And it also felt like looking at my pronoun field and… well before it was a placeholder while I tried to figure things out, and it felt really fake, like a “out of service” sign or something. And now it feels… good. I’m not very good with conveying feelings…

  14 hours ago,  Hmmm lies said:

words in her mouth

  14 hours ago,  Hmmm lies said:

for her now

*insert very… good reaction I can’t put into words*

I can now say she’s right about being referred to with feminine pronouns!!!

so I remember since a long time ago, the farthest i can definitely remember is year and a half but there could be more I forgot, I would be thinking like

“*sighs* if only i was a girl! too bad I’m not!” and part of me would go *coughs* trans *coughs* but I would dismiss it and stop thinking about it because I thought that, from not quite paying enough attention to my parents, trans people were already born with hormones that didn’t match their body. which I now recognize as a misunderstanding of a seed of not paying attention to the concept or hrt. and during the past school year, it got worse, like “ughhhhh why couldn’t I just be born a girl, or be trans,” and imagining being a girl.

then sometime in March, I started interacting with Lily here on the shard, followed here, and therefore got a bunch of notifications from this thread. and often when not many people are online, I go through the notifications I ignored before because they’re from threads I don’t have anything to do with, like notifications from posting in rps. So I went to the notifications from here, and basically

*thinks vigorously*

the best way I can think of to say it is like being hit by a avalanche. This is a very bad way to say it. It doesn’t match very well. But I’m not good with metaphors.

so

yeah

that kind of pushed me into what I wasn’t seriously considering

and then it was very *word*

I am apparently running out of descriptive words

anyway then it was very… extreme?

it was very very

very

then one time I found one of Lily’s old posts here, I forgot how, where she was talking about signs she saw that she was trans, and it really resonated with me. It was scary.

and then the next was one of lily’s posts here where she said something like “people are wrong when they say ‘cis people don’t question their gender’” and a conversation between Aeoryi and Verdance in a early Yuri of the Day that was something like [I tried typing a summary here for a while, but it was too hard so I’ll just link it] 

and that made me think a lot about if this was just a phase, and if it was a perfectly cis thing to question myself and I would just settle on staying cis, and stuff.

Amd I was surprised when I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the stuff in the above paragraph

And then I would constantly draft myself coming out here for like a month, but know I would probably never do that. And then today I was doing that again, and just spontaneously jumped on here and posted.