the Dark Alley with really good advertising.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

What about these spikes cookies I have? The bodies are starting to smell cookies are ready. Would anyone like a free spike cookie? The helmuargic power is dripping cookies are starting to get old. 

 

Bro, you don't try to sell cookies to the Alley. That's just poor judgement. that's like trying to swindle Kelsier.  

 

However, if you want baking advise, on proper storage and refrigeration techniques for example, we could possibly help you.

[18th Shard he/him]

So I was talking with a friend. There is a lot of potential for spike-y hedgehogs. And narwhals. And the echidna (spikey anteater). I mean, animals need spikes cookies too.

[traceria she/her]

So, I've been thinking...  I'm not a member, but I was the first victim.  You've got all this spikes cookies stuff going on, but why not actually make cookies and other baked goods WITH the spikes in them.  Like, for example, any cookie or baked good that would normally have almond slivers, you could do a direct substitute for little spikes.  Then your victim customer takes a bite and, voila!  All the work can be done for you!

[Edgedancer he/him]

So, I've been thinking...  I'm not a member, but I was the first victim.  You've got all this spikes cookies stuff going on, but why not actually make cookies and other baked goods WITH the spikes in them.  Like, for example, any cookie or baked good that would normally have almond slivers, you could do a direct substitute for little spikes.  Then your victim customer takes a bite and, voila!  All the work can be done for you!

Sadly, science doesn´t work this way. The person eating the cookies would need to have the intent to spike himself, it´s a shame I know but there are rules we can´t play around, if we want efficency.

[traceria she/her]

Sadly, science doesn´t work this way. The person eating the cookies would need to have the intent to spike himself, it´s a shame I know but there are rules we can´t play around, if we want efficency.

 

Perhaps if you get an emotional allomancer in the DA, they could help push people to a frame of mind where such cookies would then have the desired effect?

[Kobold King he/him]

I spiked am an emotional allomancer. I will aid the efforts to spike sell cookies to victims customers.

 

Really? 'Cuz you're not doing much to Soothe my concerns.

[traceria she/her]

Really? 'Cuz you're not doing much to Soothe my concerns.

Ba dum ching!

[18th Shard he/him]

I have double Allomantic copper. Try and block Feruchemical duralumin while I prepare to spikegive cookies to you!

[Redbird he/him]

Stop stealing my ideas 18!

Anyways, i had an idea for a creature of mass spiking baking, the hemalurgic unicorn! First, place a double sided atium spike double chocolate cookie in the forehead of a horse. Then proceed to use that spike cookie to impale feed feruchemists, allomancers and surgebinders. The result is a unicorn with any investiture related ability, since no one suspects a unicorn.

[Voidus]

Sadly, science doesn´t work this way. The person eating the cookies would need to have the intent to spike himself, it´s a shame I know but there are rules we can´t play around, if we want efficency.

If the person who placed the spike in the cookie had the intent to spike it could still work, like how Ruins intent was enough with various accidental spikings.

 

 

Stop stealing my ideas 18!

Anyways, i had an idea for a creature of mass spiking baking, the hemalurgic unicorn! First, place a double sided atium spike double chocolate cookie in the forehead of a horse. Then proceed to use that spike cookie to impale feed feruchemists, allomancers and surgebinders. The result is a unicorn with any investiture related ability, since no one suspects a unicorn.

Would you by any chance be interested in a career in the Hemalurgical Cullinary arts?

[Redbird he/him]

I haven't really decided yet, I just needed to post that before 18th shard stole it as well.

*steel pushes away on hemalurgic unicorn*

Edited November 5, 2014 by Redbird3000

[Kobold King he/him]

...

 

A website asked permission to store cookies on my computer. 

 

What have you lot been up to this time?

[the Gleeman he/him]

I wish to request the job of transporting the spikes cookies and bodies happy customers as head of shipping. I promise to spread our spikes cookies to all who may want them. I am currently a transporter of many alloys and unicorns and as such can make good trades for some of the products. My business has been lacking lately and I need to gain new victims customers. I also have a good connection to an iocaine splenda dealer who can help make a poisoned sugar-free cookie business to test on sell to our (Feruchemical gold)en clients. 

[Voidus]

...

 

A website asked permission to store cookies on my computer. 

 

What have you lot been up to this time?

It was the er... the spambots! Yes darn those spambots! Take no notice of my continued references to my studies in web development and programming. 

[Redbird he/him]

Gleeman, I feel a business deal is in order, considering I have the only hemalurgic unicorns.

[Redbird he/him]

I would like to officially join the Dark Alley, but I've heard that one does not simply join.

Is there some sort of prerequisite? 

Edited November 9, 2014 by Redbird3000

[Voidus]

I would like to officially join the Dark Alley, but I've heard that one does not simply join.

Is there some sort of prerequisite? 

Other than an unhealthy fascination with shiny pointy things and the accumulation of Investiture, nope.

[Redbird he/him]

Cool, I feel as if there is alot of untapped potential for animals with spikes cookies. For example the platypus, no one would see it coming.

[Edgedancer he/him]

Cool, I feel as if there is alot of untapped potential for animals with spikes cookies. For example the platypus, no one would see it coming.

Call me once you found the spiking points for mutant Pandas.

[the Gleeman he/him]

Giant or Red? It really does matter. The reds have their communist tails and the giants have their bellies.  

http://youtu.be/CCV0MLPPSBU

[Lightsworn Panda he/him]

Call me once you found the spiking points for mutant Pandas.

 

You cannot spike what has already been spiked... 

[Redbird he/him]

I was thinking more animals that already have pointy things. But a panda or other seemingly soft/friendly animal would make a good construct. 

Red pandas for sure, they look much cuter.