"Behold!" cried Dr Who Octopus. "The instrument of your demise!"

Gerald observed the rather elaborate machine with a sigh. Spinning axe blades, check. Jets of fire, check. Large hammers pounding together rhythmically, check. Yup. He was about to be fed into an Evil Overlord Execution Machine of the most archetypical quality. And it had been such a wonderful Friday, too.

"Is all this really necessary?" he asked. "I mean... I'm just a squid..."

Dr Who Octopus chuckled. "Come now, Gerald. We are rivals, are we not-"

"Not," muttered Gerald.

"-and this is the moment of my triumph! Let us not lie to each other. We both know you are so much more than a mere cephalopod!"

"I mean... I do questing consultant work on the side..."

"A mere front, as we both know!" Dr Who Octopus pulled a lever and Gerald began to slide on the conveyor belt towards his certain demise. "Now! Tell me truthfully. How did you manage to dismantle my Ultimate Death Ray?"

Gerald shrugged. "I told you, I was in the office that day. I didn't even seen it explode."

"So you stick to your alibi! Very well. I suppose you will take that secret to your grave. But what about the Orb of Total Control? How did you manage to redesign it to control only squirrels?"

"Dunno. I was visiting my grandmother."

"Who is now dead!"

"Well, she was ninety."

"Enough!" Dr Who Octopus shook his head. "You may deny your involvement in those affairs, but you cannot deny that it was you that destroyed my Annihilation Bomb! I witnessed you with my own eyes!"

"Okay, that's on me," admitted Gerald. "In my defense, it looked exactly like a sub sandwich. And I was hungry!"

Dr Who Octopus shook his head. "Ah, but you have foiled my plans for the last time. Even as we speak, my Death Arena of Glory is being erected! Go to your death knowing that despite your best efforts, I have triumphed in the end!" And he left the room, cackling maniacally.

Gerald just stared after him. Wow, he thought. He really needs to read the Evil Overlord Manual.