Again: I really liked Honor Among Thieves. Baller movie. 9/10, would recommend.

But what would make a 10/10 D&D movie?

E d g a r          W r i g h t

and by that I mean his writing style, which is god-tier in every respect. He's the mastermind behind Scott Pilgrim (the movie), Shaun of the Dead, and those are the only ones of his I've seen but THEY'RE REALLY GOOD. Basically he's the best comedy director on the market, because his style is so damn good.

For a D&D movie, you need to go the Scott Pilgrim route. Mix in whacky graphics for stuff like stats, action effects, etc. - instead of just going for "adventure in the D&D world," go for "a D&D game, abridged."

It would open thusly:

Quote

[All the studios and whatnot get their obligatory intros]

[Cold open to a dimly-lit tavern, camera facing down at a table where several men are gambling over dice. One of them rolls snake-eyes, much to the delight of his not-so-companions]

[Pan up to look over at a far table, where an unlikely crew has assembled]

[Cut to the table and its characters: Rogue, Fighter, Wizard, Cleric, and Gunslinger. They're all very visually distinct. The camera centers from the corner to catch all their faces: a comic-panel-esque text box appears overhead, written with an aggressively medieval font]

Text Box: They meet at a tavern.

And then they would have their intros.

I don't know what their intros would be, but the following would be clear:

• Rogue is clearly in charge, has the most experience, etc. They're really aggressively edgy and no one knows why.
• Fighter seems new to this whole thing, but quite eager to learn.
• Wizard has experience, playing it cool for the time being. They make a big fuss over their spellbook for some reason.
• Cleric is the token girl, dressed in gaudy blue robes and sporting a massive staff of healing. Everyone else is dirty and ragged - she's clean, pristine, and colorful. Might be Rogue's girlfriend.
• Gunslinger does not fit the vibe at all. He had to fight hard to convince everyone that he belonged here.

The movie would happen. I don't know about much of it, but...

• Rolls, actions, spells, etc; would all appear in the same text box format, perhaps with different fonts and colors depending on the character. If you've ever seen Scott Pilgrim then you know what I'm getting at - if you haven't then you need to get on that. Long battle sequences would have dice rolls, modifiers, damage counts, status effects, class abilities, and whatnot all firing off alongside the action.
• At some point one of the characters would die unexpectedly (probably Cleric). A few scenes later a completely new character is introduced, played by the same actor (no one acknowledges this).
• There would be a long, drawn-out scene between Rogue and Wizard arguing as to whether they need to count out all their individual gold pieces or not. It evolves into the debate of whose backpack has the most efficient adventuring gear in it, which attracts Gunslinger to introduce them to a funny magical effect that can technically allow them to carry infinite weight without the use of a Bag of Holding. Have them bring up their own weights several times, which are multiplied via text box to their Strength Scores to determine their Carrying Capacity.
• Cleric would find a spell scroll, but use it before the party has a chance to Long Rest. Wizard experiences the five stages of grief.
• Fighter continuously searches for items like Flame Tongues and whatnot, despite the fact that Rogue keeps insisting that they're really quite rare and hard to come by. Fighter finds one at the end of the first dungeon.
• Unimportant side characters would all be named Bob, but spread thinly enough throughout the movie that it would take a rewatch to notice.
• The end would be a final battle against the BBEG (obviously)
  • The lot of them getting beat about and played with, up until they have a big climactic scene of accepting each others' differences and learning the true meaning of friendship. They charge the Dark Wizard all at once as he charges a spell, and as he casts it...
  • Big explosion. The whole place is evaporated in instants. As the dust settles over the course of almost half a minute, a single text box appears posthumously: 20
  • Cut to an office shot of the actors around a table, the director sitting at the end with a DM screen. They're all silent, contemplating the sudden turn of events.
  • Director: "Well sh-"